I was used as a tool.

[Sci-Fi]

He could have easily charged her for labor.

After she cried?

Cried for what? I think you have some seriously misconstrued concepts. Why would anyone cry after being told labor charge. Either you don't know how it works or you've never been charged, but labor costs are quite common.

I dunno, I've cried after seeing labour charges.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I dunno, I've cried after seeing labour charges.

I guess I should have added that. :club:

Here in this house, they were charged 300 bucks to pump out the sewage tank. Doesn't seem like much, but they really didn't have it to spare.

 

[kamya]

I think he was referring to when she cried after he told her what all was wrong with her car and how much it would cost to fix.

I explain things to her and she starts crying, she doesn't have the money, whats she going to do, going on and on.

 

[BeyondShy]

Oh and fresia.

You made me spill my bottle of water after I read this.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hate to break it to you, TB, but the issue of an apology doesn't always mean that one feels they were wrong. Sometimes it's just because there was a misunderstanding and the other person was confused or hurt.....
Doesn't mean my opinions were wrong.

Oh and fresia.

Only pulling your leg !

But I think you were wrong on this occasion !

---

It's not acceptable at all. She shouldn't have brought her boyfriend with them. It was between her and him. She must be as thick as pig honeysuckle if she didn't think bringing her bloke along would spoil it for the other guy. She was in the wrong ! End of story !

She wasn't wrong. It could have been just a friendly meal out, which anyone could have joined.

Oh, and watch your swearing. Wouldn't want to cuss up a storm, would ya? Sure you wouldn't.

Oh yeah why not invite the whole neighbourhood ?

---

We don't know her motives for this ?
Did she cry on purpose to get the guy to do the work on her car for next to nothing ?
Did her boyfriend insist on joining her when he found out about the dinner with the other guy ?

We don't know so it's pointless speculating.

One thing though, the guy had every right to be pissed off about the whole thing.
And he should learn from the experience.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Oh yeah why not invite the whole neighbourhood ?

They could have if they wanted to, I guess. But I think you're taking this to heart and way too seriously. They both used their wits and suave to try and gain something.

One thing though, the guy had every right to be pissed off about the whole thing.
And he should learn from the experience.

Yes, learning that it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Oh yeah why not invite the whole neighbourhood ?

They could have if they wanted to, I guess. But I think you're taking this to heart and way too seriously. They both used their wits and suave to try and gain something.

I'm not taking it seriously at all.

I just think a lot of people on this thread have been defending a woman who didn't deserve it !

One thing though, the guy had every right to be pissed off about the whole thing.
And he should learn from the experience.

Yes, learning that it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not taking it seriously at all.

I just think a lot of people on this thread have been defending a woman who didn't deserve it !

People can defend whoever they want. That's not up to you to decide for anyone but yourself. Just because you think differently doesn't mean everyone else is wrong.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm not taking it seriously at all.

I just think a lot of people on this thread have been defending a woman who didn't deserve it !

But you don't KNOW this girl. For that matter, you don't even know the OP. All of what he wrote could be a complete lie to make himself look good. NOT saying this is true, but there is always that possibility on the internet.

You have ONE side of the story, not both, not the whole story, not her story...only ONE. I hate it when people take one story and view it as fact when they don't even know the person who wrote it, the other person or the other side of it. It's wrong, so yes, I will "defend" the girl, because no one else seems to want to see it from that perspective.

"OMG, a guy got swindled by yet another nasty user of a female, LET'S ALL RALLY TO HIS DEFENSE!!!!!!" Yeah, no, I don't play those games.

 

[Xpendable]

I think we all have fallen into a gender bias about this. We men can't avoid see the issue without relating it with our previous experiences.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think we all have fallen into a gender bias about this. We men can't avoid see the issue without relating it with our previous experiences.

You have. You can't speak for anyone else. And women can also relate things to previous experiences. It sounds like you just want people to feel sorry for you for some reason because you're a guy. With your attitude on things, it'd probably be the same way if you were a lady.

 

[Xpendable]

You have. You can't speak for anyone else. And women can also relate things to previous experiences. It sounds like you just want people to feel sorry for you for some reason because you're a guy. With your attitude on things, it'd probably be the same way if you were a lady.

I admit fault and I still get despise?

I was just trying to find an end to the discussion. I said we because I see other male users had similar views. But whatever, you can think what you want; its your right.

 

[BeyondShy]

You have. You can't speak for anyone else. And women can also relate things to previous experiences. It sounds like you just want people to feel sorry for you for some reason because you're a guy. With your attitude on things, it'd probably be the same way if you were a lady.

I admit fault and I still get despise?

I was just trying to find an end to the discussion. I said we because I see other male users had similar views. But whatever, you can think what you want; its your right.

Who's despising you? Only you see it like that.

 

[Peaches]

Because she doesn't seem to actually care about this guy.

And the last thing she said is a classic thing someone would say to keep someone else on the hook. If you aren't a guy maybe you haven't had to deal with this kind of thing. Or maybe you have I dunno. But it happens all the time. She will use his feelings to her advantage again if she ever needs to.

Whether shes a horrible person or not I don't know. She is definitely manipulative. Not my thing at all so if it were me I'd stay away. Unless you enjoy dealing with this stuff in your life.

