LondonCity2017
New member
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2017
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Hi Everyone
Just looking for advice or a way to connect with people who may be going through what I go through.
I live alone and don't really have any friends, have gotten to the point where I hardly leave the house. Basically I was always the kind of person who was the one on their own, even as a child. I got so used to it that it became normal for me and now I actually shun anyone who tries to make friends with me. However I'm aware that there is a primitive part of my brain that requires social interaction and yet I've been through 36 years of pain and hurt and rejection I just cant go on anymore.
When I was younger I would attempt to engage with people, date etc but in the end people always reject me so now I am just not prepared to put myself through it anymore. I accept myself for what I am now, I've had therapy and my therapist encourages me to accept myself and build self esteem based on my uniqness rather than shame myself for it. Its hard though.
Of course, the pain of never having married or had children is the most shameful experience. Its a pain like no other... but I accept it now. the only thing I regret is that I did not accept it sooner. The world had always given me a clear signal that I was not wanted... parents, school, work situations.... and yet I still tried to date. There were so many humiliating experiences of rejection, why did I put myself through it for so long? This is my biggest regret, if only I had accepted myself sooner and them maybe my self esteem wouldn't be as low as it is.
However I feel I have now turned a corner with this and no longer pursue love... but still left with the shame (god knows what my neighbors must think of me living alone like this, although outwardly I am neighborly and keep my home clean and tidy)
I am now stuck between a 'rock and a hard place', lonely and isolated yet can not leave the house anymore.
Has anyone been through a similar experience to me? what worked? how have you coped with it?
SSRI Medication doesn't really help me (lord knows I've tried everything) I find exercise and SAD lamp is useful and also ST Johns Wort and 5htp take the edge off of depression, but fundamentally social isolation and social rejection the problem and yet I am a loner at heart, what is a person to do?
Please don't respond with just nasty comments under the 'guise' of constructive criticism, I'm really hurting here and that subtle kind of forum 'bullying' will only make matters worse and I see it goes on, to be honest it could send me over the edge, so I'm really humbly appealing to the kind hearted members for genuine help here. I'm not looking for a forum argument - I want to make that quite clear (I've had bad forum experiences before). Thank you.
Just looking for advice or a way to connect with people who may be going through what I go through.
I live alone and don't really have any friends, have gotten to the point where I hardly leave the house. Basically I was always the kind of person who was the one on their own, even as a child. I got so used to it that it became normal for me and now I actually shun anyone who tries to make friends with me. However I'm aware that there is a primitive part of my brain that requires social interaction and yet I've been through 36 years of pain and hurt and rejection I just cant go on anymore.
When I was younger I would attempt to engage with people, date etc but in the end people always reject me so now I am just not prepared to put myself through it anymore. I accept myself for what I am now, I've had therapy and my therapist encourages me to accept myself and build self esteem based on my uniqness rather than shame myself for it. Its hard though.
Of course, the pain of never having married or had children is the most shameful experience. Its a pain like no other... but I accept it now. the only thing I regret is that I did not accept it sooner. The world had always given me a clear signal that I was not wanted... parents, school, work situations.... and yet I still tried to date. There were so many humiliating experiences of rejection, why did I put myself through it for so long? This is my biggest regret, if only I had accepted myself sooner and them maybe my self esteem wouldn't be as low as it is.
However I feel I have now turned a corner with this and no longer pursue love... but still left with the shame (god knows what my neighbors must think of me living alone like this, although outwardly I am neighborly and keep my home clean and tidy)
I am now stuck between a 'rock and a hard place', lonely and isolated yet can not leave the house anymore.
Has anyone been through a similar experience to me? what worked? how have you coped with it?
SSRI Medication doesn't really help me (lord knows I've tried everything) I find exercise and SAD lamp is useful and also ST Johns Wort and 5htp take the edge off of depression, but fundamentally social isolation and social rejection the problem and yet I am a loner at heart, what is a person to do?
Please don't respond with just nasty comments under the 'guise' of constructive criticism, I'm really hurting here and that subtle kind of forum 'bullying' will only make matters worse and I see it goes on, to be honest it could send me over the edge, so I'm really humbly appealing to the kind hearted members for genuine help here. I'm not looking for a forum argument - I want to make that quite clear (I've had bad forum experiences before). Thank you.