I want to be happy. When something good happens it makes me sad.

[adtma]

Im a 19 year old guy, attending college and living at home. I lack self confidence and suffer from depression. I cant say there is any reason for me to lack self confidence. I dont want to sound cocky but i spend nearly everyday in the gym lifting and have once been on a poster for my local gym haha. Im not proud of that really.
People tend to like me, they think im a really happy person full of energy. Im not. Im sad, for what reason? i dont know.

I cope with it however. I go through my days and seem happy enough, nothing excites me though.

Anyway last weekend i had a few friends over, we just hing out watched tv talked and played some games. Late into the night i txted a girl and asked if she wanted to come over. Its a girl ive known for awhile but never had feelings for her, never even really talk to her. she txts me a lot but we never hang out. Anyways she came over and we drank some vodka together while my friends passed out. We decided to get a bit reckless and mess around. No sex. i said no, she was drunk-ish and i feel horrible if i do and then have that person regret it.

This went on from 4am-10:30am she then feel asleep and i went to the gym. no sleep for me but i wasnt too tired. When i came back we all sat and watched tv then i took everyone home later. I didnt feel anything for her then, in fact i was looking forward to getting everyone home. Now a few days later i do have feelings. I already miss that night and just want to relive it.. Thats all i can think about, nothing has made me happy sense and i find myself having a hard time doing anything without wanting to cry.. what the hell is wrong with me.

I should just be happy, but instead its left me more sad than i was before that night. I just want my heart to stop hurting for no reason.


My friends dont understand, they just think im talking. I dont even fully understand, i just want to be content with what i have.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, if you miss the night, try to talk to her again.

If its just chemical depression, then you'll need to see if something can be done about that with a psychologist.

 

[adtma]

thats just it though. I do talk to her. its like i cant accept that good things are happening to me.

 

[IgnoredOne]

thats just it though. I do talk to her. its like i cant accept that good things are happening to me.

Do you feel like they shouldn't? That you're not a good person somehow?

 

[adtma]

I feel like I am. I try to never upset anyone or let the down. I try to be completely honest sometimes to the point where it gets me in situations I don't want to be in. I find myself in situations where a simple lie would make everything go away

 

[Vinan]

Those good things in life will never disappear. They will always be there for you to do again. They can happen in many ways just has good or even better then the last. Be it love,Joy,Happyness, and all those things you like. When something happens i understand the feeling of being sad if it was a good thing. Its not lost it actually is an amazing thing gained. For you enjoyed something wonderful.

So its okay to be sad after a good things happened. But it was a good thing. We should be happy when good things happen and we should look forward to the good happening again. Let that be what sustains you from any sadness felt from it. You did not lose and you arn't taken from it merely you are in waiting till the next time it happens.

I hope this all helps but if it doesn't I recommend finding something that will sustain your interest in between such times you consider the joys of life. Expression is an amazing thing that can sustain many people. Expression is art,music and story. Example a picture of many colors or a awesome game with great graphics is art. Soft music with love or techno a beat you dance to is music. A thrilling story or an epic of a struggle between a hero and the bad dude. etc

But what will sustain you truely in the end is your own personal hobbys and things you enjoy in your interests submers yourself in them when you get the chance you can't go wrong with it. I hope this will give you what you need to not be sad and to be content in the way you wish to be.

 

[cumulus.james]

Well, if you miss the night, try to talk to her again.

If its just chemical depression, then you'll need to see if something can be done about that with a psychologist.

Ignored one speaks sence. It sounds like chemical depression to me - but I'm no Doctor, you should speak to yours. Exercise should be creating endorphines and making you better, as it is not there may be something else going on. You also need to take into account your age, you are full of all sorts of hormones, angst and mood swings are normal for teenage boys.

A word of caution though try to avoid taking antidepressants of the SSRI class amongst other things they can cause sexual dysfunction which can last after you stop taking them. Other medical antidepressants can cause weight gain. And both of those can seriously worsen depression. I personally lost most my 20's to these side effects.

There are some safer more natural antidepressants but you should consult your doctor before you start them. St. Johns Wort is a herb that has a lot of good research behind it. Some of the bodybuilding suppliments have some links for depression, you would have to look these up but I think NAC (n-acylcystine) has some evidence for depression. I think the other one is l-lysene. All of these you can get from a good health store but make sure they are high quality reputable brands, don't get them off the internet and CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR FIRST!!

This has been a cumulus James presentation for the lunacy fringe.

 

[Anonymous Rex]

thats just it though. I do talk to her. its like i cant accept that good things are happening to me.

Do you feel like they shouldn't? That you're not a good person somehow?

It's hard to say what's causing this for you without more detail, but it sounds like you should probably consult a doctor.

It's possible that with this girl you did the 'noble' thing, not for noble reasons, but because somewhere in your head you think you don't deserve the pleasure?

I dont want to sound cocky but i spend nearly everyday in the gym lifting and have once been on a poster for my local gym haha. Im not proud of that really.

Personally I'd be a bit chuffed if a gym owner thought I'd make a good advertisement for them....

Could be worth looking at this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia#Significance_in_depression

But enough here to talk to a doctor maybe, about the possibility of depression, and to talk about whatever supplements you're using.

 

[Chasm]

chuffed
had 2 look that up
didnt know if it meant feeling gr8 or being pissd
LoL
ty google>>
"Chuffed - You would be chuffed to bits if you were really pleased about something."
http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

 

[Anonymous Rex]

Yeah, I think it's only English slang, and it's a kind of goofy, old-fashioned word - you wouldn't have the cool kids on TV using that word, so I'd imagine it doesn't travel abroad that well...

Glad I could help you learn something new Chasm!