I'm tired of being single

[Outcast]

I don't know why it's easy for other people but not for me. I find it hard for me to actually go up and talk to somebody anymore. It's sad.

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What exactly is your problem, just transportation or something else?

Sounds like you should read A jaguarundi guide to finding someone if you haven't already.

Mainly transport which will get better when I can drive legally. I've been saving up for a car which I started a business to help pay for the financing and I once I get my DSLR I'm going to make scrap books to sell to help pay for that too.

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Getting a car would definitely be a step in the right direction. Then you can go out and try to meet people on your own terms, not having to rely on shitty public transport. Not to mention not having a way to get around would make it extremely difficult to keep a healthy relationship going anyway. So if I were you I would make that my #1 priority.

 

[African_weasel]

I don't know why it's easy for other people but not for me. I find it hard for me to actually go up and talk to somebody anymore. It's sad.

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What exactly is your problem, just transportation or something else?

Sounds like you should read A jaguarundi guide to finding someone if you haven't already.

Mainly transport which will get better when I can drive legally. I've been saving up for a car which I started a business to help pay for the financing and I once I get my DSLR I'm going to make scrap books to sell to help pay for that too.

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Getting a car would definitely be a step in the right direction. Then you can go out and try to meet people on your own terms, not having to rely on shitty public transport. Not to mention not having a way to get around would make it extremely difficult to keep a healthy relationship going anyway. So if I were you I would make that my #1 priority.

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Done and done. I had to bare the fact that I have to go to a PUA meetup for that reason. I've downloaded several free books off of iTunes so I will have somethings to talk about. Most of them are in French.

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[Outcast]

I don't know why it's easy for other people but not for me. I find it hard for me to actually go up and talk to somebody anymore. It's sad.

---

What exactly is your problem, just transportation or something else?

Sounds like you should read A jaguarundi guide to finding someone if you haven't already.

Mainly transport which will get better when I can drive legally. I've been saving up for a car which I started a business to help pay for the financing and I once I get my DSLR I'm going to make scrap books to sell to help pay for that too.

---

Getting a car would definitely be a step in the right direction. Then you can go out and try to meet people on your own terms, not having to rely on shitty public transport. Not to mention not having a way to get around would make it extremely difficult to keep a healthy relationship going anyway. So if I were you I would make that my #1 priority.

---

Done and done. I had to bare the fact that I have to go to a PUA meetup for that reason. I've downloaded several free books off of iTunes so I will have somethings to talk about. Most of them are in French.

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As for having trouble approaching people (Women in particular), I understand where you are coming from because I have the same problems at times. Your fear of rejection is your worst enemy yet it usually just doesn’t happen. The fact is, a beautiful woman won’t scream and run away from you. She won’t point you out to her friends and laugh.

The truth is, most attractive women will respond somewhere between neutral and positive to being approached because you’re doing something that makes them feel good. It’s flattering, and for that reason alone you’ll almost never see a woman respond by getting upset, being rude or acting offended, as long as you are polite and seem put together. At least that's my opinion.

And its definitely not sad and you shouldn't put yourself down because of it, its a very common problem.

 

[NOAH_FX]

I don't know why it's easy for other people but not for me. I find it hard for me to actually go up and talk to somebody anymore. It's sad.

---

What exactly is your problem, just transportation or something else?

Sounds like you should read A jaguarundi guide to finding someone if you haven't already.

Mainly transport which will get better when I can drive legally. I've been saving up for a car which I started a business to help pay for the financing and I once I get my DSLR I'm going to make scrap books to sell to help pay for that too.

---

Getting a car would definitely be a step in the right direction. Then you can go out and try to meet people on your own terms, not having to rely on shitty public transport. Not to mention not having a way to get around would make it extremely difficult to keep a healthy relationship going anyway. So if I were you I would make that my #1 priority.

---

Done and done. I had to bare the fact that I have to go to a PUA meetup for that reason. I've downloaded several free books off of iTunes so I will have somethings to talk about. Most of them are in French.

