Human Value

[Boring-Weirdo]

People are judged and assigned value by their social status. We typically see some qualities as good and desirable, while others are seen as unwelcome or even despicable.

What are qualities you find desirable in a romantic partner? On a scale of one to ten, where do you see yourself (and where do other people see you)? What would you settle for?

Would you rather be a part-time partner of a ten, or full-time partner of a three?

Everyone needs love, right?

---

I think women typically find three things attractive in men. They are: looks, money, and personality.

On a scale of 1 to 10: I give myself a 3 in looks (with a possibility of rising to a 5 after weight-loss), a 2 in money (unemployed and living with my parents), and a 3 in personality (non-confident, negative, and generally poor social skills). So overall I rate myself as a 3/10 in terms of what women generally find attractive.

The obvious solution is to date women who are also 3/10's. But (by my experience) they won't have me! I have two guesses for why this may be. One is that people generally rate themselves higher than they really are, and are unwilling to settle for someone with obvious low value. If they did partner with someone of low value, they would have to accept that they themselves are also of low value; which for many would be an unpleasant blow to their ego. My other guess is that men like to build harems, and women are generally receptive to the idea of being a side-partner to a winner, rather than having a loser all to themselves (see: married men with mistresses).

It's an interesting predicament. The very bottom of society is so undesirable that even other undesirables don't want them.

 

[Batman55]

Why this is all a bunch of garbage

Nobody assigns value to anyone, and personality is the only thing that matters. Shyness has become very popular lately, too, especially among men.

Join a dating site and you'll see I'm right. They'll be all over you. Do not worry about credentials, that doesn't matter. Human value? All a bunch of crud. People are not shallow.

Just be yourself and everything will be fine.

 

[ardour]

Why this is all a bunch of garbage

Nobody assigns value to anyone, and personality is the only thing that matters. Shyness has become very popular lately, too, especially among men.

Join a dating site and you'll see I'm right. They'll be all over you. Do not worry about credentials, that doesn't matter. Human value? All a bunch of crud. People are not shallow.

Just be yourself and everything will be fine.

LOL!

You're right, just let the inner beauty shine. That's what matters, along with being a good person. The OP's appears to be on thin ice.

 

[Badjedidude]

Nobody assigns value to anyone, and personality is the only thing that matters.

Neither of those statements are true.

You may say that you don't assign value to people, or that personality is the only thing that matters to you.

I'm not agreeing with everything the OP said, but it's a fact that people assign value to one another and that looks/attractiveness have an impact in how you're perceived, treated, etc.

I don't know, maybe you were being sarcastic in your post... but if you're going to claim that nobody assigns value to anyone or that everyone only cares for personality, you'd better have some **** good proof to back it up. Because all evidence says otherwise.

 

[Batman55]

It seems I can't really win with my brand of sarcasm. Some people get it (like rdor did, this time) but others think I'm being completely literal. I could use more winks or something but that kinda takes something out of it, IMO.

 

[edamame721]

It's normal to assign value to people if you want to get something from them. I'm under no delusions that any boss I work for thinks my being "nice" is an asset versus skills and getting the job done.

But in therms of finding a partner -- that's a pretty shallow way of looking at it. Money, health, beauty -- it can all be taken away with time or even just suddenly. If you're looking to build a life together with someone, you'll want someone you can rely on and love.

Hey, that "10" you're attracted to at first may be a cheating, arrogant jerk. Best to give them a chance anyway but not to exclude those who seem "lower" on your rating scale. That way, you'll have no regrets.

Ps. I would be part-time to NO ONE.

 

[a lonely person]

The obvious anwer is that you are not a 3, taking the values you give yourself you are a 2.66666, or less because for woman money and personality are more important than looks. Clearly you are trying to get women way out of your league.Oh maybe you think its a small difference but, also people generally rate themselves higher than they really are, so you are most likely a 1-1.5.
Dude you are trying to get women that are worth twice or three times as much as you are!

 

[Solivagant]

Different people care about different things. You know what I care about?

Character. Good-looking men are honestly not that hard to find. I could go for a walk anywhere and pass attractive men, and I don't give a ****. A man could have good looks, money, and status, and I would not be impressed in the slightest. What's hard to find is a man of integrity and wisdom.

I'm not saying that the world isn't full of shallow people, because it is, and some will have a harder time attracting partners than others. I grew up with a charismatic model for a brother and watched one opportunity after another just fall into his lap, while I have constantly struggled, alone. It's a fact of life.

