Introduction.

[Kolsulfr]

Well, I've been avoidant of work all my life, even as a small child doing school I'd go to extremes to cheat and avoid doing it. I'm 17 now, 5 months til 18, I've done ******* nothing useful, ever. I used to at least be extremely social, up until around 11, then I started playing PC games during literally all my free time. We moved when I was about 12, and by then I had already destroyed my social interaction quite a bit, I am very eccentric, but up until that time I'd known how to convey it positively, well, not anymore. 90% of all social interaction I got was extremely negative, and I developed suicidal depression as well as crippling social anxiety, which has either stayed the same or gotten worse the last few years.

I've virtually no friends, the ones I do have are thousands of miles away and anymore I rarely get to talk to them.

I'm literally, factually, completely useless. I'm a highschool dropout because when I couldn't cheat and avoid it anymore, It would stress me out to the point I literally could not read, I'd look over a page 100 times and not have the slightest clue what was on it. I've been telling myself for years I was going to get my honeysuckle together, I've had several "realizations" where something bad hit me and I went through a phase where I was getting on track, but every time without fail only lasted a couple days and I lost the motivation.

I developed depersonalization recently, though right now it's nearly gone, but the combination of that and suicidal depression has been ******* terrible, everything looks/feels bizarre and alien to me to the point of causing full blown, reality crushing in on me, can hardly breathe, heart beating out of my chest panic attacks, AND I see no point to living and am sick and tired of it.

I'm not planning on killing myself any time soon, I still "want" to live, just not like this, but mindset can change, and as long as it's possible to get myself into a mindset in which I do see a point to things, and do want to live, I might as well rough it out. I'll have plenty of time in the ground when I'm dead. No sense rushing it.

Sick of being a hermit, but even though I do want to get out and do things, I haven't the slightest clue where I'd go for social interaction, or what I'd do.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Have you ever received a diagnosis or ever seen a therapist/counselor for possible ADD or ADHD?

How do you play PC games? Are you dedicated to excellence there? I find that some of the skills involved in mastering a game such as Starcraft are in many ways, effective life skills as well.

 

[Kolsulfr]

No, for personal and financial reasons, a therapist/counselor is not currently an option.

And it used to be that way, but over time I just grew bored of games, for the last two years I've spent my days doing nothing but browsing the internet trying to find things to do online/games to play that I won't tire of after 30 minutes/things to do in real life, (which is rare.) And in all honesty, even when I did I was terrible at it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

No, for personal and financial reasons, a therapist/counselor is not currently an option.

And it used to be that way, but over time I just grew bored of games, for the last two years I've spent my days doing nothing but browsing the internet trying to find things to do online/games to play that I won't tire of after 30 minutes/things to do in real life, (which is rare.) And in all honesty, even when I did I was terrible at it.

It does sound like you are a likely candidate for an attention disorder.

I believe there may be options for subsidized therapy, but I will have to do more research on that myself; you may also wish to look into it.

There are a few things that you can do for your esteem right away; mind you, I am drawing most of these from my personal experience which may vary from yours. I suffer from minor ADD, and was once very situationally depressed with severe anxiety and sociophobia - including panic attacks.

1) Exercise. This allows you to build serotonin levels and allows you to immediately pull out of the 'funk' of intense depression. There are also subsidary benefits of health as well as a discipline, if you exercise as part of a martial art such as karate.

2) Omega-3 and antioxidants. I was fortunate enough that my ADD is directly responsive to omega-3 supplements when taken with an anti-oxidant such as juice. This isn't the case of many ADD patients, I understand, however.

Scientifically, ADD patients often have deeply lowered levels of omega-3 fatty acids which are used for neurofunctioning, and although science isn't certain why this is the case, supplementation does seem to help. You will also want to reduce fat intake from other sources, so that your body will 'select' the omega-3 fats for use instead of other fats.

3) Study strategies and memorization methods. There are a huge number of them and I make a regular study of them. I'll be happy to share any of my discoveries with you, but mind you that they are very adhoc.

 

[Poguesy]

G'day