I was better alone.

[M_also_lonely]

Some people here know how I met a girl some days ago and how she gave her number. Nothing could be worse than what happened next. She asked me to meet.
Really this feels worse than anything else. I am so nervous. I have not replied her yet.Because I have never been alone with a girl. And I dont know what will happen there. What do people talk. How do they behave. How do they eat. Who orders food, who does what, who doesnt do what, etc. What will I talk? Anything? But what? She comes from a rich family and she is so smart and beautiful, like those actresses. She was in international school previously. People these are so advanced and fluent. She has a lot of friends who speak those funky words and have fun.I dont know how to describe. Dont know why and what does she want to talk to me. She is too smarter for me. I mean, all I can manage is to talk to simple girls for 2-3 mins. Not with a girl like that.
Its like giving an interview to Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs and Barak Obama sitting in front of me together.

Obviously she will have little expectations from me to talk a bit. But I dont want formal talks.I want to talk like her friends, in a funny way. I want to make her smile and laugh, not bored.


Actually I know nothing about the world. It feels like she is Eminem and I am an old man in 1800 century, and she will sing in front of me. What will I understand???

I am 100 years behind the world. I dont know much about movies, sports etc. and getting to know these properly takes time. I dont have that much time.


So I am thinking of saying no, because I deserve a simple girl at most.She is too smarter for me. I have nothing to talk. What I know is too old and boring for her. She is so smart.

I want to make her interested and smile. Like those couples who talk a lot and become close friends.
She has,so many friends that she wont tell about her so easily. I want to be her friend, not her boring interviewer, incase we meet.. Please help.

I was better alone.

 

[TheRealCallie]

A girl is just another person, whether rich or poor, not much different really from a man. They have feelings and want to talk and get to know people and eat and all that stuff, so stop being intimidated just because she has different body parts than you do.

What will happen is you will go and have a good time. Get to know a new person, have fun, get a meal and maybe go for a walk after. Hold the door for her and help her into her chair at the restaurant. Use manners when you are with her.

Talk about whatever you want, ask her questions to get to know her, talk about yourself a little. How do they eat? By using silverware and putting it in your mouth, just like everyone else. You don't know her, so let her order for herself and you can order for yourself.

Stop psyching yourself out and just go with the flow. Who cares where she's been or how smart she is. That means nothing and that definitely does NOT mean she is too good for you. The more you think about it, the more you'll have time to think of worse case scenarios that will likely never happen. So, just calm down, relax, tell her you accept the invitation and just do it.

 

[Sometimes]

OK, so here is my advice,

I'm going to assume she is a nice, kind person.

Assuming this, you could appeal to her nurturing instincts, and tell her you need her help understanding how things are supposed to work. Don't tell her your innermost thoughts, though. Stay mostly on the surface, or you might creep her out. DON'T hate on yourself. If it helps, imagine her as an older sister who doesn't really know you well, but cares about you.

Ask her questions about herself, and really BE interested in what she says. Try to relax and laugh about your lack of knowledge about the world, ask her to explain, to help you.

If you want to make her laugh, you have to see humour in things, and you have to be able to laugh. You are not a standup comedian, and you shouldn't be. Light simple laughter is good enough. We take our cues from each other in conversation, so if she's at all present and interested she will be doing this too, taking cues from you.

Remember, you are practicing, this is only one opportunity of many.

 

[Despicable Me]

What will happen is you will go and have a good time. Get to know a new person, have fun, get a meal and maybe go for a walk after. Hold the door for her and help her into her chair at the restaurant. Use manners when you are with her.

Did he say this was a date? As far as I understand, 'helping a girl into her chair' is a big 'I think this is a date' flag and will probably send the wrong message. But that is an archaic social convention anyway, women are perfectly able to sit on their own and don't need a guy holding their chair for them. So many women don't even like that these days.

Callie is right she is just a person, though.
Maybe going to international schools made her more lonely? It's hard to make real friends when you're traveling around to different places and never staying for too long in one place. Lots of people who travel don't have many real friends.
So are you really sure she has many friends, or are you just assuming that she does because some guys might try to flirt with her often?
If she does have social skills herself, then that's a bonus. She can help you learn to talk and socialize better. Learn from her. Take her lead and follow.

Mostly just take Callie's advice, except for the chair thing, and just relax and calm down. Treat her like she is a regular person. This anxiety will only cause you to freeze up.

If you do end up saying you'll meet her, I'd also suggest being honest and let her know you're not very good at talking in person and might not know what to say. You could even ask her to help you learn how to socialize better.

