Introversion

[Dove]

I feel like ranting.

It wasn't long ago that I came to a realization about myself. When it happened, I felt like I'd found myself. It first came about when I tried the Myers-Briggs test online and the result was that I was an INFP. At that time, I thought being introverted was a bad thing, so I was a little offended at first, but I couldn't help reading about my INFP personality and introversion in itself and feeling like it fitted me perfectly.

Since then I have read books on introversion and sensitiveness (Not sensitive as in not being able to take jokes etc but sensitive-intuitive) and they comforted me with this one simple resounding fact: There is nothing wrong with me.

Nevertheless, even with my new-found self-understanding, the extroverted people I knew still regarded me as quiet and unfriendly, and even when I tried explaining my introversion and how I am perfectly happy sitting quietly, listening to others without having much to say, they just couldn't grasp it. It's like they automatically assumed that if you were soft-spoken, liked relaxing, liked silence, you were (In their eyes) shy and antisocial. And, you can probably imagine how that made me feel: Being alone/not talking seemed even more of a pleasing idea when people thought of me like that... And so the viscious cycle continues.

I don't want to have to make extra effort with extroverts, because it makes me feel uncomfortable - Like I'm a fake. I just want to be accepted for who I am by them, but we are both so confused by each other, it's like we're different species.

*sigh* I think I'll finish there, I feel a little better getting it out.
I'd like to know how other people fare with extroverts... do you have as much trouble as I do when trying to get them to understand you?

 

[SophiaGrace]

I like extroverts. It means I don't have to talk and I just sit there and listen.

I"m horrible at making conversation. :/

 

[argosgold]

I find conversation either really easy or really difficult depending on who the people are, how many, how comfortable I am with the situation. I wouldn't particularly say I was introverted, but I'm not an extrovert either.

 

[PsychoBilli]

I'm pretty sure most of my friends are extroverts. It never once occurred to me that extroverts might think me odd that I don't talk much. Although I once had a friend whose sister thought it was odd that I was so quiet.

On a side note, I'm an INTP. When I did research on my type I discovered that we're prone to do or say things that get response we're not expecting. Like we're not "in tune" with the people around us. The example it gave was a guy was with his wife, and the wife made a comment about liking puppies. The guy then commented, "Their faces always seem scrunched up to me," and the wife curled her lip. She didn't get why her husband didn't like puppies. That wasn't what the guy was saying, he was just making an observation, but INTP's often react in ways that can be misinterpreted.

The article went on to say that INTP's can develop a 'vocabulary' of emotional responses by watching other people. When I read that it was a big "ah ha" moment for me. One thing I'll do is really bizarre things for a reaction. Like one time I stole my friend's Zippo lighter that he was really fond of. I was in a position where I could watch him go nuts as he combed his room and tried to remember where he put it. After a few days I gave it back, and he was pissed at me. He asked why I did it and I honestly didn't know. Now I know that I did it to study his reaction so that I would know how to properly react in situations like that. I still do things to get reactions, but it's a little more calculated now in that I can seek out reactions to things that I know I'm not getting right.

 

[freedom]

hi.

i recently discovered that i was an introvert, too. i had no idea why i was so different than everyone else. i did a bunch of research online to see if maybe i had some kind of personality disorder, and i found a website that talked about different kinds of personalities. it was there that i discovered that there are introverted and extroverted personalitites, and after taking a quick test, i also found that i was an introvert. i also read everything that i could about my newfound introversion, and it helped me to cope with my feelings towards myself and to live my life the way that i'm wired to live it.

i go through all the same things that you mentioned every day at work. i have six VERY extroverted and VERY loud coworkers in my department, and i'm the only introvert. they don't understand me and why i'm different, even though i've tried to explain it to them. they just assume i'm wierd, i guess.

there's really not much that you can do. just be yourself and don't stress over trying to be "accepted" by "them". we introverts are great people, and if they're too fast-paced to slow down and admire you for you, then that's their loss. i try and get along as best that i can with my extroverted coworkers, but sometimes they just make it too hard for me. it's not enough that i have depression, but i'm also introverted and have a hard enough time opening up with others.

i read a good book about introversion titled "the introvert advantage" by marti laney. you should check it out. i wish you luck on your ventures.

 

[freedom]

Nothing in this world is truly right or wrong, good or bad, black or white. It's all the same shade of grey. What colors our world is our perception of it. If we so desire, we can change our perception; we need only look at it in a different light.

touché, my friend. touché.

 

[AncientBard]

I'm an INFJ, man you think you have it bad we're freaks! (I mean that in the nicest way). Less then 1% of the worlds population are INFJ's. I can get in a group of one or two, even three if they're trusted friends and look like a complete extrovert from the outside. I can navigate lot's of conversation and give feedback with no discomfort. Add one more person or 100 to that number and you won't hear a word from an INFJ. We're only good in small groups. Plus we have to have alone time to recharge after social encounters, it completely wears us out physically and emotionally. People think we're pushing them away (usually extroverts) during these times of recharge and often get hurt because we need a little space. It's very difficult in relationships as well. I feel like I'm taking a life time INFJ survival class just to cope with others especially at work most days.