But maybe the problem isn't that you can't meet women's standards. Maybe the problem is that your standards are too low. If you're satisfied with a shallow woman, then by all means continue to focus on shallow achievements and their perceived importance to the world. If, however, you want a woman who is trustworthy and sincere and understanding, then look for one who values those things herself, and work on your character. Being an honest man who tries to do the right thing is the most attractive selling point there is.

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

But maybe the problem isn't that you can't meet women's standards. Maybe the problem is that your standards are too low. If you're satisfied with a shallow woman, then by all means continue to focus on shallow achievements and their perceived importance to the world. If, however, you want a woman who is trustworthy and sincere and understanding, then look for one who values those things herself, and work on your character. Being an honest man who tries to do the right thing is the most attractive selling point there is.

I just want sex; not a trustworthy, sincere, and understanding woman.

I tend to value the following things in a partner:
1. Will have sex with me.
2. STD free.
3. Attractive.
4. Nice.

And the last two are optional. ;-)

 

[Dexter]

I just want sex; not a trustworthy, sincere, and understanding woman.

I tend to value the following things in a partner:
1. Will have sex with me.
2. STD free.
3. Attractive.
4. Nice.

And the last two are optional. ;-)

If these are the things you are looking for, a woman just for sex and "not a trustworthy, sincere, and understanding woman", then have you ever considered visiting a brothel or look for an escort-service?

I am not really recommending you these things. Neither have I any experience with that nor will ever consider using one of these services. But I just wanted to remember you that these options exist.

 

[SofiasMami]

Looking for a bed partner vs looking for a lifetime partner are two different things. After you've had enough of the former, you'll yearn for the latter.

And, yes, looks, money and personality are all important factors for me in a long term partner.

My ex husband is very extroverted and I'm introverted. Neither of us are bad people but it just didn't work out. I need some peace & quiet sometimes, ya know?

I already have myself and a child to provide for and we're doing just fine; if a particular man can't consistently pull his own weight in providing for the family, that's not someone I would choose to be with. I'd rather stay single.

Looks are also a factor, I prefer someone average looking like me. I can't feel attracted to someone who makes me think "ick" and I prefer not to fend off women who chase after handsome men. Plus, looks fade with age.

-Teresa

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

If these are the things you are looking for, a woman just for sex and "not a trustworthy, sincere, and understanding woman", then have you ever considered visiting a brothel or look for an escort-service?

Prostitution is illegal in my state, unfortunately. They are also too costly for me, double unfortunately. Prostitution also leads to certain dangers involving stds, pimps, drugs, personal associations, etc, that are less prevalent in unprofessional love-making.

Also I want to be desired and to sexually please my partner, which I doubt will happen via prostitution.

Looking for a bed partner vs looking for a lifetime partner are two different things. After you've had enough of the former, you'll yearn for the latter.

Huh, well I wish I could get the bed-partners by now; I'm already old and decrepit.

 

[Rainbows]

This thread confuses me. I could never start rating somebody like that.

What you could consider a 3/10, could be considered a 7/10 for somebody else. I would honestly prefer dating somebody who thinks I'm a 7/10 than somebody who thinks I'm a 3/10. Or something like that.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I would rate myself as a 1 out of 10

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

This thread confuses me. I could never start rating somebody like that.

What you could consider a 3/10, could be considered a 7/10 for somebody else. I would honestly prefer dating somebody who thinks I'm a 7/10 than somebody who thinks I'm a 3/10. Or something like that.

Who would consider these people a 7/10?

 

[Drama]

I don't know, maybe you were being sarcastic in your post... but if you're going to claim that nobody assigns value to anyone or that everyone only cares for personality, you'd better have some **** good proof to back it up. Because all evidence says otherwise.

