Does anyone else have this issue, that they can make friends with people, but that closeness eludes them most of the time? There are times when a friend and I 'get' each other and I feel less alone, but often, even when I am being completely open with a friend, there is no feeling of closeness there. I feel as if I am talking to the air.
I can make friends but don't feel close to them
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PlayingSolo
Well-known member
Yeah I can kind of understand that. Unfortunately I have no advice for you because I'm struggling with this myself. I just find it hard to establish a really deep connection with someone. It's kind of like...I really like some of my friends and I have a great time with them, but sometimes I can't help but think that if they somehow just disappeared, life would go on 
some of them I've known for years too. I feel kind of bad even typing this...
some of them I've known for years too. I feel kind of bad even typing this...
Tealeaf
Well-known member
Does it seem to get a little better the longer you know each other and as you go through life issues together? I know I need time in addition to openness to feel close to someone, and just talking about what's important to me or something that's bothering me doesn't do the trick.
Hello Tealeaf, sometimes it can get a bit better the longer I have known someone, but even then moments of feeling close are not as often as I would really like them to be.
Hello PlayingSolo, I sometimes think, like you, that if some of my friends disappeaared, life would go on. And I also feel bad for typing it.
Hello PlayingSolo, I sometimes think, like you, that if some of my friends disappeaared, life would go on. And I also feel bad for typing it.
I'd say that I am not close to my friends as I rarely see them and when I do, I don't get very personal with them. But at the same time, I'd say that I am as I've known them for a while and we always make efforts to hang out eventually.
S
Stars
Guest
Same here.
I think that kind of openness in those type of friendships...the people I know that have that have it with childhood friends.
The dynamics of friendship change so much in the adult world...:/ In a way, it's harder to make as close as friends as one gets older IMO...
I think that kind of openness in those type of friendships...the people I know that have that have it with childhood friends.
The dynamics of friendship change so much in the adult world...:/ In a way, it's harder to make as close as friends as one gets older IMO...
I agree with you, Stars, that it does become more difficult as you get older to make as close friends. When you are small, your life experience is so short that it is easier to make friends because your contemporaries are in the same boat. But as we get older, we gather more and more experiences and these influence how we interract with people. And with friends made as adults, there aren't the shared memories of childhood. I only have one friend I knew as a child, though she is 15 years older than I am, so we only became friends as adults.
Astral_Punisher
Well-known member
I feel the same way Stars.
I don't really have any really good 'physical', 'in-person' friends, and those people whom I do 'know' seem to be so self-interested and boring, that as soon as I open my mouth, they glaze over and leave. It's REALLY annoying.
So it's either sit there, and simply listen, and nod, and say "yeah!", or don't hang out with people..
There is no factor of closeness at all, that is, unless I play "Yes-man", don't speak about myself at all, and do all sorts of errands or tasks they want of me.
Ironically, the one person I've met in my whole life that I actually enjoy talking to is a girl from online (YEAH!), but she has a boyfriend (NO! *_*). Life is ridiculously unfair.
Interesting, intelligent, communicative people are unbelievably rare, and infinitely few and far between.
I don't really have any really good 'physical', 'in-person' friends, and those people whom I do 'know' seem to be so self-interested and boring, that as soon as I open my mouth, they glaze over and leave. It's REALLY annoying.
So it's either sit there, and simply listen, and nod, and say "yeah!", or don't hang out with people.
.There is no factor of closeness at all, that is, unless I play "Yes-man", don't speak about myself at all, and do all sorts of errands or tasks they want of me.
Ironically, the one person I've met in my whole life that I actually enjoy talking to is a girl from online (YEAH!), but she has a boyfriend (NO! *_*). Life is ridiculously unfair.
Interesting, intelligent, communicative people are unbelievably rare, and infinitely few and far between.
SlayerHendrix
Active member
I have the same problem. I feel that I have absolutely nothing in common with them aside from some superficial things like music taste. Otherwise nothing is there. Also, I feel that if I were to become closer with them, then they would leave me as I view my true self as being quite undesirable to most.
real friends are very hard to get especially once you leave college.
1st you have to find out where people are located. Then you have to find someone that you have things in common with. Then you have to hope they are also friendly. Then you have to have luck.
1st you have to find out where people are located. Then you have to find someone that you have things in common with. Then you have to hope they are also friendly. Then you have to have luck.
W
WallflowerGirl83
Guest
It depends what type of person they are. If I can't hold a conversation with them, I simply move on. My friends are all close to me and I'm always there for them. Other people usually disappear on me due to their fear I guess or not interested in continuing to be my friend. I cry when this happens but I eventually move on.
edamame721
Well-known member
I agree that it's harder to make close friends as you get older. I'm experiencing that now! But I think it mostly has to do with people getting busier (they work and what leftover time they have goes to their partners and/or children) and also, friends and co-workers move, sometimes far away. Since you'll be seeing someone less than you would at school (i.e. in class, in your fraternity, etc.) it would naturally take longer to really connect with someone. So, don't get discouraged if the connection isn't happening right away.
Also, there's this NY Times article about why it's hard to make friends over 30. It's a really common problem.
Also, there's this NY Times article about why it's hard to make friends over 30. It's a really common problem.
andrew.1
Member
I refer to it as fake friends.
You might meet some people and you hang out for while or talk a lot and then they seem to disappear. You can't get a hold of them and they rarely talk to you. You might talk to them on facebook or something.
Basically in my point of view, these people have lost interest. If they really wanted to hang out with you or see you, they would make an effort to do so.
This has happen to me lots of times. Also, if you find that people you meet ends up the friendship doesn't progress, it may be for the same reason.
How many people have facebook? How many of your friends do you actually have a close friendships with?
I have 72 friends on facebook and I only have a close friendship with one person. The rest hardly respond to me.
The bottom line is that if these people are interested in pursuing a real friendship they would make the effort.
I know the difference between people that are interested in me and who fake an interest.
You might meet some people and you hang out for while or talk a lot and then they seem to disappear. You can't get a hold of them and they rarely talk to you. You might talk to them on facebook or something.
Basically in my point of view, these people have lost interest. If they really wanted to hang out with you or see you, they would make an effort to do so.
This has happen to me lots of times. Also, if you find that people you meet ends up the friendship doesn't progress, it may be for the same reason.
How many people have facebook? How many of your friends do you actually have a close friendships with?
I have 72 friends on facebook and I only have a close friendship with one person. The rest hardly respond to me.
The bottom line is that if these people are interested in pursuing a real friendship they would make the effort.
I know the difference between people that are interested in me and who fake an interest.
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Thomas]
Well-known member
I also have this difficultly, and I find it's probably because of my very closed and private personality.
I have only 2 friends that I feel I can "tell anything". But I know neither in person..
I definitely wouldn't say that my friends outside of these 2 are "fake" or anything. But I can't share anything with them =x
I have only 2 friends that I feel I can "tell anything". But I know neither in person..
I definitely wouldn't say that my friends outside of these 2 are "fake" or anything. But I can't share anything with them =x
I've had the empty friend problem too. I've tried to give the relationship enough time to catch but I'm kind of impatient and would rather be alone a lot of the time any way.
These deep connections with other people are so rare. A lot of the time they happen as a result of trauma which is obviously not the desirable way to go about it!
Maybe try and make your friendships hobby or interest oriented first. From there they might spin off into something more meaningful than a shared interest.
These deep connections with other people are so rare. A lot of the time they happen as a result of trauma which is obviously not the desirable way to go about it!
Maybe try and make your friendships hobby or interest oriented first. From there they might spin off into something more meaningful than a shared interest.