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Don't rely on that PUA stuff, please... I've seen it turn guys who were really great people, that girl's would be interested in, they just never gave themselves the chance, into.. Dicks.. Complete dickery (if thats a word)

Remember that you judge yourself, way harder that anyone else will.
Just give it a shot. I have a buddy who thought for sure this girl didn't like him. He thought he was too old, too dumb.. too boaring.. I told him to just ask her out, they've been together 3 years. Now if only i could listen to my own advice

 

[Andre1986]

I feel ya man. It's just some of these females would go for the ahole in a hurry, then talk about how they are hurt and blah blah blah lol. Personally, we as males have to put the effort, especially the so called nice guys. I have no trouble starting a convo with a female, and you would think that since I am in community college which is nothing but people my age and older with a abundance of females where you can try your hand at, but I'm working on that, and hopefully something will work out, but i say just don't give up, and sometimes just say a good gesture to someone you could possibly like, like hi, or something lol. I believe somebody is out there for someone, but don't get into a relationship that you don't want to be in, I almost did that, and glad I didnt.

 

[Boreal]

Relationships don't cure problems. They give you someone to spend time with, and bring some new concerns to the table. Some examples you may meet one or several of:

* What is this person really feeling?
* How can I stop these arguments that have sprung up?
* What is this person sensitive about and how can I be empathetic about that?
* Does this person want children? Do I want children?
* How can I get along with this family member of theirs that doesn't like me, or avoid fighting with them?
* Why don't they seem interested in intimacy right now?
* Why do they always leave their socks on the floor?
* What do they mean I'm not open with my emotions when I talk about what's been on my mind a lot?
* What do they mean I don't show them affection, when I just fixed all the broken things in the house and cleaned so they don't have to?
* What do they mean I don't show them affection, when I hug and caress them all the time so they can see how much I love them?
* I know I react almost automatically to this with anger, but should I be trying to see things from the other perspective?
* Why does this person do such weird things in private?
* Why does this person get angry so much lately? Is it me or them?
* Why is this person so caught up in work lately?
* How can I balance this person's faith with my faith? What will our families think?
* Why do political arguments always get so heated when we really care about each other?

 

[VeganAtheist]

If you are looking for a girlfriend or wife, PUA isn't the route you want to take.
PUA is useful if you want to be an ******* who just picks up women for sex.

Check out http://www.doctornerdlove.com/
He has some good advice

 

[choxie]

Wow, VeganAtheist, ^that site seems really great. Totally using this. African_weasel, I hope you find what you're looking for!

 

[VeganAtheist]

Wow, VeganAtheist, ^that site seems really great. Totally using this. African_weasel, I hope you find what you're looking for!

I am new to the site but it seems pretty solid so far. He also has a book that I purchased recently.

 

[ShybutHi]

I hear you brother, it sucks.

It is even worse for me than some I think because of the fact that practically all the people I know have been in multiple relationships or are in a relationship and have moved on with their life, moved house with their partner, marriage, kids, family, etc...

It makes you feel like you are not worthy, like you are an abomination, an outcast who is not wanted. What I would give for a female to want to be by my side, to pick me, a human being wanting to share their life with me because she likes me for who I am. I don't want to be alone my entire life, that is what I fear above all else.

Companionship is what I wish for. Life is an adventure but the adventure is not as good if you have to go it alone... And you only get one shot at it too...

Unfortunately the wish is all very unlikely.

 

[African_weasel]

I'm just going to their meetups, I'm not in their club or whatever since most of the singles meetups in my area don't cater to people me age

 

[bender22]

If you are looking for a girlfriend or wife, PUA isn't the route you want to take.
PUA is useful if you want to be an ******* who just picks up women for sex.

As someone who has closely followed the PUA community for a while, I tend to disagree with this. Yes, a lot of people do get into PUA with the short term goal of having sex with a lot of women. But there's a lot of valuable advice in the PUA community which is just as applicable to those looking for a girlfriend or wife. Much of what they advocate isn't much different to what they recommend on the site you linked to. Good find btw, I just had a quick look but it looks like a great resource, especially for beginners. Also most of the guys I know who have gotten into PUA aren't ********.

That being said, there are some pretty lousy PUA websites around. I'd stay clear of anything that suggests using scripted routines and stuff. And African weasel, make sure you don't fall into the trap of getting too caught up in the theoretical side of attracting women. I've seen so many guys read up as much theory as they can then when it comes to putting that theory into practice they get too overwhelmed by it all and it does them more harm than good.

 

[African_weasel]

Most of the time I don't know how to "break the ice" so to speak. That's what really gets me if that helps you guys help me.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Most of the time I don't know how to "break the ice" so to speak. That's what really gets me if that helps you guys help me.

