How would you feel about your bf/gf letting..

[Naleena]

How would you feel if you had a gf/bf and they let themself go? Is it ok for a potiential mate to let themself go after they are comfortable with you?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Depends on how badly they let themself go. If she decided to stop shaving and get overweight that would be a problem. Note I said overweight, which means over what a healthy weight is for them. Now if I let myself go then there is nothing I could complain about, but if I still kept up myself for my girlfriend (if I had one) I'd expect them to do the same. If something happened to them that caused them to let themself go, like a tragedy or emotional distress I'd be there and help them pick themself back up.

 

[Masque]

I do expect upkeep in a relationship so that it won't deteriorate and make us both miserable, but age takes its toll and so does life. If they hadn't given up on keeping the relationship going as a whole then I wouldn't judge them for slipping in one area, such as weight, unless they deliberately sat down and started cramming McDonald's in three times a day. Even then, if it was something like stress eating I'd try to be understanding.

I'm supposed to love and cherish the person and not their offerings. I'd rather have a bigger them than give up on what we worked hard to build or throw diet and exercise on top of what might already be difficult times for them.

 

[9006]

Physical attraction is a part of most relationships, weather it's 80% or 8% important. And if this changes for the negative, the physical attraction will suffer, clearly.

It's all down to how the person handles this, for some they have sky high "standards" and if anything deviates from them then it's unacceptable, other people are more relaxed. But whatever the case, I think there should be a mutual respect between both of you.

 

[Bones]

Because I focus so much on the inner person, it would take a lot for it to bother me.

 

[Cavey]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

I've never been with someone that has "let themselves go", but I know that it wouldn't have made one iota of difference to me how my wife had looked - I'd have loved her regardless. She had a fantastic personality and she'd have looked beautiful to me no matter what.

 

[Masque]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

I've never been with someone that has "let themselves go", but I know that it wouldn't have made one iota of difference to me how my wife had looked - I'd have loved her regardless. She had a fantastic personality and she'd have looked beautiful to me no matter what.

This is a really good sentiment, however hard it is to achieve that state with another human being.

 

[Gutted]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

I've never been with someone that has "let themselves go", but I know that it wouldn't have made one iota of difference to me how my wife had looked - I'd have loved her regardless. She had a fantastic personality and she'd have looked beautiful to me no matter what.

I think you can say that because it hasn't happened to you. It's like me saying that if I won the Euromillions, I wouldn't blow money on any old crap. But we all know that we all would. It might sound shallow of me to say, but I would be bothered. I wouldn't want to be but I know I would.

 

[jzinsky]

Just thinking about this, maybe it isn't so much the "I've let myself go, and gained a few/several/many pounds" that's the issue rather than the attitude behind it.. maybe more like "I've let myself go, screw trying to please him/her I can't be bothered anymore"

Maybe? Maybe not?

 

[ardour]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

I've never been with someone that has "let themselves go", but I know that it wouldn't have made one iota of difference to me how my wife had looked - I'd have loved her regardless. She had a fantastic personality and she'd have looked beautiful to me no matter what.

You judge physical attraction as unworthy once people are bonded, but it's okay to choose a mate on initial attraction? Being realistic, maintaining a reasonable appearance is part of being considerate to your spouse/partner.

 

[9006]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

It varies from person to person, just because you're in a relationship with a woman you like doesn't mean the physical attraction doesn't come into play anymore, nor does it mean it's something that reduces or goes away. It's more the fact that you find other attractions such as their personality, intellect, talent etc. If you judge one of the other you shouldn't get discriminated against, it's your choice.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't think I'd mind it... as long as nothing else changes or is being let go as well.

 

[Cavey]

I find it kind of sad that aesthetics play such an important part in most people's relationships. I can understand it being a big part of the initial attraction, but shouldn't their character and shared experience be far more important once a relationship has formed?

I've never been with someone that has "let themselves go", but I know that it wouldn't have made one iota of difference to me how my wife had looked - I'd have loved her regardless. She had a fantastic personality and she'd have looked beautiful to me no matter what.

You judge physical attraction as unworthy once people are bonded, but it's okay to choose a mate on initial attraction? Being realistic, maintaining a reasonable appearance is part of being considerate to your spouse/partner.

The reason I said that physical attributes play a big part in initial attraction is because you have nothing else to go on at the time. I also never said that physical attraction was "unworthy", I just find it sad that it seems to be the primary concern.

 

[Aihpames]

How would you feel if you had a gf/bf and they let themself go? Is it ok for a potiential mate to let themself go after they are comfortable with you?

As long as they didn't let themselves go in regards to personal hygiene, I don't think I'd care. If she puts on a bit of weight, fine, but I'm not going to sleep next to someone who offends my nose