Case
Well-known member
I realized that a major contributor to my loneliness is my fear. Here's an example: I have a few close friends who I contact occasionally because I am so comfortable with them. These are the people I socialize with the most. But the ones I know who are not as close but are still friendly with me, I never contact. I never pick up the phone to see how any of them are doing. Then, one day, I got a call from a guy I hadn't talked to in a few months. In our short conversation, he said, "I was just calling to see how you were doing."
Why is it that I don't do these things? I see people call friends out of the blue and say, "I was just thinking about you and thought it'd be great to talk to you."
That's when I fell upon fear being the problem. Fear of rejection, fear that they really don't like me, fear that they're too busy living their fabulous lives, etc. In fact, I will even do this to my close friends. I will think, "She's too busy for me," or "I shouldn't bother her," or other fear-based excuses. It's so easy and so convenient to wait for others to call, but what if they think I don't want to talk to them, thus creating a mutual lack of initiative that causes neither of us to communicate for long stretches of time?
This even extends to my online friends. There are times when I will just drop out of a PM exchange, mostly because I am busy with other things, but then it occurs to me that I haven't PM'd this person in a while, but I would feel guilty about not communicating, so I stop myself from reaching out to them.
It's like my own brain is saying to me, "STOP COMMUNICATING WITH PEOPLE."
Why do some people find it so easy to maintain a large number of friends, and why do I find it so difficult sometimes to initiate communication with the few friends I have left?
Why is it that I don't do these things? I see people call friends out of the blue and say, "I was just thinking about you and thought it'd be great to talk to you."
That's when I fell upon fear being the problem. Fear of rejection, fear that they really don't like me, fear that they're too busy living their fabulous lives, etc. In fact, I will even do this to my close friends. I will think, "She's too busy for me," or "I shouldn't bother her," or other fear-based excuses. It's so easy and so convenient to wait for others to call, but what if they think I don't want to talk to them, thus creating a mutual lack of initiative that causes neither of us to communicate for long stretches of time?
This even extends to my online friends. There are times when I will just drop out of a PM exchange, mostly because I am busy with other things, but then it occurs to me that I haven't PM'd this person in a while, but I would feel guilty about not communicating, so I stop myself from reaching out to them.
It's like my own brain is saying to me, "STOP COMMUNICATING WITH PEOPLE."
Why do some people find it so easy to maintain a large number of friends, and why do I find it so difficult sometimes to initiate communication with the few friends I have left?