Even as a female, that does sound like someone trying to keep someone else on the hook - or someone extremely bad in communication trying to apologise with "I like you", but in any case if one has a crush on someone with a boyfriend, who is clearly romantically more interested in the boyfriend, better keep at large.
**** what stork_error writes below is really interesting, did she seem truly desperate and/or do you know if she really has major financial problems? In that case it might be understandable if she behaved like that, and also she might be sincere if she says that she feels guilty, because she acted out of necessity.

 

[stork_error]

If a guy wanted to fix my car for me and he asked me out for dinner i would know 100% that he was interested in me. I would not want to make him feel used so i would reply, " I would, except my bf probably wouldn't like that"

The right thing to do is: If he still wanted to fix my car i would be grateful and appreciate that i have a kind friend to help me. If not, i would totally understand as its a lot to expect from someone who you are not involved with or close to.

What i would probably try to do is : tell him where i stand, and then maybe try to convince him to do it out of his own kindness Its wrong to lead him to think something else ( dinner for two) and then slap him in the face. ( dinner for 3 )

However, given the time and circumstance, ppl can act out of character in times of desperation and do things that conflict with thier basic morals or ethics

So imo, yes, It was a slap in the face, and the woman choose to be selfish in her desperation. However, selfishness in desperation does not necessarily mean general selfishness. Sometimes desperate situations make us act differently than we might normally act.

in retrospect, when you decide to do someone a favor, make that decision with the expectation of nothing in return. Help others because you can, with no strings attached... or simply dont. There is nothing wrong with bartering favours as long as the conditions of the barter are not ambitious or deceitful.

The flip side of looking at this is that the guy was treating her like a hooker, eg- ill fix your car if you get with me. However the op explained his thoughts and feelings and I dont think it was like this at all.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If a guy wanted to fix my car for me and he asked me out for dinner i would know 100% that he was interested in me. I would not want to make him feel used so i would reply, " I would, except my bf probably wouldn't like that"

I get the dinner part. But if he simply wanted to fix your car, or help you with it, would you still say the same? Legit question. Not trying to be a smartass.

 

[stork_error]

this was actually a really tough question to answer because of the variables

who is the guy, is he a good guy or a player ******* trying to get some ass

what is my situation, i am about to be homeless because i have no car to get to work or am I working and capable.

here is my best answer.

99% of the time, i would adhere to my morals and try my best not to lead the guy on...

and the .5 % would be if I knew he was a real prick out to get some ass and I had the opportunity to take advantage of a real prick and teach him a lesson which yes i know its 100% wrong but the prick might deserve it.( its residual anger from the x)

or

.5% would be if i was on the verge of homelessness because i had no car to get to work. I would have to be very very desperate to deceive someone like that, and with that, i would feel extremely guilty and at some point later in time when i had the money or opportunity to repay the favour, i would do it just out of the blue with no warning and do it in a way that the person could not refuse it

Though i have never let a man fix my car other than a bf, i will admit to accepting dinners from jerkoff men i had no interest in but it was during a time when i felt men who came across as jerks deserved to be mildly used for dinners.

On maybe 2 occasions I did let nice decent guys pay for my dinner out of financial desperation and I wasn't honest about my intentions, and i felt very bad about it, but i was hungry.

I have never let a nice guy fix my car under any condition unless he knew where i stood, and i cant actually remember accepting someone to fix my car that wasnt my bf

So would i let a nice guy fix my car?, yes, but the offer to me is so grand it implies that the person has a romantic interest and as the op said (in different words), he is trying to earn brownie points. I take it that way, so i would always 99.5% of the time let him know that i wasnt interested and then leave the decision to him.

I try not to feel now days that jerks deserve to be used. Maybe they do, maybe they dont, but i have my own money now and since i don't want a jerk having power over me its much less likely to happen with that perception prevailing over the suck his pockets dry mentality.

i think morals can be swayed by survival needs and by egotistical/angry motivations. how one handles each scenario depends on the person and the situation..

 

[Xpendable]

Who's despising you? Only you see it like that.

It sounds like you just want people to feel sorry for you for some reason because you're a guy.

When someone twists other people's words to made them sound wrong it means there's a latent despise for that person's opinion.

If you keep arguing you're an *******, if you apologize it means you want people to feel sorry for you.
See how is rigged?

 

[BeyondShy]

When someone twists other people's words to made them sound wrong it means there's a latent despise for that person's opinion.

No one twists your words around. You do that enough yourself so why should anyone bother?

If you keep arguing you're an *******, if you apologize it means you want people to feel sorry for you.
See how is rigged?

Oh I sure do. Whatever you do and whatever you say is misunderstood. The whole world is against you. No one likes you. The only mail you receive are bills. Dogs bark at you when they see you. When you go to a restaurant the waitresses won't take your order.

Everything's rigged. I see it clearly now. Thank you!

 

[Xpendable]

No one twists your words around. You do that enough yourself, so why should anyone bother?

Why would I turn around my own words?

Oh I sure do. Whatever you do and whatever you say is misunderstood. The whole world is against you. No one likes you. The only mail you receive are bills. Dogs bark at you when they see you. When you go to a restaurant the waitresses won't take your order.

Everything's rigged. I see it clearly now. Thank you!

Dude, you are literally proving my point.