If you really think you are better off alone, do you really think you could live the rest of your life being alone? Because if you're always too scared to even talk with people in person then that's where you'll end up. I doubt you want that, so you'll have to do it eventually. Might as well do it now while you're still young, huh?

Anyway, try not to scare her away by saying anything weird.
Sometimes advice above is good for this. Read their post, too.

And, just to be sure, make sure this isn't some kind of trick.
Why does she want to meet? Where does she want to meet? How did she ask? I'll be honest, I'm very skeptical of people in general. I've got some trust issues but some people really can be rather cruel and you don't want to fall into one of their traps. Just be sure this is 'real' before you go and do anything just yet.

And don't say 'No' unless this really is a trick. You'll regret it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Did he say this was a date? As far as I understand, 'helping a girl into her chair' is a big 'I think this is a date' flag and will probably send the wrong message. But that is an archaic social convention anyway, women are perfectly able to sit on their own and don't need a guy holding their chair for them. So many women don't even like that these days.

Personally, I don't feel it matters whether it's a date or not. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. If you go to a fancy restaurant, the waiter usually helps the woman into her chair. It's no different, really. No, a woman doesn't NEED it done for them, or anything else for that matter, but so what, it's still nice when it happens.
Perhaps there should be more chivalry (including helping ladies into chairs) in the world. I'm not sure how women can know whether they like it or not when it's so rarely done.

---

And, just to be sure, make sure this isn't some kind of trick.
Why does she want to meet? Where does she want to meet? How did she ask? I'll be honest, I'm very skeptical of people in general. I've got some trust issues but some people really can be rather cruel and you don't want to fall into one of their traps. Just be sure this is 'real' before you go and do anything just yet.

Also, he's nervous and worrying himself to death already and he hasn't even agreed, this will only serve to make him more paranoid about it.

Take a risk, say yes, have a good time. Worse case scenario, you learn a lesson. One typically can't have anything good unless you take risks.

 

[Despicable Me]

Personally, I don't feel it matters whether it's a date or not. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. If you go to a fancy restaurant, the waiter usually helps the woman into her chair. It's no different, really. No, a woman doesn't NEED it done for them, or anything else for that matter, but so what, it's still nice when it happens.
Perhaps there should be more chivalry (including helping ladies into chairs) in the world. I'm not sure how women can know whether they like it or not when it's so rarely done.

Well, there are plenty of women in the world who disagree with you, and not to name any groups, but some take the concept of "chivalry" and will degrade you for it, as a guy, even though it's expected of you by people like yourself. So it's kind of a doomed if you do, doomed if you don't situation. It's a situation only men and lesbians only have to deal with, I guess?
So you might wonder why chivalry is dead? You can blame the other half of women out there.

Also, apparently I've never been to a "fancy restaurant" in my entire life.
Good to know, lol.

Also, he's nervous and worrying himself to death already and he hasn't even agreed, this will only serve to make him more paranoid about it.

Yeah, I know, but what hurts someone's self esteem more, scaring a nice girl away by accident or getting dumped on by a cruel girl and her ruthless friends?
I'm not saying he should worry or say no, but he should just be careful and think before he acts. And to think about it he has to calm down and relax first.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Personally, I don't feel it matters whether it's a date or not. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. If you go to a fancy restaurant, the waiter usually helps the woman into her chair. It's no different, really. No, a woman doesn't NEED it done for them, or anything else for that matter, but so what, it's still nice when it happens.
Perhaps there should be more chivalry (including helping ladies into chairs) in the world. I'm not sure how women can know whether they like it or not when it's so rarely done.

Well, there are plenty of women in the world who disagree with you, and not to name any groups, but some take the concept of "chivalry" and will degrade you for it, as a guy, even though it's expected of you by people like yourself. So it's kind of a doomed if you do, doomed if you don't situation. It's a situation only men and lesbians only have to deal with, I guess?
So you might wonder why chivalry is dead? You can blame the other half of women out there.

Also, apparently I've never been to a "fancy restaurant" in my entire life.
Good to know, lol.

Expected? No, just a nice gesture and surprise when it happens. I'm not saying do it ALL the time, of course, but it can be a good first impression if you show her that you are a gentleman and chivalrous.
But, I will admit that I have held chairs out for friends of mine and guys. "Role" reversals can be just as nice sometimes. lol

 

[Despicable Me]

Well maybe 'expected' isn't the word I was looking for. I just mean that you see it in a positive way while there's others who see it negatively. Others don't care at all.
This is just common sense but I guess it's safe to just say that you can't make everyone happy.

