I don't have anyone

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

I_am_ALONE

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2019
Messages
4
Reaction score
0
I have no friends or family. I have no one to celebrate big or small things with. I live in a rural area and work at home. My partner left and there is nothing but silence all the time. Walking into the cold silence of my house makes me cry. I don't know what to do with my thoughts or myself. I try to distract with things or tasks, but it is obvious it is nothing but distraction.

My true nature is generous and fun and loving, to share the beauty I see and things that I do, but now there is no one. I don't apologize for being in need of connection and I am not interested in pretending otherwise. 

I talk to no one for days at a time, then only a store clerk or similar. and if I do talk to any so called acquaintances, they say the same stupid things because they can't handle real emotions themselves. Pull it together and be positive.

If I fall off my roof cleaning my chimney no one would know. I could die and no one would be the wiser. I struggle with the reality of my life. I don't want shallow relationships for the sake of not being physically alone. I have regret, sadness and emptiness, anxiety and misery. I feel sick from it, truly sick in my body. I long for the ease and safety of relationships I once had. Tired of people asking where my companion of 12 years is, then the uncomfortable silence that follows. 

I wish I could do my life over, now I am stuck here, getting older, in debt, alone and alone and alone..
 
Hello.
Welcome to the forum.

I read your post.
I don't really know what to say but I wanted to tell you I want things to get better for you.
You sound like a good person.

I can't think of any advice to give you.
I wish I could help you.

I hope you like the community here.
 
Greetings, I_am_ALONE.
You really express very clearly what it's like for you to be alone in your life. I'm in a similar position as you but I came to be there by a different route.
What are we gonna do? It's been a few years for both of us since we formed a new relationship....the requisite social skills can get a little rusty, eh?

I'd like to hear a bit more about you. Only what and when and if you want to share.....no strings attached, OK?


And @ W.L.
Good to hear from you again! I've been wondering how you were doing.
 
Hi I_am_ALONE,

Just want to welcome you here. You have made a good step in reaching out. There are some people in this world that truly care about others, just might take some time to connect with them. In the mean time, take care and be careful.
 
Hi there.

Perhaps you could go onto meetup.com and see if anything is going on in your area? Even if you don't manage to connect with anyone, at least it'll get you out and doing new stuff. And of course, 'a lonely life' is here for you to offer you advice and friendship.

Welcome to the forum. :)
 
Maybe there are some dating options for you? Online or irl? 
Try to reach out and look under every rock. Maybe you will find someone special again.

I’m hoping that the things you need in life comes your way.
 
I am not interested in dating anyone. I live 60 miles from the nearest populated area. I am out in a rural place riddled with poverty and serious drug abuse and alcoholism. Just another sad and lonely day. It was nice to see some of you respond, so thanks for not leaving this too on deaf ears.
 
The abundance of internet articles, books, and Youtube videos on this subject should demonstrate that your problem is shared by many others.  There really are a lot of helpful courses of action, but they generally require motivation to get up or out and do something about changing your situation.  Staying home and finding some penpals through various web sites can be a fun and worthwhile distraction for spending your lonely time, but it won't really solve the problem.  Most of us need live, personal relationships, and that need is harder met by those of us without family.

I know, after a lifetime of being single, moving constantly, and having an independent life myself, that it's hard to make friends, and in your remote location, it's probably hard to even have a daily dose of casual aquaintances. That's a good formula for loneliness - worsened by having no caring family.  It's manageable though, so don't lose hope.  Let me offer a different perspective than the others above. 

