I don't know why it happens and i know it's my fault and it always has been. People are interested in being friends with me yet i somehow miss that oppurtunity and i accidently push them away, or the people I do want to be with are uninterested in me. I can never make proper friends and when i do i can never maintain our relationship. Why? Because I become this silent person that is unable to socialize any further because im afraid of offending them or i would say something really awkward and weird... In all honesty im not shy at all. I'm just paraniod and i feel like this happened over the time through the experience i have been through. I tried expressing myself but i have only been called a *****. No matter how hard i try, im always the same. Everytime i try to pick myslef up i regain confidence in myself and i know i will become someone better but, I fall down again when something happens.
I don't know if it's because im not strong or it's because i don't know how to deal with it. I still remember back a few years ago I wouldn't cry so much over little things but now it's so bad. I get so depressed over anything that happens. I overthink situations that probably aren't possible, I get so many negative thoughts, and i feel like everyone hates me. I can't possibly remember the time i was really happy or actually feel happy. Everything feels so depressing. I can't stop, it hurts so bad that i'm crying while writing this post.
I really don't know anymore. I really don't want to exist anymore. I don't know why I was born. My english is so bad eventhough it's my frist language. I suck at socializing because I don't socialize. My school grades are going down. I haven't been able to find a hobby and I don;t know why the people that seek me out and try to help only turns their backs on me.
I don't know if it's because im not strong or it's because i don't know how to deal with it. I still remember back a few years ago I wouldn't cry so much over little things but now it's so bad. I get so depressed over anything that happens. I overthink situations that probably aren't possible, I get so many negative thoughts, and i feel like everyone hates me. I can't possibly remember the time i was really happy or actually feel happy. Everything feels so depressing. I can't stop, it hurts so bad that i'm crying while writing this post.
I really don't know anymore. I really don't want to exist anymore. I don't know why I was born. My english is so bad eventhough it's my frist language. I suck at socializing because I don't socialize. My school grades are going down. I haven't been able to find a hobby and I don;t know why the people that seek me out and try to help only turns their backs on me.