I am not very good at it but from what I observe from others, it's mainly just saying Hi and asking questions. So you see a pretty lady at a book store. You say "Hi, How are you?" After she says Hi back, ask something like "I am looking for a cool book to read. Any suggestions?"

Of course most will probably just give you a half ass answer because they don't want to be bothered but you never know.

Also, I highly recommend online dating. At the very least, you can get some practice going on dates and being social. Since I am not at all a social butterfly, this is my main(only) choice.

 

[Batman55]

Also, I highly recommend online dating. At the very least, you can get some practice going on dates and being social. Since I am not at all a social butterfly, this is my main(only) choice.

Online dating is for guys with good looks and something interesting or impressive going on in their life they can write about in the profile (without lying.) I would only give a recommendation to try online dating for guys who fit both criteria fairly easily.

If you are uncertain if you fit those criteria, you can still try it and test the waters. (Some embellishment on your written profile may help, if you're a massive underachiever.) Now if you take the plunge, learn to become masochistic--as in, find some way to enjoy taking blow after blow to your self-esteem. Otherwise it could do more harm than good and I'm serious about this. A while back in this forum we had a guy who had been on dating sites for years without ever getting ONE reply; apparently he even had some professional writer help him perfect his profile, but the trend still continued! If I had that experience, I could see it damaging my self-image even more.

In my short experience on OKStupid, I did get some replies, but it became clear that it was all heading nowhere, and that it was likely some girls just answered to seem polite or improve their response rating.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Online dating is for guys with good looks and something interesting or impressive going on in their life they can write about in the profile (without lying.) I would only give a recommendation to try online dating for guys who fit both criteria fairly easily.

If you are uncertain if you fit those criteria, you can still try it and test the waters. (Some embellishment on your written profile may help, if you're a massive underachiever.) Now if you take the plunge, learn to become masochistic--as in, find some way to enjoy taking blow after blow to your self-esteem. Otherwise it could do more harm than good and I'm serious about this. A while back in this forum we had a guy in this forum who had been on dating sites for years without ever getting ONE reply; apparently he even had some professional writer help him perfect his profile, but the trend still continued! If I had that experience, I could see it damaging my self-image even more.

In my short experience on OKStupid, I did get some replies, but it became clear that it was all heading nowhere, and that it was likely some girls just answered to seem polite or improve their response rating.

My experience hasn't been that bad and I am not very attractive nor do I have an impressive life. My profile isn't amazing or professionally written. It isn't well written at all. And I tend to be attracted to women who generally wouldn't date someone like me. But I have had some success.

I would say that for guys, you do need to keep your expectations low as to how many people respond and would be interested. On "OKStupid", for instance, I have sent out about 20-25 messages in the last 2-3 weeks. I have gotten maybe 5 responses. Of that, I have 1 date this weekend. Not great odds, granted, but far better than doing nothing. And for social awkward people, it is a lot less painful than trying to stutter your way through asking a guy/gal out face to face.

I think it is less stressful and less damaging to your self-esteem because you are still behind your computer. You don't have to look them in their eyes as they find a way to let you know that they aren't interested. As long as you keep in mind that most of your messages won't get replies or even looked at, it can be a great tool.

I think OKCupid is cool because you get to know a lot about a person just by reading their profile. You can weed out people easier than in real life. I think Howaboutwe.com is a bit cooler because it simpler and a lot easier to get dates. A lot less pressure to be witty and have a perfect profile. In my very brief time there, I have had more success (or potential success) than I have had the entire time I have been on OKCupid.

Lastly - and I know I have typed too much already - you can hop over to http://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/ and get some tips on how to make your profile better. You can also submit your profile to be critiqued.

I do appreciate your comment, Batman55. It is always nice to hear a different perspective. Cheers!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Online dating is for guys with good looks and something interesting or impressive going on in their life they can write about in the profile (without lying.) I would only give a recommendation to try online dating for guys who fit both criteria fairly easily.

If you are uncertain if you fit those criteria, you can still try it and test the waters. (Some embellishment on your written profile may help, if you're a massive underachiever.) Now if you take the plunge, learn to become masochistic--as in, find some way to enjoy taking blow after blow to your self-esteem. Otherwise it could do more harm than good and I'm serious about this. A while back in this forum we had a guy in this forum who had been on dating sites for years without ever getting ONE reply; apparently he even had some professional writer help him perfect his profile, but the trend still continued! If I had that experience, I could see it damaging my self-image even more.