If you're used to having full time companionship, any empty house is going to feel lonely.  Since you've no desire to find a new companion now, you might give serious consideration to your living environment.  No doubt, living alone in a rural setting with no good family or friends around intensifies your problem. It's hard enough going out, meeting people, and building a social life in a populated environment, but your sparse choice of interaction with marginal neighbors may be too much to overcome.  I of course cannot know your financial means, job situation, or physical ability to move your residence, but that would be my first recommendation for consideration.  Perhaps you've already pondered such an idea but have a number of reasons for disqualifying it.  But, since you've indirectly excluded family ties from the equation, I wonder if you have any valid reasons not to.  It certainly would be a major step in changing your situational environment - potentially from a bad one to a good one.  Even if you had to downsize to a cheap apartment, I think you could do better in a nice, friendly, small town.  Such an environment would allow for daily interaction and aquaintances just by taking walks, going to the library, shopping, and dining at the same places routinely as others.  And in time, some of these aquaintances could very well become friends.  A small town would also offer a number of other assetts helpful for you: 1) social clubs - providing opportunities to meet and mingle with others, with the likelihood of making real friends, 2) volunteer opportunities - providing a conduit for you to help others in some way while gaining pleasure, satisfaction, and strength yourself, and 3) churches - providing you the spiritual and social support that everyone needs. Should this thought intrigue you, I'd suggest you dream big. Don't limit yourself unnecessarily to something nearby.  If you're young and working, I understand that new job prospects matter; if not, then you might focus on your preferred geography (like ocean, mountains, and climate).  To this end, of searching for a new place to live, I like these 3 websites: nich.com, bestplaces.net, and ideal-living.com. I spend a lot of time on these sites myself, looking for my eventual new home, and find them very helpful for browsing the best options and ruling out the bad ones.  If you're retired, you might seriously consider moving to an active retirement community where you'll automatically be surrounded by people and potential social interaction.  I'm researching this option as a possibility for myself and have found 55places.com to be another good web site in conjunction with the others above.  Finally, if you are retired, you might also consider the option of living overseas.  If you move to a popular expat area (like Lake Ajijic in Mexico or many others in central america or southeast asia), you'll not only find warmer climates and cheaper living, but also an instant, easy surrounding of potential friends.  Really, after years of world travel myself, I find it much easier to meet and interact with people overseas than stateside - partly because english speaking people tend to feel a sense of mutual attraction, and partly because most expats aren't busy with careers and families. The expat life has other challenges of course, but it is a viable, interesting option to consider for someone that really wants a change in life.

Whether you make a move or not, and whether you succeed in getting out and building a social life or not, I have a final message to share that's equally important and applicable to your lonely life.  I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but if you don't have a close relationship with your creator who loves you more than anyone ever will, then you're short changing yourself and missing the whole purpose of life.  Through good times or bad, a close relationship with God will give you the strength you need to make it through life. Reading the Bible, praying, and listening to some good sermons won't negate your need for human interaction, but it will put your life and this world into a proper perspective.  You see, the Christian perspective is that life is about love and relationships, and the most important one is with your maker and savior - Jesus.  Family, friends, and others fall in line after that.  So while you're working on the human side of the relationship problem, you should also be working on the spiritual side of things.  Doing this right should, in time, not only make any lonely life more manageable (if not negated), but should also result in you looking outward more than inward.  In other words, the best way to forget your own problems is to help others with theirs.  Being a Christian helps prompt the desire to do this.

I'd suggest that not only does bible study, prayer, and a close relationship with the Lord offer you the knowledge and strength you need to steer through these hard times, but that a good church with small groups is exactly the type of human support that will uplift your social life.  I caution though that all religions and churches are not right or equal.  That's another discussion if you want to pursue it.  I've said enough for now, but will say a prayer tonight for you, that God grants you strenth and guidance on getting your life back on track. 

Should you respond to my post, know that I check this site just one a week, but do have time for you.
 
Hello. Have you thought about a four-legged companion? There are so many loving animals that need a home. They are usually glad to see you, love snuggling and they never let you down. I have had a therapy dog now for 3 months. He gets me out the house for walks, he loves playing and it really has helped with feeling utterly alone.
 
NiecyMouse said:
Hello. Have you thought about a four-legged companion? There are so many loving animals that need a home. They are usually glad to see you, love snuggling and they never let you down. I have had a therapy dog now for 3 months. He gets me out the house for walks, he loves playing and it really has helped with feeling utterly alone.

Yes! Good tip indeed! Nice job NiecyMouse. 
I got my dog about 2 years ago. She makes my life so much better. ❤️
 
NiecyMouse said:
Hello. Have you thought about a four-legged companion? There are so many loving animals that need a home. They are usually glad to see you, love snuggling and they never let you down. I have had a therapy dog now for 3 months. He gets me out the house for walks, he loves playing and it really has helped with feeling utterly alone.

