I hate my social life!

[BlackCat]

I feel like I get used a lot by my friends. I'm not sure if this is all in my head or what... But I want an opinion. I'll go on to explain why I feel this way.

Specifically I feel like this when there is more then one person with me. Everything is fine and dandy when there is just one friend around me, but I feel awkward and/or used when there is more then one.

To start, two of my friends like each other. They are a guy and a girl, they aren't dating yet. Keep in mind that I am the guy with the car, and these guys don't see each other much outside of school. So rarely do they get much privacy. I feel really weird around them because I feel like I am getting in the way of the time they could be together. I have talked to the girl about this and she says she would rather have me with them... But I get a feeling that this isn't true in a way.

That same guy friend doesn't know many of my other friends very well and wants to get to know them, so most of the time when he is around my other friends he seems focused on them. We all talk and all that... But they seem focused on each other. My other friends are very close to each other also, and I feel left out.

I don't know what I should do to feel better. I don't feel appreciated for giving people lifts or for my presence when they are around me. The only time I really feel somewhat appreciated is when I am with someone one on one, and even then I don't get many thank yous for what I do for people. I have asked for thank yous before (because I know it will make me feel better) and for them to let me know how they appreciate me before, but they forget to do it.

I normally don't have this problem, but as of late it has really bothered me, especially with my girl and guy friends getting closer, and wanting to go places. The appreciation has always been assumed, no one really showed anything. It's worked out for everyone but me I think.

Is it my problem or their problem? Give me your thoughts please, it has really been bothering me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Is a three some out of the question ? Since you're doing all the driving around, you might
as will ask. Friends will understand, so you can't really loose. This way they can really
show you thier appriciations. Actions speak louder than words.

 

[Steel]

Some people are happy amongst a group of friends.. others prefer interacting with individuals. There is nothing wrong with either; people are just different.

I would take what they say to be genuine... that they enjoy your company. I've been out with a couple before, and been half of a couple with someone else along. If people want to be alone.. trust me, they will find a way.

As for feeling like you are being taken for granted, that's more of a problem. Are your friends happy to go places you want to go? Or are the invitations mostly their ideas?

 

[BlackCat]

We all usually come to an agreement.

Thanks for the advice people

 

[Unacceptance]

You have a social life? You got me beat.

 

[evanescencefan91]

i know what you mean black cat i fell this way a lot. What i hate is that especially in a group it feels like people on't really listen to me, whenever i start to say something someone always interupts me and it can get really frustrating. I've actually decided that i'm going to start charging gas fees when people beed rides, just becuase i hate feeling like or wondering if thats the only reason why people talk to me, if it's true i might as well get something out of it.

 

[Knight]

You have a social life? You got me beat.

Me too, I have a very small social life, if you don't count the internet anyways. . .

 

[Unacceptance]

By the way, it should be pretty obvious if they hang out with you that they appreciate you.

 

[BlackCat]

By the way, it should be pretty obvious if they hang out with you that they appreciate you.

Thank you.

I think I am just being weird right now. Thanks for your replies.

 

[samba101]

Awww Blackcat sending you kisses and hugs.

 

[davechaos]

Now that is a tricky one. I have many things that I do...with work and football...that involve being with a lot of people all at the same time so I enjoy being in groups of people in certain circumstances...but I also like being individually with people where you can actually talk occasionally...and this is where it is very difficult.

I appreciate the situation you are in and you have to ask yourself whether it is a situation you want. I am not saying dump your mates becuase that is the last thing you should do...but ask yourself what you get out of the situation...and whether you need someone to say 'thank you.' I help a lot of people out from work and yet they never say 'thank you.' I often wish they would because those two words can make you feel so wonderful about yourself...but they are often two words that are overlooked by many...more of a society issue...and also because some people struggle to say how they feel and don't know how to reply to help.

You may feel a little threatened because you have introduced this new friend to all of your own and they will naturally want to get to know him a little better...stick with this. They are not going to throw you away!!!

 

[epileptic]

I'm sure you are probably being used as a tool. Useing you for your car. You even said that things didnt feel right between you and them. You know she lied to you about wanting you to be with them. She just needs you for your car.

 

[Zak]

Digging up old threads? lol

 

[androidhippy]

I empathize with you completely. I too find that being one on one is much more satisfying; for the simple reason that you have to fully acknowledge each other and that leads to a better appreciation. In groups each person devotes a fraction of their attention to everyone, and it's not always equal. I find that I end up fading into the background alot.

Take, for instance, conversations. My networking professor in college described conversations in a way I've always loved and remembered. There are two types of people: stop and wait protocol people, and collision control people. Stop and wait people all wait their turn, they speak, the pause for the next person to speak, etc. Collision control people just all talk at once and the loudest one wins. Stop and wait people always get screwed by collision control people. So in a random collection of people, there will always be a few, like me, who fade into the background. It can be extremely irritating and exhausting.

I think what you've already done is the right thing, being vocal and letting them know how you expect to be treated. But people are fickle, if they have to spend too much effort they move on to something easier, so it's a balancing act. If you really value them, and they you, you should both be able to put up with a little bit of irritation now and then, but if it gets too much for you, move on, and if it gets too much for them and they move on, don't take it personally. All of this is much easier said than done of course, and if you figure out how to actually make that work emotionally let me know.

 

[epileptic]

..and its a good thing i brought up this dead thread. Now androidhippy was able to share with us some useful information.