for me to force myself to try socializing with someone. I don't like being alone, but I find it difficult to socialize, and it's even harder because I've tried so many times and in the end, it's all for nothing, and each failure makes the next attempt a little harder, and I've failed so many times already, and it feels so burdensome, asking about the other person, talking about myself, finding common ground, finding conversation topics. It should be easy, a conversation should be something organic that arises naturally, maybe for others it is, but for me, conversation or socializing doesn't come naturally.
every time is a little bit harder
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I find that you have to have a genuine interest in the other person so it’s not a chore.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
There is a musical, dance, and rhythmic quality to conversation. I think it can also be competitive or cooperative, depending on the setting.
So, sounds like you find yourself rhythmically discordant, socially.
Discordant socialization, ironically, is rather organic too. If you like or admire some one, you might get nervous and tongue-tied. If you're too much in your own head, you'll trip over your own feet, to turn a phrase. If one party in a two party conversation isn't interested, the notes will begin to fall flat, until they stop resounding at all.
And then, some people just aren't very social. Some people have peculiar social deficits due to neurological conditions or psychological conditioning, etc.. Persistent despair, isolation, and loneliness is a well worn path on the way to becoming socially discordant.
It's hard to make progress when it's all wretch and no vomit.
Perhaps you are continuously trying to lift a weight you haven't worked up to yet. Or, your circumstances aren't conducive enough; as in, the climate just isn't right for that sort of seedling to sprout and flourish.
This is why, people often rely on a mediator. There are people out there who, naturally, for whatever reason, are inclined to, 'organize,' things: events, engagements, etc.. Weird people if you ask me, but, amazing too; I wonder how they do it. Anyway...
The point is, is that, people often need a mediator; a third party, who knows how to keep rhythm. In the olden days, this was the, 'match maker,' that would make you a match. It's the person who invites the neighbors over for a BBQ. etc.. etc.. It's a class with a teacher, etc.. It can even be a mutual friend...
1 on 1 conversation tends to be quite intimate; so, these sorts of conversations often require a lot of prior context; sort of how, a guitar solo in a song, needs a lot of lead-up and a lot of follow-up. Generally, you don't just start blaring into a furious guitar solo, right from the start. It's a common mistake men tend to make however. Women generally have a natural hard-coded advantage; usually they are exercising discernment amongst bird-song, as opposed to having to come up with a warm and welcome tune; and they also tend to be more communal in their approach to life.
Anyway, it's a rhythmic thing. Sometimes you are stuck with a social instrument like the cowbell. You just can't get a good tune going with the cowbell alone. So you need to find a group that needs more cowbell; or, you have to come across some new instrumental talent or skill.
...
Whether discordant or in-tune and on-beat; it's all organic.
So, sounds like you find yourself rhythmically discordant, socially.
Discordant socialization, ironically, is rather organic too. If you like or admire some one, you might get nervous and tongue-tied. If you're too much in your own head, you'll trip over your own feet, to turn a phrase. If one party in a two party conversation isn't interested, the notes will begin to fall flat, until they stop resounding at all.
And then, some people just aren't very social. Some people have peculiar social deficits due to neurological conditions or psychological conditioning, etc.. Persistent despair, isolation, and loneliness is a well worn path on the way to becoming socially discordant.
It's hard to make progress when it's all wretch and no vomit.
Perhaps you are continuously trying to lift a weight you haven't worked up to yet. Or, your circumstances aren't conducive enough; as in, the climate just isn't right for that sort of seedling to sprout and flourish.
This is why, people often rely on a mediator. There are people out there who, naturally, for whatever reason, are inclined to, 'organize,' things: events, engagements, etc.. Weird people if you ask me, but, amazing too; I wonder how they do it. Anyway...
The point is, is that, people often need a mediator; a third party, who knows how to keep rhythm. In the olden days, this was the, 'match maker,' that would make you a match. It's the person who invites the neighbors over for a BBQ. etc.. etc.. It's a class with a teacher, etc.. It can even be a mutual friend...
1 on 1 conversation tends to be quite intimate; so, these sorts of conversations often require a lot of prior context; sort of how, a guitar solo in a song, needs a lot of lead-up and a lot of follow-up. Generally, you don't just start blaring into a furious guitar solo, right from the start. It's a common mistake men tend to make however. Women generally have a natural hard-coded advantage; usually they are exercising discernment amongst bird-song, as opposed to having to come up with a warm and welcome tune; and they also tend to be more communal in their approach to life.
Anyway, it's a rhythmic thing. Sometimes you are stuck with a social instrument like the cowbell. You just can't get a good tune going with the cowbell alone. So you need to find a group that needs more cowbell; or, you have to come across some new instrumental talent or skill.
...
Whether discordant or in-tune and on-beat; it's all organic.