Hi Mouse, I have 11 goats, 6 dogs, one cat and chickens and gardens and trees.


Sir Joseph said:
The abundance of internet articles, books, and Youtube videos on this subject should demonstrate that your problem is shared by many others.  There really are a lot of helpful courses of action, but they generally require motivation to get up or out and do something about changing your situation.  Staying home and finding some penpals through various web sites can be a fun and worthwhile distraction for spending your lonely time, but it won't really solve the problem.  Most of us need live, personal relationships, and that need is harder met by those of us without family.

I know, after a lifetime of being single, moving constantly, and having an independent life myself, that it's hard to make friends, and in your remote location, it's probably hard to even have a daily dose of casual aquaintances. That's a good formula for loneliness - worsened by having no caring family.  It's manageable though, so don't lose hope.  Let me offer a different perspective than the others above. 

If you're used to having full time companionship, any empty house is going to feel lonely.  Since you've no desire to find a new companion now, you might give serious consideration to your living environment.  No doubt, living alone in a rural setting with no good family or friends around intensifies your problem. It's hard enough going out, meeting people, and building a social life in a populated environment, but your sparse choice of interaction with marginal neighbors may be too much to overcome.  I of course cannot know your financial means, job situation, or physical ability to move your residence, but that would be my first recommendation for consideration.  Perhaps you've already pondered such an idea but have a number of reasons for disqualifying it.  But, since you've indirectly excluded family ties from the equation, I wonder if you have any valid reasons not to.  It certainly would be a major step in changing your situational environment - potentially from a bad one to a good one.  Even if you had to downsize to a cheap apartment, I think you could do better in a nice, friendly, small town.  Such an environment would allow for daily interaction and aquaintances just by taking walks, going to the library, shopping, and dining at the same places routinely as others.  And in time, some of these aquaintances could very well become friends.  A small town would also offer a number of other assetts helpful for you: 1) social clubs - providing opportunities to meet and mingle with others, with the likelihood of making real friends, 2) volunteer opportunities - providing a conduit for you to help others in some way while gaining pleasure, satisfaction, and strength yourself, and 3) churches - providing you the spiritual and social support that everyone needs. Should this thought intrigue you, I'd suggest you dream big. Don't limit yourself unnecessarily to something nearby.  If you're young and working, I understand that new job prospects matter; if not, then you might focus on your preferred geography (like ocean, mountains, and climate).  To this end, of searching for a new place to live, I like these 3 websites: nich.com, bestplaces.net, and ideal-living.com. I spend a lot of time on these sites myself, looking for my eventual new home, and find them very helpful for browsing the best options and ruling out the bad ones.  If you're retired, you might seriously consider moving to an active retirement community where you'll automatically be surrounded by people and potential social interaction.  I'm researching this option as a possibility for myself and have found 55places.com to be another good web site in conjunction with the others above.  Finally, if you are retired, you might also consider the option of living overseas.  If you move to a popular expat area (like Lake Ajijic in Mexico or many others in central america or southeast asia), you'll not only find warmer climates and cheaper living, but also an instant, easy surrounding of potential friends.  Really, after years of world travel myself, I find it much easier to meet and interact with people overseas than stateside - partly because english speaking people tend to feel a sense of mutual attraction, and partly because most expats aren't busy with careers and families. The expat life has other challenges of course, but it is a viable, interesting option to consider for someone that really wants a change in life.

Whether you make a move or not, and whether you succeed in getting out and building a social life or not, I have a final message to share that's equally important and applicable to your lonely life.  I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but if you don't have a close relationship with your creator who loves you more than anyone ever will, then you're short changing yourself and missing the whole purpose of life.  Through good times or bad, a close relationship with God will give you the strength you need to make it through life. Reading the Bible, praying, and listening to some good sermons won't negate your need for human interaction, but it will put your life and this world into a proper perspective.  You see, the Christian perspective is that life is about love and relationships, and the most important one is with your maker and savior - Jesus.  Family, friends, and others fall in line after that.  So while you're working on the human side of the relationship problem, you should also be working on the spiritual side of things.  Doing this right should, in time, not only make any lonely life more manageable (if not negated), but should also result in you looking outward more than inward.  In other words, the best way to forget your own problems is to help others with theirs.  Being a Christian helps prompt the desire to do this.

