If you had (or have) a child....

[L0nely]

What would you do (or do you) to make sure he or she doesn't end up lonely when he or she grows up?

If I had a boy I would probably sign him up for sports at an early age and force him to go whether he liked it or not. Probably aggressive ones like boxing and football. I also wouldn't tolerate any crying especially for things like being treated unfairly. I think part of my problem is that I was taught that it's okay to be shy, passive and weak weak when in reality if a child is these are problems that should be dealt with sooner rather than later.

If I had a girl I'm not sure what I would do I don't know much about them (hmm)....

I'm interested to hear from people who have children. It's easy for me to say these things but I'd bet if I were a parent I'd have a hard time doing them if my child resisted.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I also wouldn't tolerate any crying especially for things like being treated unfairly.

It's never a good thing to teach a child that it's not OK to express what they feel inside, even if that means crying because they considered something unfair. Repressing feelings is never a good thing.
Better to acknowledge their feelings and help them understand that things arent always going to be fair.

 

[Hoffy]

I have 3 boys. When they get hurt I just ask if they are ok. If they aren't I look to see and if they are I say it's ok and you're ok. I don't baby them to much in the department but if they come to me crying about wanting something that's when I cave in. I just can't say no.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I wish I had kids, I love kids, I probably wouldn't feel so lonely if I did. I'd just make sure they enjoy life and get involved in whatever they enjoyed and spent time with friends. Can't really prevent them from being lonely, if it's going to happen it's going to happen.

 

[Ak5]

I would want to have kids eventually.

The first thing I would make sure is that they are fit, being overweight is what killed me (socially) for years.

Most important thing is that I would teach them to love themselves and be confident in themselves.

 

[whispers]

I have two daughters, hard to controle what they are going through. My oldest was always a loner, i tryed to get her to socialise but she ended up having only one friend. So one year that friend ditched her, and she went into depression, she wanted to quit shcool, she cried coming back from school. My heart was breaking. Then she started gaining weight, i tried to make her eat healthy, didnt buy junk food, but somehow, she was able to gain over 80 pounds. I had to talk to everyone in my family, because she would go and eat at everyones house. Well a few years later she is still overweight, but trying to loose it, she got involved in art and drama in school, and became the cool funny girl. She is fine now, but its difficult to accept that they have theur own lives and experiences to live.

 

[annik]

I don't have kids but I can see this from my point of view. My mum blames herself for a lot of my problems and issues but truly it isn't her fault. My sister turned out "ok", well better than me at least. You can only try your best as a parent but you can't force your kids to be this way or that. They will grow up and develop the way they do and will be effected by other influences some out of your control. All I guess you can do is help in any way you can or any way they need.

I doubt I'll ever get the chance to practice this though.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Same as annik, my mom blames herself for my social problems and depression, even though she did the best she could. She seems to think she damaged me - no...society damaged me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I have 5 children. 2 biological. 3 steps.
The ironic twist of my life is. I raised my step children and my not own.
Never the less..you never stop being a parent no matter how your
Kids are or whatever the circumstances.

My 2 step duaghterd thay raised...i pretty much let them interact
With other kids. It was a learning process for myself as a parent.
When and where to set boundaries for them. To protect them but
Not to be ever protective.
Also not to psss on messed up ideas that my parents pass on to me.

My step son needed a lot of work when I first got him.
Bascailly he was living in isolation becuase of over protective parenting.
I had to encourage him to go out...take the **** vedio games from him...etc.
Run his fat ass around the park. Get him to be more active.
Talk to him about the birds and bees...etc
Talk him through Y2k...honeysuckle like that.
The kid lived in constant fears when I first got him. He was on meds...ect
I fought very hard to get him off of meds.
He's fading back and forth.
He currently is over wieght again and back into veido games as a man.
He has friends..he parties or whatever..but that's just surface stuff.
Hopeful he'll remember some of things I thought him..such as change your thinking change your life.

My youngest biological duaghter (Kimi). Chloe's daughter.
My life is full of extraordinary circumstance.
Plenty of blame to go around for everyone.
At the core of it. I feel very responsiable for Kimi.
My relationship Kimi is very fragile. She loves me very much.
Kimi lives a very luxgerious life style. Plenty of money, party and people in her life.
Kimi is very straight forward to me about everything.
She holds me accountiable for everything I do.
Kimi is very heart broken. Very extraordinary circumstances.
It's probably the hardest thing Ive had to face in my life. Even at this piont and time in my life.
Right, wrong or indiffernce all Kimi wants from me is to be her father or dad.
Many other things Kimi truely wants in her heart.
I love her unconditionally no matter what.

 

[Frito Bandito]

Yes, it is important to raise your children to be tough. Those that coddle their children, wound their children, sometimes irreparably.

 

[nerdygirl]

I wonder how you'd teach your son not to cry. Are we talking about encouraging him to find other outlets, like, "Hey, instead of crying, try going for a good run!" or are we talking about making him feel even worse by making fun of him/ threatening him?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Kelsie is vrry tough and strong...
Out of all the children is the one doimg
Well as a person than all my children.

I allowed her to cry, vent or feel her anger.
Most important thing about Kelsie was...
She demanded to treated with repect
As a human being or soul at a very early
age. She was my teacher in a lot of ways...
She was pure and innocent. Intuitively
She already knew how to figure out a lot
problems that adults with issues cant figure
Out at the age of 3. A very wise soul she is.

I could never froce Kelsie to do anything
She wishes not to do. She was actaully
A very good child. She nevered acted out
Nor was mean. She intuitively knew right
and wrong and made good decisions most
Of the time.
I never had to counsel Kelsie.
I simply listened to her as if i was listening To an aduilt.
She just needs asdurance thst shes loved.