Anyway, I'd agree it might impress her if she is into that sort of thing. Could open up the relationship on new levels even. I would still think M should probably not try it quite yet at this stage, though. He should try to keep the awkwardness to a minimum risk, if possible, and I could see that chair thing going many different ways. And I doubt they're going to meet anywhere fancy or nice. He's probably just talking about meeting somewhere like the library. Right, M?

 

[Batman55]

I say he should go. Some skepticism is healthy, but then again if his gut feeling is that she is honest and trustworthy, he probably doesn't need to worry too much.

 

[M_also_lonely]

But what will happen there? How will I start? What will I say in order to not bore her? What if she says something I have no idea about and is common for others?

When will it end? How shall I end it? Or wait for her to end it?

What if a call comes on my phone ? If say I am busy she will think that I am careless at other work and if I talk on phone she will think that I am wasting her time.

Where will we go? What if she doesnt like the place?


Are there any questions I am not allowed to ask? Is there something I must ask?

Is it called a date? If not, what? What makes a meeting a date?

What will I wear? I am not like her friends, fashionable. I wear simple clothes that I like and my sisters advice me to change it. I dont have any hair style. I dont have muscular body.

I dont know how to talk.

Please help.

---

What if she doesnt like my voice? What if she doesnt lilke my looks? Wgat if she doesnt like my speaking language?? I am so confused. I have never met a girl before.

When shall I smile? When shall I laugh?
How to make her smile???

And dont confuse me in the chair thing.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Some people here know how I met a girl some days ago and how she gave her number. Nothing could be worse than what happened next. She asked me to meet.
Really this feels worse than anything else. I am so nervous. I have not replied her yet.Because I have never been alone with a girl. And I dont know what will happen there. What do people talk. How do they behave. How do they eat. Who orders food, who does what, who doesnt do what, etc. What will I talk? Anything? But what? She comes from a rich family and she is so smart and beautiful, like those actresses. She was in international school previously. People these are so advanced and fluent. She has a lot of friends who speak those funky words and have fun.I dont know how to describe. Dont know why and what does she want to talk to me. She is too smarter for me. I mean, all I can manage is to talk to simple girls for 2-3 mins. Not with a girl like that.

I think that putting her on such a seemingly high pedestal is setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. It might be nerve-wracking, but it's not impossible.

 

[Nicolelt]

But what will happen there? How will I start? What will I say in order to not bore her? What if she says something I have no idea about and is common for others?

When will it end? How shall I end it? Or wait for her to end it?

What if a call comes on my phone ? If say I am busy she will think that I am careless at other work and if I talk on phone she will think that I am wasting her time.

Where will we go? What if she doesnt like the place?


Are there any questions I am not allowed to ask? Is there something I must ask?

Is it called a date? If not, what? What makes a meeting a date?

What will I wear? I am not like her friends, fashionable. I wear simple clothes that I like and my sisters advice me to change it. I dont have any hair style. I dont have muscular body.

I dont know how to talk.

Please help.

---

What if she doesnt like my voice? What if she doesnt lilke my looks? Wgat if she doesnt like my speaking language?? I am so confused. I have never met a girl before.

When shall I smile? When shall I laugh?
How to make her smile???

And dont confuse me in the chair thing.

---

I'm going to answer some of your questions, but these are my opinions, so take em or leave em.

1. If you are afraid to bore her, ask questions instead. If she starts talking about something you know nothing about, ask her to elaborate. Then you don't have to talk so much. If I tell a guy I show dogs, and they ask about it, I can go on forever!

2. I really don't know. They kinda just end. When I got nervous with meeting up with people, I would set a time where I would leave. I would make something up where I had to be home by...whatever time so that I knew how it would end.

3. Just don't answer your phone, that's rude. Unless she says too.

4. Decided that beforehand, and have her pick. If she doesn't want to make 3 options and have her pick from those.

5. You can ask lots of questions at this point. I don't know of any you have to ask though.

6. You know....I don't know what would make it a date to be honest. But I agree with Callie, be gentlemanly. Heck my male students open doors for me and pull out my chair, and I am in no way in hell on a date with them.

7. Be comfortable. Don't be ragged, wear nicer clothes, but you don't want to be even more uncomfortable because of clothes.

8. So what if she doesn't like that stuff, you shouldn't have to change who you are for someone you just met.

9. Smile, laugh, or whatever when it comes natural to you.

Maybe this helps?

 

[lonelydoc]

If I were you, I would grow up and be a man.

There are few if any females who intimidate me. Granted, I will always be respectful and careful around beautiful women, but I am not intimidated by them.

I am only intimidated by other men, but even then I force myself not to be.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If I were you, I would grow up and be a man.

There are few if any females who intimidate me. Granted, I will always be respectful and careful around beautiful women, but I am not intimidated by them.