 

[JamaisVu]

As an INTJ I know just what you mean. Interacting with extroverts can be draining, we're so different. It's hard to know what to do when I'm on a totally different wavelength than someone -- like you, faking extroversion doesn't work and likewise I can't expect them to suddenly prefer quiet activities. It's even more difficult because in my experience the people most likely to try and befriend me are the strong extroverts who are friendly to everyone (even shy, asocial INTJs).

 

[PsychoBilli]

touché, my friend. touché.

That's a PsychoBilli original, too. A friend of mine was irritated over something that didn't strike me as worth being upset over. The next thing I knew that phrase was spewing out of my mouth. I've said a lot of crap in my time, but every now and then I find something worthwhile. It's important the treasure those gems.

As an INTJ I know just what you mean.

In the article I read about INTP's, they made a comment that INTJ's are much the same in that they can react in ways that can be misinterpreted. The article commented that difference is that INTJ's can grow suspicious and a little untrusting of their own emotions. Is this something you've noticed?

 

[AncientBard]

In the article I read about INTP's, they made a comment that INTJ's are much the same in that they can react in ways that can be misinterpreted. The article commented that difference is that INTJ's can grow suspicious and a little untrusting of their own emotions. Is this something you've noticed?

Yes and No, in that order

I feel like the most misunderstood person on the planet because truly I am. People who know me very well have told me they had a very different perception of myself when we met.

On the other hand that J part of being an INFJ is a very powerful Bull honeysuckle detector, my score on J is 75%. It has gotten me into a lot of trouble in my life because I was raised in the church and taught not to judge. You bring those things in to your adult life and give everyone a chance even if something about them seems either bad or sometimes down right evil.

One would think it's the P's for perception that would have the wisdom in that area but it's not. After several years of adult litmus testing you know what I've found, I can tell you if a person is a rotten apple after the first hour I spend with them and I'm literally batting 100%. If you look at the Psychics the FBI hires to help them solve cases, the proportionate personality types are INFJ. Colonel Skip Atwater said when he ran the remote viewing project for the CIA the would look for viewers who were specifically 100% J on the Meyers Briggs test.

So in answer to your second questions, I trust my emotions (some would call it a third eye) "when it comes to other people" implicitly. Every time I don't and give a person the benefit of the doubt like we all should as decent people right? When I do I get stung, every time!

 

[JamaisVu]

In the article I read about INTP's, they made a comment that INTJ's are much the same in that they can react in ways that can be misinterpreted. The article commented that difference is that INTJ's can grow suspicious and a little untrusting of their own emotions. Is this something you've noticed?

Hmm, I think I know my own emotions pretty well but other INTJs might have that problem. I do think we come across as unfriendly sometimes even though that isn't our intention.

 

[RayRx]

I think I'm introvert but I like to going out. I don't mind to do things on my own. I'm more happy that way, don't need to please people but sometime have friends can be fun. I like to sit in a group of people and listening. My friends said don't let me speak because if I do I get a crowd. Just only one sentence and it's always work. I like to sit in a big group of friends more because I don't need to speak much but I have a problem when come up with a new group of people that don't know me before. They don't get me why I'm so quiet.

Good to get it out too. I'm not alone!
Ray

 

[Haz]

i'm not sure which type I fall under, should attempt this test at some point

I just like my quiet time alone, personal activities energise me. Still we all need companionship and I get the blues like anyone about being a loner, I can be charming and personable around people and love the attention of others sometimes. Still I prefer doing my own thing, I guess it would be nice if I had a friend or lover who was on a similar wavelength as me to share it with.

 

[Jessica1]

I'm an INFP also, and my husband of almost 2 years is a huge extrovert from the bustling intro hell city of Rome! Don't get me wrong Rome is beautiful!!! But try being an intro and living there for 6 mo You'll go into intro shock, lol! Anyways, we are complete opposites, but iv'e learned there are just some things I will never get from my husband like a "soft" voice or interest in "deep" subjects....but what I do get, is never ending surprise, fun, adventure, and daring! He is the first extro guy iv'e ever been with, my usual type was super quiet shy Dr's of theology, or like my ex was an Episcopal priest. Sometimes I miss the depth of conversations, but I get this also from books, but I can see God's wisdom...for example the priest and I used to discuss "what's going to happen after we die..." type topics before we fall asleep. We were sooo alike I got bored after a while. With my wild italian stallion, I never know what kind of craziness I'll be dealing with each day, but you know, when he goes away for a day or two, then I really realize I never wanna go back to my intro world of total solitude again

 

[kwilczynski]

As an INTJ I know just what you mean. Interacting with extroverts can be draining, we're so different. It's hard to know what to do when I'm on a totally different wavelength than someone -- like you, faking extroversion doesn't work and likewise I can't expect them to suddenly prefer quiet activities. It's even more difficult because in my experience the people most likely to try and befriend me are the strong extroverts who are friendly to everyone (even shy, asocial INTJs).

A fellow INTJ ... That is truly amazing

Really nice to meet you here 8-D

KW

 

[JamaisVu]

A fellow INTJ ... That is truly amazing

Really nice to meet you here 8-D

KW

Nice to meet another INTJ! There's a bunch of us lurking around on the internet here and there

 

[INTJ]

"Nice to meet another INTJ! There's a bunch of us lurking around on the internet here and there"

Hahahaha! I think the internet's the ONLY place we lurk. Well, that and laboratories or libraries.