boonieghoul
Well-known member
I've been morose and depressed for most of my life, without much of a bright side or a period of happiness (or even lessened gloom ), and while I was in Nova Scotia, I kept trying to find some kind of happiness, either through relationships, hobbies, or friendships...and each and every one would fail, through abandonment by the others, collapse of the connection the hobby would give, or just silence from the ones I thought had become a friend. I finally gave up and went hermit for almost a decade in the boonies of northern N.S., and found myself going more than a little mad. Finally, I just gave up, packed up, and moved up here to Saint John, to be near the few old friends I still had. Now, my finances have collapsed into welfare (despite my ability to work, my severe epilepsy and the toxic amount of meds have made me medically unable to hold a job ) and most of the friends I had have either gone silent or simply moved away. I'm trapped again...and I'm weary of slogging along and falling behind, further and further. I am tired. Nothing works any longer, and my earlier attempts at suicide seem like first drafts of a good idea. To sum up...this entire life seems like a bad joke without a punchline, and I just want to take off the clown costume and leave the stage to silence.