In my short experience on OKStupid, I did get some replies, but it became clear that it was all heading nowhere, and that it was likely some girls just answered to seem polite or improve their response rating.

I disagree with this. Online dating is a good experience, because it gives you just that...experience. Whether that is experience in handling rejection or talking to people, doesn't matter, it helps people get their balance on how to deal with it.
Also, it is NOT just for good looking or interesting people. There are plenty of....well, the opposite, I guess, on there. However, what is deemed interesting and good looking to one person, won't be to the next person.

Considering the massive number of dating sites, some with very specific criteria, I find it hard to believe anyone couldn't find success on at least one of them. They have them for farmers, Christians, fetishes, races and everything else you could probably think of.
And if all else fails, you could try the paid ones.

 

[Batman55]

I disagree with this. Online dating is a good experience, because it gives you just that...experience. Whether that is experience in handling rejection or talking to people, doesn't matter, it helps people get their balance on how to deal with it.
Also, it is NOT just for good looking or interesting people. There are plenty of....well, the opposite, I guess, on there. However, what is deemed interesting and good looking to one person, won't be to the next person.

It does give you experience... but it can be very painful for folks like myself who have very little if any real life experience. It's like for most of your life (or mine, in this case) you take little initiative to have a social life, you never approach women due to low confidence and fear of rejection... and therefore can say to yourself "well, maybe if I had actually tried, things would have been different, I might have had a few relationships." By not trying, you get to keep your self-esteem up, but in a shaky way. This was what I did and it worked. Also what helped.. I have had a few occasions here and there in real life where girls would act interested, give off some surefire flirty signals, and I'm also fairly certain I've got average or better looks.

Well then you get to the dating site and your response rate is about 1 for every 10, of those rare times you get more than 2 responses from the same girl, you then ask "would you like to email" and nothing or.. "I'd rather not." All at once now, your self-esteem starts to shatter, and you begin to think.. had you actually tried in real life, maybe the results would be the same, as in indifference or simply rejection. So.. this is what really hurt, and just this one short experience on that site, has put my self-image into flux again.. uncertain of my worth, and perhaps less likely to try in real life now, than before.

The moral of the story then, I suppose, is if you have no experience out in the field (real life).. perhaps you should not get on a dating site. Perhaps real life experience is the best way to start. If you decide to have a go anyway: it's as I've said, a masochistic temperament is necessary, otherwise it could be damaging. Had I gone into it somehow believing women ignoring me or not replying is a wonderful thing, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad... so, mind games for yourself are a must.

Considering the massive number of dating sites, some with very specific criteria, I find it hard to believe anyone couldn't find success on at least one of them. They have them for farmers, Christians, fetishes, races and everything else you could probably think of.
And if all else fails, you could try the paid ones.

This guy I mentioned said he had tried many sites over the years and not received even ONE reply, even with getting help for his profile. It boggled my mind. If the guy was telling the truth (and who would lie about this?) then the fact of the matter is, that's not going to be helpful for anyone's self-worth. So.. a cautionary statement for all.

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My experience hasn't been that bad and I am not very attractive nor do I have an impressive life. My profile isn't amazing or professionally written. It isn't well written at all. And I tend to be attracted to women who generally wouldn't date someone like me. But I have had some success.

Well, I might also say, my "basic crap" wasn't together.. as in, I didn't have some of the things women generally expect every man to have.. and thus could not in my right mind lie about it. So what I did instead was I omitted some of that information, or gave obscure answers. Which is better than stating the undesirable truth, but I guess perhaps women still caught on to it.

It does make me wonder though.. does it make much difference to a woman if you give an obscure answer for employment, or if you say you make only $20K (or even less) per year? The realist in me says it's possible both the "skillful omission" and the 20K guys would get the same response, and a depressing possibility comes into my mind just now.. I wonder if the 20K would get even less responses!

My looks are not the bottleneck... I believe it was what I had to say for myself: very little. That was probably the biggest problem in terms of my profile.

 

[baboo]

hi

 

[Surcruxum]

hi

I don't know why but it's funny. Discussion after discussion then suddenly "Hi".