Kelsie can be a super model if she wishes to be one.
She built just like one...perfect face, body, hieghts...etc
She has no shortage of men chasing her..
Kelsie makes her own decisions on how she wishes to live.
The thing of it is...people or guys will mistaken her for her looks.
She'll kick your fucken ass if you fresia with her.

Kelsie used to fall off the high beam on her head.
Or sometimes she'll land very akward doing her gymnastic moves.
She'll scream and cry in agony..but she gets up inspite of her pains.
and mastered her gymnatic routine..At the age of 5.
She a very determind person from early on. I nevered had to teach her that.
She came into this life like that.

As a young woman. Kelsie still reaches
To me. That bonding we have.
She just needs someone to listen to
Her every now and then. And assured that
she's loved when life throws her a curve ball.
Ivr had never consel or gave afvice to Kelsie.
Yrs, she cries or feels angery...she expresses
That to me...im her dad.
If anything...Kelsie was a visual learner...
I certainly couldnt tell onething then do the other.
Do as i say and not as i do...
As at age of 3.. kelsie called me on that bullshit.

Kimi wants that same type of relationship with
me.. just to assure her that shes loved no matter
what....im her dad.
My children nevered had to earn my love.

Do i like or agree with some the decisions my children
Make? Not all of them...thats not the piont.

Girls are harder to raise after they turn 16.lol

 

[The Good Citizen]

What would you do (or do you) to make sure he or she doesn't end up lonely when he or she grows up?

If I had a boy I would probably sign him up for sports at an early age and force him to go whether he liked it or not. Probably aggressive ones like boxing and football. I also wouldn't tolerate any crying especially for things like being treated unfairly. I think part of my problem is that I was taught that it's okay to be shy, passive and weak weak when in reality if a child is these are problems that should be dealt with sooner rather than later.

If I had a girl I'm not sure what I would do I don't know much about them (hmm)....

I'm interested to hear from people who have children. It's easy for me to say these things but I'd bet if I were a parent I'd have a hard time doing them if my child resisted.

Were you really taught to be shy, passive and weak or do you feel that way about yourself and look to how you were brought up as a reason?

It can't be right to come down hard on a child for crying and being 'weak' because thats how you view yourself. I understand the need for discipline, that is still important but the best way to develop a well rounded individual is through love supoprt and encouragement. I agree sometime you have to be tough on a child and let them stand on their own two feet but having the mindset of not tollerating crying as crying is weak is not the way to go. Do you want a child to grow up unable to express themselves or show emotion through the medium of playing agressive contact sports? Is that the best way to guarantee they wont be lonely?

My two boys are very different, I don't think I have raised them differently but one is introverted and the other a complete extrovert (they have different mothers which probably reflects their different natures so in some respects its innate anyway). Your child will to some extent grow up to be a relection of yourself, as that will be who they look to for guidance first and foremost so I would think more about the example you set to your child in terms of being the sort of person you want them to be. It would seem counter productive to be punishing them for falling short of being the person you yourself would like to be.

Sorry, just my thoughts but totally disagree with that notion!

 

[tangerinedream]

What would you do (or do you) to make sure he or she doesn't end up lonely when he or she grows up?

The sad thing is, I don't think that there is anything we can do to prevent our kids' being lonely down the road.

I think that there are some people who are just going to be lonely despite their upbringing, despite their experiences, despite the people who surround them.

The best that we can do, as parents - and I am a mom - is try to instill in our kids the notion that they have the ability to cope with what life deals them, whether it is loneliness or something different. I am there for my kids now, but I will not always be there. My daughters need to know that there is a well of self-reliance there on which they can draw that will see them through life's tough spots.

I try to show them that there ARE people out there that care for them and that yes, they can rely on others, but they should not hold the idea that they can ONLY rely on others. At some point, we all have to wade through the honeysuckle ourselves.

Nurture, but encourage self-reliance.

I don't think that it is ever a good idea to tell someone that they can not express his feelings.

 

[freedom]

If I had a boy I would probably sign him up for sports at an early age and force him to go whether he liked it or not. Probably aggressive ones like boxing and football.

i'm not so sure that this would be a very good idea. forcing a child to do something that they're not interested in would only perpetuate them into feeling lonely. they would feel like their opinion didn't matter and that they were powerless. i know from experience. putting them into agressive sports wouldn't work either. it would be like putting a wounded animal in a cage and then beating that cage with a stick hoping that it would toughen it up. it'll just terrify it, and once it's out of it's cage, it will have lost all trust in humans. again, i know from experience. of course, if one doesn't trust anybody, one can only be lonely.

it goes without saying that some of us are just not meant to be social and outgoing and the like. some of us are just born this way. just my two cents.

 

[Okiedokes]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being shy. However, I understand your point with the loneliness factor and also living in the world today. Needing social skills and confidence. But at such a young age... I wouldn't push it as that could have opposite effects. I think just going to school and being around other kids would help with loneliness and if they want to participate in an after school activity after grade school..then I'll look into it. Otherwise I don't want to push the matter.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Encourage them to have a social life and be independent and give them the ability to fulfill their dreams. Show them how to dress right though because that is often a first impression, otherwise, let them be themselves.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

There is nothing wrong with a man crying.

In fact, it is abnormal not to cry when you're sad, so you're teaching your sons to be abnormal, if you teach them not to cry.

 

[SophiaGrace]

There is nothing wrong with a man crying.

+1

 

[Frito Bandito]

I don't know if I remember how to cry.

I cried as a child. That I remember.

I've learned to replace sadness with resolve over the years.

Like my workaholism, it's a distraction.

Focus, focus, focus on the destination.

Kind of like a soldier.

No time to stop and think if you are moving forward.