Bodhi
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2011
- Messages
- 3
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Hi.
So finally I got words and courage to write about one of my issues. All these days I was either confused how to describe the situation because this is a whole life long story. So complex. Lots of Issues.
So I decided to go one by one as I remember.
So here is the first issue i need to share.
I am a victim of childhood bullying mostly by school friends(?). friends is wrong word. the humans which were with me in my class. the previous sentence my insult the word 'humans'. but i have no choice. In my whole school life i suffered that bullying. It was not physicall. But emotional and mental toruture is thousand times horrible than physical becuase its scars remain for whole life and the pain can't be seen by others.
This resulted in zero self esteem, no self respect, scatterd mind, broken control of emotions and other issues.
This greatly affected my life as adult. Since I never got love, respect I never knew how to give love and respect to others.
There are other lots of things which I lost but to summairse my question now I am adult. I am mature. Now I can understand what go wrong. How I could have corrected it at that time. Now I want to live my life. Enjoy my life. But these scars of past - how to deal with them? Without any notice those memories come up and haunt me - and i want to take revange on those people. I want to hurt them. As they did to me. How should i avoid all these nevative feelings? How I get out of that childhood bullying? and especially the effects it caused to me? I am unable to live my normal life. I do not have a social life. I have individual friends but i faield to get in any 'group'. and whenever i start to think +ve, I came to the point that though now onwards my life can different but what to do about the important time of my life - that is moments in childhood which got destroyed due to this bullying?
I am not sure if i have conveyed the issue completely or what. But this is for now i can type.
Yes and the reason why I posted in this section is one of the effect is very high level of shyness. no self esteem. In my childhood there is no single moment i can enjoy. everything is like burnt wood. no mental peace. no one accepted me. i only got hate. no one ever appreciated me for anything. i was outcast.
So finally I got words and courage to write about one of my issues. All these days I was either confused how to describe the situation because this is a whole life long story. So complex. Lots of Issues.
So I decided to go one by one as I remember.
So here is the first issue i need to share.
I am a victim of childhood bullying mostly by school friends(?). friends is wrong word. the humans which were with me in my class. the previous sentence my insult the word 'humans'. but i have no choice. In my whole school life i suffered that bullying. It was not physicall. But emotional and mental toruture is thousand times horrible than physical becuase its scars remain for whole life and the pain can't be seen by others.
This resulted in zero self esteem, no self respect, scatterd mind, broken control of emotions and other issues.
This greatly affected my life as adult. Since I never got love, respect I never knew how to give love and respect to others.
There are other lots of things which I lost but to summairse my question now I am adult. I am mature. Now I can understand what go wrong. How I could have corrected it at that time. Now I want to live my life. Enjoy my life. But these scars of past - how to deal with them? Without any notice those memories come up and haunt me - and i want to take revange on those people. I want to hurt them. As they did to me. How should i avoid all these nevative feelings? How I get out of that childhood bullying? and especially the effects it caused to me? I am unable to live my normal life. I do not have a social life. I have individual friends but i faield to get in any 'group'. and whenever i start to think +ve, I came to the point that though now onwards my life can different but what to do about the important time of my life - that is moments in childhood which got destroyed due to this bullying?
I am not sure if i have conveyed the issue completely or what. But this is for now i can type.
Yes and the reason why I posted in this section is one of the effect is very high level of shyness. no self esteem. In my childhood there is no single moment i can enjoy. everything is like burnt wood. no mental peace. no one accepted me. i only got hate. no one ever appreciated me for anything. i was outcast.