intro

[akakoom]

hi everyone

about me

47male

computer tech.

never married. live alone. emphasis on !alone!. I have had 2 girlfriends in my life. i am very shy. i just broke up with my last girlfriend in november 2014. i just found out she has a new boyfriend. my heart is shattered. i have been hoping we could get together. im so lonely. i sit at home every day after work and just stare at the tv. i cant connect with people at work. i have few friends. i feel so alone. my family doesn't want to hear it any more. i am alienating my support system. i am adrift. alone.

i dont want to live anymore

 

[Oldyoung]

Maybe a change of environment would do you good. Do you have any options for that?

 

[akakoom]

Maybe a change of environment would do you good. Do you have any options for that?

no. im stuck. plus i have a hard time meeting people. if i go on vacation i wouldnt talk to anyone any way. i own my own house... my job is good, pays well but is boring. my family lives in alberta. i live in ontario. 3000 miles away. i am trapped in an empty life

i miss my girl... her new boyfriend is perfect for her. i feel suicide looming

i think i have social anxiety, i am so shy. and i feel ashamed for being shy at my age, 47

i dont see things getting any better

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the forum

It's been almost a year, it sounds like it's time to move on with your life. Breakups hurt, yes, but if you continue to dwell on it, things will never get better. Get out there and find some new people. Don't let your fears and demons and depression stop you.

 

[Oldyoung]

if i go on vacation i wouldnt talk to anyone any way.

Even if you don't talk to people, a vacation can be very nice. The important thing is getting new impulses. That's especially important when you feel stuck in life.

i own my own house... my job is good, pays well but is boring. my family lives in alberta. i live in ontario. 3000 miles away.

i am trapped in an empty life

You're comfortable but not happy, then. You need some of both, and that means you gotta look at ways to change your life in some way or the other. In some cases it might be necessary to start all over, sell house, quit job, etc. But if there's another way, that's probably better.

As for the girl, that sucks. But the only way it's gonna get better is if you get busy, and let time pass.

 

[h3donist]

Sorry that you feel so lonely that you don't want to live anymore - please don't let it get to that stage. You've made a big step by joining this site so congratulations on reaching out

Have a look at meetup.com - see if there's a group in your local area that you are interested in and go along. If there isn't - then make one and let people come to you.

 

[wolvesjr]

welcome to the forum akakoom. There are a lot of people here who can relate ad have some good ideas to try. I hope you take the time to try some of them out.

 

[akakoom]

meetup is how i met her. i cant help think that theres still a part of her heart there for me

 

[Gar]

hi everyone

about me

47male

computer tech.

never married. live alone. emphasis on !alone!. I have had 2 girlfriends in my life. i am very shy. i just broke up with my last girlfriend in november 2014. i just found out she has a new boyfriend. my heart is shattered. i have been hoping we could get together. im so lonely. i sit at home every day after work and just stare at the tv. i cant connect with people at work. i have few friends. i feel so alone. my family doesn't want to hear it any more. i am alienating my support system. i am adrift. alone.

i dont want to live anymore

Welcome to the forums. If you ever need to talk hit me up.
Try to give it more time. I know how you feel, I live alone as well.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey akakoom, welcome to the forum. Sorry you're feeling so badly. I hope you'll find some peace here on the forum, perhaps interact with like-minded people, and hope you'll feel better soon. Good luck.

 

[loketron]

hey buddy. im going threw a very similar situation. Ive been with this girl for 5 years and I broke it off in a rash move due to not being happy in my overnight job and working opposite shifts from her and drifting apart and many other elements in our relationship. I regret it but months later I understand that it happened and unless I pick myself up I will start speaking like that too. I still to this day get the shakes trying to deal with the horror with what I have done and imagining her alone when I left. she has no family and I do not know what will happen to her but she has made her choice when I asked for a second chance when I realized my mistake, understanding I did not want to break up it was only my mental state that caused me to run.

Sorry I went on a rant Im here to help you but this is all still really fresh. the second chance happened only days ago.

What I did to prepare myself to be ready for a second chance and what I will do again is go for walks. Exercise can get your blood flowing and raise your mood more than you would think and help with your happiness. even when I just circled the block a few times I figured things out in my head and calmed myself.

I love my lists. In my relationship I was the finance man. I had the bills written out in a notebook and every month I checked them off. now in my new life as I work to fill my life up after emptying my dark soul out I've made a list of all the things I want to do and i'm checking it off as I go. a physical and mental list i guess. and everyday something gets crossed out. If im laying around to much well its time to get up and make the bed and clean this room. check. I want to eat healthier. check. I always wanted a different hair style. nows the time! check. I want to get ripped so my ex will be sooooo jealous. the gym sends free memberships in the mail all the time. why would I not at least try?

and so on and so on untill I've found so much happiness my soul is full up again. its going to be great and you can to akakoom.

its going to be ok.

 

[akakoom]

i just emailed her today prying into her current dating life. i know she has a new guy and they go to his country property to stargaze and hunt. all the things i wanted to do with her. so i asked her if they had moved in together? taking it to the next level? she didn't answer. i must have freaked her out. there's no way a guy she dated for 3 months a year ago should be this hung up on her a year later. but i am. cant get over her. it's tough. i dont have a lot of luck with women. when i lose one, the price is really high in my mind

 

[9006]

Welcome tot he site.

 

[akakoom]

i've joined a gym. i go in the mornings

i've always loved archery. i just signed up for lessons

im taking cbt but it is so rarely. only 2x a month

we are having a long weekend here in canada and i have nothing to do. her days are full with fun and mine... i just sit around

 

[Arachne]

Bright Blessings akakoom, welcome to ALL. We all have chapters in our lives, perhaps yours has now closed, so you can start a new chapter. I understand how depressed we can get when we delve into the past. Memories can be good, but they can be bitter sweet to. Here you are among friends.. ^.^ I am also a fellow Canadian...may your Thanksgiving be filled with Blessings of the good kind..

 

[lonelyfairy]

Welcome to the site. :>

 

[akakoom]

Bright Blessings akakoom, welcome to ALL. We all have chapters in our lives, perhaps yours has now closed, so you can start a new chapter. I understand how depressed we can get when we delve into the past. Memories can be good, but they can be bitter sweet to. Here you are among friends.. ^.^ I am also a fellow Canadian...may your Thanksgiving be filled with Blessings of the good kind..

thanks Arachne

 

[akakoom]

think i am going to kill myself soon

i am always alone. at work, at home. i have trouble connecting. i cant take it anymore. i miss my girl. shes the only one i want. even if a supermodel was sitting on my lap I wouldnt care. shes gone. she will never come back.

i dont want anyone else. i cant take being alone any longer. this xmas will be tough. 2 weeks vacation time... and no where to go. i will be all alone in my home staring at the walls for 2 weeks over christmas. i want to die

 

[wolvesjr]

i'm sorry for what you're going through, but you can make it. It sounds like you made a few changes with the gym and archery class. Maybe you can try making a few more?