I'd suggest that not only does bible study, prayer, and a close relationship with the Lord offer you the knowledge and strength you need to steer through these hard times, but that a good church with small groups is exactly the type of human support that will uplift your social life.  I caution though that all religions and churches are not right or equal.  That's another discussion if you want to pursue it.  I've said enough for now, but will say a prayer tonight for you, that God grants you strenth and guidance on getting your life back on track. 

Should you respond to my post, know that I check this site just one a week, but do have time for you.
Hi Joseph, that is one of my favorite names. I am an atheist, and I am tied to where I am because I have a farm loaded with animals that are my only family. I moved out here with my former partner to build a life. My animals are great, but human companionship is indispensable to my well being. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am realizing there may be no solution to the reality of my life and it's logistics at this time.
 
I_am_ALONE said:
I have no friends or family. I have no one to celebrate big or small things with. I live in a rural area and work at home. My partner left and there is nothing but silence all the time. Walking into the cold silence of my house makes me cry. I don't know what to do with my thoughts or myself. I try to distract with things or tasks, but it is obvious it is nothing but distraction.

My true nature is generous and fun and loving, to share the beauty I see and things that I do, but now there is no one. I don't apologize for being in need of connection and I am not interested in pretending otherwise. 

I talk to no one for days at a time, then only a store clerk or similar. and if I do talk to any so called acquaintances, they say the same stupid things because they can't handle real emotions themselves. Pull it together and be positive.

If I fall off my roof cleaning my chimney no one would know. I could die and no one would be the wiser. I struggle with the reality of my life. I don't want shallow relationships for the sake of not being physically alone. I have regret, sadness and emptiness, anxiety and misery. I feel sick from it, truly sick in my body. I long for the ease and safety of relationships I once had. Tired of people asking where my companion of 12 years is, then the uncomfortable silence that follows. 

I wish I could do my life over, now I am stuck here, getting older, in debt, alone and alone and alone..


I at time feel lonliness and feel like to have good gossip with nice friends who can speak their heart about life... life challenges, life incidents....i have read many books of true biographies and get so pleased who have written the true happenings of life. Some time i combine lonliness with silencenes in a total peaceful environment in mountainous area. it bcomes so exciting, soothing and enlightened which cant be explained in words. Must experience listening flute at a far distance in mountains in moonlight u ll never forget it. I normally get time to listen flute in my village area where shephetds do play....LOVE U ALL🌺🌷🌸
 
I see from above I_am_ALONE that you do have a nice family of farm critters.  I understand your not wanting to leave them behind, making any move logistically problematic.  I'd maintain though that your best long term solution may entail a move closer to civilization - a nice, small, friendly town where you can conveniently interact with people daily and have a much easier time of joining social groups and pursuing needed relationships. If you look in the right country town environments, you can probably find a house rental setting that'll accommodate your dogs and cats, and maybe even the goats and chickens.  I'd suggest though that being able to walk outside your house into a developed area with businesses, people, and activity is an ideal environment for a single person seeking human interaction.  This in fact, is what I'm looking for myself as I travel the world full time, homeless, looking for a place to call home.  I do think the american residential neighborhood or country living environment is just too lonely for someone without an inhouse family and friends nearby.  I've also found that the cities, though crowded and busy, are equally lacking in easy, daily, personal interaction.  The streets and businesses of a good small town though finds strangers greeting you and people with time willing to chat. Whether it's going to the gym, laundry, library, post office, grocery store, diner, or town event, there's no reason why any friendly person shouldn't have several pleasant social encounters each day, with such repeat encounters turning into aquaintances at the very least, and some offering potential friendships.  In your case, you have the advantage of owning dogs.  For sure, dogs (and all animals for that matter) are people magnets. Take your cleaned up, happy critter for a walk to the park and you'll automatically have people approaching you, giving you both wanted attention. Thing is, that won't happen out in the rural environment. So, you've this point to ponder seriously.  Just because a move doesn't seem practical now doesn't mean it shouldn't be done eventually.  A 2-5 year plan of mental, physical, and research prep would give you a goal and hope for the future - showing that you needn't live the remaining decades of your life in an isolated environment of loneliness.

