I just don't know what to think.

[lonely_in_love]

I feel pretty lame for pouring my heart out to strangers, but it couldn't hurt.
I'm 21 and i have a live-in boyfriend 20 years older than me, and lately I have had the feeling that he has been cheating on me. I never wanted to be the nosy girlfriend and that is not who I am, but I did go through his texts one night when he came home late. Let's just say I didn't like what I saw. I didn't tell him because I couldn't tell him I did that. Then Wednesday night he didn't come home, but I didn't question him. He is gone again tonight. I may just be over analyzing this, but i feel horrible.

 

[Bluey]

OK age has nothing to do with this here.
You should not had looked at he's taxers but you did anyway. guss you had good reason to do that.
Since you did look and now know what you know. If that is that you now know that he is indeed seeing someone.
You need to ether confront him about it or just leave him and move on.

Him seeing another person far moor out weighs the fact that you went snooping. Plus you would not had done that if you did not suspect that he was up to anything anyway. So personally I would not feel guilty in doing what you did.

One thing I always think of wither or not he is doing something wrong and that is if you don't have trust in any relationship whither that be a romantic one or a Platonic one if there is no trust then you really have nothing anyway. trust is everything in every relationship.
So if you can not trust him or think you well never be able to trust him then I would say you would be better moving on anyway.

Of course only you would know best what to do not me from only readying your one post here.

 

[lonely_in_love]

i never said age had anything to do with it. it was a minor detail. i didn't want to look at his texts, but i did. i did trust him until i had reason not to. i would feel bad if i told him he needed to move out, but i have and he has refused. multiple times. i don't want him to leave, unless it's absolutely necessary.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hmm well if you do not give chase you might lose him. That is how I lost the girl I was with. I did not want to interfere with her life and she went to another.

 

[lonely_in_love]

to do that would be unforgivable.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not telling you what to do, but this is just what I would do. I'd tell him about the text I read, and about him coming home late. If there's no obvious legitimate reason for him staying out late, like a job or even being with friends, then he doesn't need to do it. It's not that hard to be honest with someone about that, if he is cheating. I certainly wouldn't jump the gun about it though. He may just be out late somewhere that has nothing to do with anything.

 

[lonely_in_love]

i hope that it really does have nothing to do with anything, but why lie about it? i will be more forgiving if he was honest about it. if he wanted to be with others and me, but honestly, i would still feel hurt, but he wouldn't be lying.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well I was always honest with my friend. It I did not want to hangout I told her. She took that as leave to believe I did not like her. I think we may lie because those who we give certain titles too get a certain priority.

At This point a confrontation will be unavoidable hun. Just ask him, you can believe whatever he says. You can easily hide your intentions under the guise of worry. "You did not come home last night I was worried". In the end it is your choice.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I have no idea why he would possibly lie. I don't know why people at all. To save their behinds? Maybe they figure it's not a big deal, or not important. I guess one of the reasons why people lie, about cheating, is they don't care if they're caught either way. I agree with you when you say you'd rather him be honest. It just makes the situation better. I'd be highly upset, but at least there was honesty.

AFrozenSoul, she may have thought you were pushing her away, which resulted in her thinking you didn't like her. It depends on how you said it to her, and how often you said it.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@VanillaCreme: Well in the case of lying, if you can get away with it technically no harm. If you get caught the end result would be the same.

As for my friend, this is not my thread. I was just sharing my experience. You spend 4 days during the week with someone and another friend wants attention or you want some alone time and that is pushing away... god... >.>