Paraiyar said:
I don't act like that so much on a day to day basis because its simply ultimately not feasible to live as if everything has no purpose but I feel it everyday.
I guess I'm just wired to want existence to be teleological in someway.
I understand how you feel. I've spent many a sleepless night wondering the same. The fact that you're so young and thinking these questions, honestly, speaks to me of a superior intellect. Why? Some people will spend their entire lives not thinking about such questions because they have the attention span of a gnat and when they see that shoe or car commercial they'll think of what they want to buy.
I've asked myself those questions for years. Tried three different religions. I got my own ideas on the matter, but it's taken me the better part of two decades to be at the same point you are now. Superior intellect. I believe it might play in your capacity for socializing in the sense that you're...elsewhere than most people your age. Deper, more reflective, more profound. Thew new music group came out is probably not what you want to talk about, you want answers. That's admirable to me.
As for socialising, well...my trick is that it isn't about me. You have to care...even when you don't. You should, next time you're walking you're dog, talk to that cute girl. Not make it about you, but make it about her. "Nice night, tell me something, your perfume...is that Coco Channel #3? I really like that scent". Not because you do, or have any idea you do, but it's an ice breaker. Ask her questions. Take an interest in her. That, to me, is what the base of socializing.
Because your musings matter, but maybe not entirely. Maybe life is about more than just the innevitability or lack of usefulness of it, but experiencing it is needed before deciding if that's the case or not.
In other words..."fake it till you make it". You'd be surprised how many people who don't feel entirely functional do that everyday.
So that's my offer of advice. But it's really up to you