Changing subjects, I believe your lonely life and other feelings of disappointment and dispair result from more than your lack of human love and interaction.  While you should try to change your life to fill that gap, there's more to be done in building you up to the joyful person you should be.  That of course, means talking again about who you are, where you come from, and what your purpose is in life.  And while a million religious and philosophical books could be referenced for these questions, I'll affirm my belief, based upon decades of research on various world religions, that Christiany is the only true, valid faith to consider and follow.  While virtually all other religions (except Atheism perhaps) provide a path of righteous works to supposedly obtain some future, better life, Christianity is the only one based upon a personal relationship with our Creator, Lord, and Savior.  It's also the only religion validated by fulfilled prophesy in its scriptures, as well as historical, archaeological, and scientific evidence.  So how does this affect you?

If Christianity is right, knowing and loving the Lord with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul is the first and greatest commandment in life. And when one does that, the love of God is realized and accepted - with this being the most important, powerful, meaningful, permanent, loving relationship available to anyone.  I can't understand why people choose to deny or reject this type of love or relationship which gives us peace, strength, and joy in our hearts. I do understand though why doing so causes so many people to struggle in life with feelings of loneliness, dispair, and questions of self worth.

I have many friends who are non-Christians, including Atheists and others who follow false religions and cults, and some spiritualists that essentially create their own mixed cockail religion. I find it most interesting but sad to see people I care about putting their all important faith (and soul) into the wrong thing. For most of the world's false religions, one's upbringing can be blamed for their misguided beliefs, but Atheists more often fall into a different category of cause.  I wonder about you, and what your reason is for being one. Do you deny the presence of any god because of the supposed lack of evidence, because of the evil, pain, and suffering found throughout the world, out of apathy, anger, or defiance - an unwillingness to submit to a higher power?  Your answer would allow me to save space and respond better, but I'll try doing so here anyway, since there's only one excuse above that sounds logical to me.  Atheists often deny God's existance because they really don't want to submit their minds, hearts, and freedom to someone else.  It's a conscious decision to live carefree today and deny the possible future consequences.  While this is shortsighted, wrong, and tragic, it's logical to me, and if this describes you, I'll accept that and waste no more time trying to pursuade you otherwise.  Many self professing Atheists however, are often just apathetic Agnostics who are too busy or consumed with their daily lives to care about something more deep and meaningful.  They need a bad event or hard times in their lives to be shocked into a new reality, and this sometimes happens.  If this describes you, then I'd suggest that your lonely life and other emotional challenges should serve as your wakeup call that something big is missing from your life, and it may be more than just human relationships.  After all, Jesus said that loving others was the second commandment and important thing in life.  We're talking about the first important thing here.  Finally, if you deny God out of personal anger, the existance of pain or suffering in the world, or a perceived lack of evidence, these are all issues that have answers.

So, I've proposed (again) that you need both God and people relationships in your life, and you can work on both at the same time.  The thing is, a close relationship with God will help you deal with the latter issue and put your "loneness" in the world into a better perspective.  For me, knowing that the Lord is with me all the time, caring about me and my life, protecting me at times, and encouraging me through his inspired scriptures definately makes my lonely path in life much more manageable.  I believe it does for anyone.  Whether you acknowledge it or not, he's there all the time with you. You just need to let him in.

You're free of course to dismiss all this, and I'll not preach to you anymore unless you ask for it.  I don't want to be an annoyance, pushing my unwanted beliefs onto anyone.  I do see a problem though that has a solution, and I only want to throw you the lifering that's readily available.

Now, for an entertaining finale, let me share a good song with you - Safe, by Phil Wickham.  It's a positive song that anyone can enjoy and one you may in time learn to appreciate.  If the link doesn't work here, just copy and paste it.

 
I am also in the same boat. Would you like to chat a bit? Just having someone to say good morning to can help. I know I miss it and would love to have a friend to talk to.

 Jeff
 

Latest posts

Back
Top