Why so much Italics

 

[Adrolak]

What is ultimately boils down to, is that it’s about how you perceive yourself to be attractive. Contrary to popular belief, a males dominance actually only creates about a 10% variance in perceived attraction by women, as seen in Ahmetoglu’s study that “ Results showed that higher dominance behavior significantly increased the confederate's attractiveness, accounting for 10% of the variance in attractiveness ratings.” (Agmetoglu). On top of that, there have been studies conducted that show that overall, a persons perceived attractiveness at age 15, greatly influences their socioeconomic outcome 20 years later, at the age of 35. Over twenty years, this study has shown that those who held themselves in higher regard, being more confident, and liking themselves. This projects themselves in a better way to those around them, and increases the chances that they’ll attract someone else. “People assessed as more physically attractive at age 15 had higher socioeconomic positions at age 36– in terms of their employment status, housing tenure and income - and they were more likely to be married; even after adjusting for parental socioeconomic background, their own intelligence, health and self esteem, education and other adult socioeconomic outcomes. For education the association was significant for women but not for men.” (Benzeval). “Self-perceptions of social attractiveness were positively related to women’s confidence in social interaction and their perceived influence over interaction, whereas for men, confidence and influence were unrelated to social attractiveness. For both men and women, body image was unrelated to how enjoyable people found interactions to be and was weakly related to how responsive they felt others were to them. For both men and women, body image was also unrelated to how socially active people were and to the relative distribution of same- and opposite-sex interactions.” (Nezlek).




Ahmetoglu, Gorkan, and Viren Swami. "Do Women Prefer "Nice Guys"? The Effect Of Male Dominance Behavior On Women's Ratings Of Sexual Attractiveness." Social Behavior & Personality: An International Journal 40.4 (2012): 667-672. Academic Search Elite. Web. 4 Jan. 2014.

Benzeval, Michaela, Michael J. Green, and Sally Macintyre. "Does Perceived Physical Attractiveness In Adolescence Predict Better Socioeconomic Position In Adulthood? Evidence From 20 Years Of Follow Up In A Population Cohort Study." Plos ONE 8.5 (2013): 1-7. Academic Search Elite. Web. 4 Jan. 2014.

Nezlek, John B. "Body Image And Day-To-Day Social Interaction." Journal Of Personality 67.5 (1999): 793-817. Academic Search Elite. Web. 4 Jan. 2014.

What your perceived and projected demeanor and image does, is it attracts people who hold similar values and norms to you, which makes it more likely that you'll find a compatible person, and that they'll find you attractive, allowing you to pursue a relationship with them.

TL;DR : You attract the sort of people you are like, because you typically associate with people who are similar to you. It's all about your personality, how you perceive and project your own image, and how you maintain that image to the people around you. That means that those four people up there very well could be someone's 10/10, would bang, if they come from a social situation that instilled the values of obeseness and toothlessness as attractive. I promise you, there IS someone out there that finds that attractive. Even if they don't talk about it. To end this, I'll even include a pretty graph that shows the relationship between those who perceived themselves to be attractive, and those who didn't at a young age, and their outcome later on in life. Because bitches love graphs.

On another note, I think that it also depends on what you're looking for. If you're both looking for a deep connection, that will enrich both your lives, then looks tend to matter a lot less, and it's far more their personality. If you're looking for something shallow and immature, then that's when looks matter, because you're surrounding yourself with people who hold those values highly. They also tend to be the sort of folks who are honeysuckle in a relationship, because they only value the exterior, and just cannot form a solid bond with a partner.

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

Wow, that was a great post! I love graphs, and I'm not even a *****! I can't say I really understand a lot of what you wrote though. I'll try looking up the articles you referenced.

I will say that peoples' perception of themselves are usually highly influenced by others (what I mean is that self-esteem, or lack thereof, doesn't come from nothing). Also, even though it's true some people find the (what is typically considered) "grotesque" sexually attractive, they are in the minority. Far more men would choose a woman whom looks like Cameron Diaz over Honey Boo Boo's mom.

And likewise women would almost always choose a rich guy over a poor guy, etc...

Edit:
Does Perceived Physical Attractiveness in Adolescence Predict Better Socioeconomic Position in Adulthood? Evidence from 20 Years of Follow Up in a Population Cohort Study

I can't find the other two.

 

[Solivagant]

I just want sex; not a trustworthy, sincere, and understanding woman.

I tend to value the following things in a partner:
1. Will have sex with me.
2. STD free.
3. Attractive.
4. Nice.

And the last two are optional. ;-)

That's too bad.

In that case, you would have made yourself clearer if you had used the words "sexual partner" instead of "romantic partner" in the OP, as "romantic" is very generic and not likely to be interpreted as "just sex". You might want to do that next time, just so people know what you're really talking about and can respond accordingly.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Im only going to say this once, so pay attention. Stop with the pics. I shouldn't even have to go into the reasons WHY, but I will.
Posting these kinds of things can make people feel bad about themselves, which is something we don't need on this forum. I see NO legitimate reason to continue to post them - you've made your point. Thank you in advance.