Is having other people fit into your world selfish?

[sunshinemisa]

I have discovered that wanting to "fit in" or "belong" sometimes doesn't work out for some people (ie: like myself currently) but I'm okay with that. I know that sometimes, that everyone else has to fit into your world. But would you consider that selfish? Thoughts anyone?

 

[Tiina63]

In an ideal or very good friendship/relationship, both people make compromises. Both adapt to each other, so that neither feels that they are constantly having to fit into the other person's world/habits ect while their own world/ways are ignored.
However, what usually happens in real life, away from theory, is that often the 'stronger' personality, the more confident person, imposes his or her agenda on the other, sometimes even without realising it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If you see it from the law of attractoon.

People well vibrate into your life or out of your life.

Not on the same wave lenght or chemistry
is anither way of sayimg it.

on the negative note....
its the same as saying.
Misery loves company.
Negative people hang out with negative
people.

If you were positive.....youll only
be able to tolerate the stink for so
lomg until you leave.



So when you had a hard time fitting in...
Inyuitively you felt like oil and water.
Its just you felt rejected so you tried
to bended to ruffle other peoples feather...
which dose work or last long.

So when peopke fit into my life.....
Uts kind of like wearing a glove that fits.

---

ruffling others feather means...to take
actions to make others happy.

or the fkip side some people try to force
others to make themselve happy.
Its call controlling and manipulating

 

[Jack Tripper]

Not selfish.....normal really, everybody feels like that.

 

[Okiedokes]

I don't think it's selfish. There needs to be some kind of thing in common that two people have when becoming friends. That's what makes people click it seems. And it can be anything.... something as simple as both being lonely.

 

[sunshinemisa]

Thank you everyone for your different thoughts on this.

The reason I asked this question is because for the longest time, I always did what I was told to do, by my parents, my friends, society in general and everything seemed fine. Then, I realized one day, that I wasn't happy with this because it didn't feel like me. More like I was wearing a mask and playing the part of the "dutiful daughter", "the responsible one", etc always worried about what other people thought of me and if I said or did anything stupid or embarassing.

For some time now, I feel like I'm more like "me" without the mask, without playing a part, truly me. I don't worry as much about what other people think and I don't care if I said or did anything stupid because I don't care. I'm more positive minded, and compassionate but, I feel like people want me to be miserable along with them. Does that make any sense?

That is why I asked that question. I feel selfish because I want people to be more positive minded and compassionate with people and life. People say and do the most hurtful things and it makes it hard for me to re-connect or make new friends. I know people say, that without taking a risk you'll never know. I'm just afraid of sliding back to putting the mask on and playing the part and being miserable again.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Your not selfish....is the feelings of giilt thats making you
think you are heatkess or not caring.

once you let go of those phantom guilt feelings...
youll get more and more assure of yourself.

Stay positive. youre on the right path.

 

[sunshinemisa]

Thank you Lonesome crow, for the reassurances, I wish that I could give you a hug. You were right about feelings of guilt and thinking that I was heartless and not caring.

I will stay positive and stay on this path because it's the first time that I've felt so much freedom.

I just wish that people would accept this "new me" and not want the "old me".