I am only intimidated by other men, but even then I force myself not to be.

Oh, so women who aren't "beautiful" doesn't deserve respect and carefulness? Wow, aren't you a bundle of awesome....

 

[M_also_lonely]

But what will happen there? How will I start? What will I say in order to not bore her? What if she says something I have no idea about and is common for others?

When will it end? How shall I end it? Or wait for her to end it?

What if a call comes on my phone ? If say I am busy she will think that I am careless at other work and if I talk on phone she will think that I am wasting her time.

Where will we go? What if she doesnt like the place?


Are there any questions I am not allowed to ask? Is there something I must ask?

Is it called a date? If not, what? What makes a meeting a date?

What will I wear? I am not like her friends, fashionable. I wear simple clothes that I like and my sisters advice me to change it. I dont have any hair style. I dont have muscular body.

I dont know how to talk.

Please help.

---

What if she doesnt like my voice? What if she doesnt lilke my looks? Wgat if she doesnt like my speaking language?? I am so confused. I have never met a girl before.

When shall I smile? When shall I laugh?
How to make her smile???

And dont confuse me in the chair thing.

---

I'm going to answer some of your questions, but these are my opinions, so take em or leave em.

1. If you are afraid to bore her, ask questions instead. If she starts talking about something you know nothing about, ask her to elaborate. Then you don't have to talk so much. If I tell a guy I show dogs, and they ask about it, I can go on forever!

2. I really don't know. They kinda just end. When I got nervous with meeting up with people, I would set a time where I would leave. I would make something up where I had to be home by...whatever time so that I knew how it would end.

3. Just don't answer your phone, that's rude. Unless she says too.

4. Decided that beforehand, and have her pick. If she doesn't want to make 3 options and have her pick from those.

5. You can ask lots of questions at this point. I don't know of any you have to ask though.

6. You know....I don't know what would make it a date to be honest. But I agree with Callie, be gentlemanly. Heck my male students open doors for me and pull out my chair, and I am in no way in hell on a date with them.

7. Be comfortable. Don't be ragged, wear nicer clothes, but you don't want to be even more uncomfortable because of clothes.

8. So what if she doesn't like that stuff, you shouldn't have to change who you are for someone you just met.

9. Smile, laugh, or whatever when it comes natural to you.

Maybe this helps?

---

Thank you, I will surely try to follow what you said.

---

If I were you, I would grow up and be a man.

There are few if any females who intimidate me. Granted, I will always be respectful and careful around beautiful women, but I am not intimidated by them.

I am only intimidated by other men, but even then I force myself not to be.

Oh, so women who aren't "beautiful" doesn't deserve respect and carefulness? Wow, aren't you a bundle of awesome....

Who knows, by "beautiful women" he might mean to say women with a beautiful heart?!!! Or a beautiful nature (means friendly and caring) . It all about how you perceive....

Because the first thing that came to my mind when he said "beautiful women" was "women with a honest and beautiful heart" ...I think what he wants to say is that if a person is beautiful by nature we automtically act in a positive way. And what you are thinking is that he says that if a woman is hot, he would be polite and if not, then he wont care. I dont think thats what he is saying. Its all about your mentality.

 

[Despicable Me]

Just relax, M. Nicolelt's advice was good. If you can't think of what to do or say, let her do the talking and let her choose the place and such. Don't talk on your phone or text when with someone. Most importantly, just relax and be yourself.
And just for reference, if you ever have to ask if its a date or not then just always assume it's not a date. Unless she indicates it is a date then it's probably not. It's just two people hanging out getting to know each other. The term 'date' is just a label anyway.

 

[Sci-Fi]

If I were you, I would grow up and be a man.

There are few if any females who intimidate me. Granted, I will always be respectful and careful around beautiful women, but I am not intimidated by them.

I am only intimidated by other men, but even then I force myself not to be.

Knock it off, there is no reason to be insulting.

 

[M_also_lonely]

But how will I go? What if she asks me to drop her? I dont have a car or bike.

 

[Despicable Me]

But how will I go? What if she asks me to drop her? I dont have a car or bike.

Be honest and just tell her that.

You seem to be wanting answers that make you someone you think she expects you to be, but you just need to be yourself because she is probably expecting you to be yourself, and if she isn't then she can deal with that herself. Nothing is going to change the truth.

So just relax and be honest with her. If you don't have a car, tell her you don't have a car. If you don't think you're very good at socializing in person, then tell her you don't think you're very good at socializing in person.
If she's a good person she will understand and accept you the way you are. And if not, then having any type of relationship with her would not be good for you anyway.