I feel like an alien

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Paraiyar

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Whenever I go out, all I see is people my age who seem well adapted to the world, able to enjoy themselves and integrate socially. How do they do they do it? How do they seem so unbothered by the fact that life may well be an absurd, meaninglesss accident, a concidental flash. How can they even find comfort, as some of them have told me that they do, in the idea that life is a matter of being born, breeding and dying? Is it because they were able to integrate socially so easily that this doesn't seem so painful to them? And yet, here I am, unable to integrate socially, unable to get a partner. I feel an attraction to halluncinogenics because they offer me the chance to experience a world beyond this one and yet as inconceivable as is to me, many people actually do not want to experience these and do not want to leave this mundane world, just as much as I don't want to be trapped in it. I don't know what to do anymore...
 
Paraiyar said:
Whenever I go out, all I see is people my age who seem well adapted to the world, able to enjoy themselves and integrate socially. How do they do they do it?

Most people don't have all the answers to life's problems and are just winging it, W. If you're feeling down on yourself, you're probably viewing the world through a distorted cognitive filter. Falsehoods like "Everybody's happy and has it together and I don't."
Take it easy on yourself. Not everyone peaks in their 20s and 30s and thank god for that, otherwise I would've packed it in long ago.

-Teresa
 
ardour said:
For them, socializing is the distraction.

That's a pretty good thought to put towards this. I don't exactly feel like an alien, but I do catch myself thinking that it feels like I'm missing out on being "normal" or something. I can't explain it. I've never cared to fit in, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. But still, it's a thought I have from time to time.
 
You are on the right path.
Boredom is important, because only when you realize the futility of the lower, the meaninglessness of the lower, you will look into the higher.
Which is what you are doing through hallucinogens.
You have known the meaninglessness of life, i would call it semi enlightenment. Just don't become a slave of hallucinogens, there are much better and more effective ways to complete the journey.
Right now it feels uncomfortable because you realize that you are lost, but unlike others, it is possible for you to come home, to the very center of your being.
In my opinion, whatever is happening to you is a great spiritual awakening. Don't lose this beautiful opportunity.
 
VanillaCreme said:
ardour said:
For them, socializing is the distraction.

That's a pretty good thought to put towards this. I don't exactly feel like an alien, but I do catch myself thinking that it feels like I'm missing out on being "normal" or something. I can't explain it. I've never cared to fit in, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. But still, it's a thought I have from time to time.

I have the same experience sometimes.

Ultimately, there are a lot of common feelings and how people deal with it differs. Some people feel better if life is about being born, living, and dying, because it frees them from having to discover some cosmic importance, for example. Some people find escape in video games, alcohol, sex, sports -- pick your poison, really.
 
I know that there are folks out there who only pretend that they are having a good time and have it all figure out. Some hide well behind it with reckless partying, some not so much.
I've missed out on alot of stuff in my teenage years. Most of my peers will have stories to tell later on while i was watching movies at home, making beats and playing video games most the time.
I think we as humans are programmed to dive into consistant social interactions but the thing is - not all of us are particularly suitable or any good at it. I don't know if that makes sense.
 
Xpendable said:
I feel like a lamp.

2886pz5.jpg


If you are going to be a lamp, be this one!  Plus, it's fitting for this time of the year.
 
Tealeaf said:
Ultimately, there are a lot of common feelings and how people deal with it differs. Some people feel better if life is about being born, living, and dying, because it frees them from having to discover some cosmic importance, for example. Some people find escape in video games, alcohol, sex, sports -- pick your poison, really.

I no longer find escape in gaming. I do it simply because I enjoy it. But there's no escape. And as much as I enjoy cooking, there's no escaping in that either. I think it mostly, with me personally, has to do with the fact that I have to pay attention to everything. So I no longer have an escape in anything. If something happens, I usually just deal with it best I can and move on with my day.
 
Gorbachov said:
I know that there are folks out there who only pretend that they are having a good time and have it all figure out. Some hide well behind it with reckless partying, some not so much.
I've missed out on alot of stuff in my teenage years. Most of my peers will have stories to tell later on while i was watching movies at home, making beats and playing video games most the time.
I think we as humans are programmed to dive into consistant social interactions but the thing is - not all of us are particularly suitable or any good at it. I don't know if that makes sense.

I know exactly what you mean by this G, I have no stories to tell from about 15 till 24, unless you count having finished all maps in Goldeneye on the N64 on 00 agent level, or having 6 lvl 60 characters on WoW and good stories ;)

Some people are extrovert and some are introvert, you need some off both in any group to make it work, but if you're extremely extrovert/introvert you'll really have to work at making and keeping friends.

In that aspect (being extremely introvert) I do sometimes feel like an alien, watching all the others go round in their "normal" ways making it seem so easy, but then I look closer and see the quiet/shy waitress that speaks so softly and avoids eye contact, the guy at the end of the bar just having a drink and lost off other people like that. 

I do sometimes feel like an alien as well, but looking around I realize I'm not the only one.
 
I decided to take the dog out for a walk before. Saw this really attractive girl who smiled at Mac (my dog). I barely managed to return the smile before continuing on.

Why didn't I just take my headphones off and have a quick conversation with her? Am I just going to do this everytime so that every slight opportunity gets missed? I'm sick of this.
 
It's really hard to cross over from what you currently are to what you want to be. It takes practice and it wont happen over night. Start small. Try smiling at people next time you go out? I find that so hard in itself still. In fact I very rarely go out so I don't see many people at all. 

I feel like an alien in my flat, as if the world goes on below and around me and I cease to exist until someone else visits. It really is awful living a lonely existence
 
I'm starting to wonder if I have depersonalization. I think I might have even had episodes of it when I was much younger.
 
Paraiyar said:
 How do they seem so unbothered by the fact that life may well be an absurd, meaninglesss accident, a concidental flash. 

I'm struggling with this concept at the moment. When I realized that humans may off themselves at some point and that life after death is uncertain, it dawned on me that everything I do for the good could be washed away. I don't know what to do with that. 

Some people really don't seem bothered though. Ideas like "if you disappear after you die you won't know it, so it's a win win", I just don't know how to feel ok with that.
 
EmraldDaisies said:
Paraiyar said:
 How do they seem so unbothered by the fact that life may well be an absurd, meaninglesss accident, a concidental flash. 

I'm struggling with this concept at the moment. When I realized that humans may off themselves at some point and that life after death is uncertain, it dawned on me that everything I do for the good could be washed away. I don't know what to do with that. 

Some people really don't seem bothered though. Ideas like "if you disappear after you die you won't know it, so it's a win win", I just don't know how to feel ok with that.

Why should eternal permanence matter in what you do? Isn't it significant enough that your actions affect at least some point in time regardless of where the narrative may lead afterwards?
 
Wintermute said:
EmraldDaisies said:
Paraiyar said:
 How do they seem so unbothered by the fact that life may well be an absurd, meaninglesss accident, a concidental flash. 

I'm struggling with this concept at the moment. When I realized that humans may off themselves at some point and that life after death is uncertain, it dawned on me that everything I do for the good could be washed away. I don't know what to do with that. 

Some people really don't seem bothered though. Ideas like "if you disappear after you die you won't know it, so it's a win win", I just don't know how to feel ok with that.

Why should eternal permanence matter in what you do? Isn't it significant enough that your actions affect at least some point in time regardless of where the narrative may lead afterwards?

No it isn't enough to me, I want more. If life is meaningless then it's not enough that my actions can effect some point in history that I'll soon have no awareness of because I'll be nothing anyway. Maybe some people are content with that but I can't conceive of how that can be. That's kind of the whole point of the thread. For me it isn't really about missing what happens in the narrative here after you're gone, it's the fact that life isn't a movement towards  something more meaningful. I don't want my existence to have been a random absurd flicker I want to move to something else. You might consider that absurd but I don't think that way and I don't think that this life on it's own will ever be enough for me.

I don't act like that so much on a day to day basis because its simply ultimately not feasible to live as if everything has no purpose but I feel it everyday.

I guess I'm just wired to want existence to be teleological in someway.
 
Paraiyar said:
I don't act like that so much on a day to day basis because its simply ultimately not feasible to live as if everything has no purpose but I feel it everyday.

I guess I'm just wired to want existence to be teleological in someway.

I understand how you feel. I've spent many a sleepless night wondering the same. The fact that you're so young and thinking these questions, honestly, speaks to me of a superior intellect. Why? Some people will spend their entire lives not thinking about such questions because they have the attention span of a gnat and when they see that shoe or car commercial they'll think of what they want to buy.
I've asked myself those questions for years. Tried three different religions. I got my own ideas on the matter, but it's taken me the better part of two decades to be at the same point you are now. Superior intellect. I believe it might play in your capacity for socializing in the sense that you're...elsewhere than most people your age. Deper, more reflective, more profound. Thew new music group came out is probably not what you want to talk about, you want answers. That's admirable to me.
As for socialising, well...my trick is that it isn't about me. You have to care...even when you don't. You should, next time you're walking you're dog, talk to that cute girl. Not make it about you, but make it about her. "Nice night, tell me something, your perfume...is that Coco Channel #3? I really like that scent". Not because you do, or have any idea you do, but it's an ice breaker. Ask her questions. Take an interest in her. That, to me, is what the base of socializing.
Because your musings matter, but maybe not entirely. Maybe life is about more than just the innevitability or lack of usefulness of it, but experiencing it is needed before deciding if that's the case or not.
In other words..."fake it till you make it". You'd be surprised how many people who don't feel entirely functional do that everyday.
So that's my offer of advice. But it's really up to you :)
 

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