Is loneliness a choice?

[Peter.EU]

Is loneliness a choice?

Certainly, but not yours!

 

[sk66rc]

I guess for some, loneliness could be a choice... I certainly prefer being alone much more than being around a lot of people... I don't have too many friends to speak of but again, that's by choice... I've had plenty of opportunities but I've decided to let them pass because of my own personality... I just don't like being around people all that much... There are, of course, times when I feel as though I could use some company... But that's not to say I don't like loneliness...

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I guess for some, loneliness could be a choice... I certainly prefer being alone much more than being around a lot of people... I don't have too many friends to speak of but again, that's by choice... I've had plenty of opportunities but I've decided to let them pass because of my own personality... I just don't like being around people all that much... There are, of course, times when I feel as though I could use some company... But that's not to say I don't like loneliness...

There is a difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is when you are alone and you enjoy it. Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. If you like loneliness then you are not lonely, you are solitary. Nobody likes loneliness but some people really do enjoy solitude. Real loneliness is painful. I hate it. I suffer from it and have a fear that it will be my problem for the rest of my life. Studies have shown that chronic loneliness is a health risk. It scares the honeysuckle out of me, especially when I think of how it can affect me when I get older. I want to get rid of loneliness and come to a place where I never have to be lonely again, or at least not chronically lonely as it's normal to experience occasional loneliness. And I really do like people, I just often feel I lack the skills to connect with people and don't know how to meet people or make more connections with people. I feel limited on some level. But I'm trying. It's a work in progress.

 

[Nuke1967]

I have been alone as far as not having a significant other, I have tried, when I was 14 I had this vision or epithany if you will that I would be alone, so I learned to do as much as I could for myself, and that has pretty much been the case, in my case I just haven't had the qualities to attract a mate, but now that I am a lot older I pretty much have given in to my fate . Not to say that I could meet someone at 50 and boom my life turns around, but I seriously doubt it.

There are times I enjoy being alone, then there are times I wish I had someone to talk to, go do things with etc. So is being lonely a choice, it very much can be, but I think as humans we do at sometimes crave some other human contact, even if was just for a little bit.

 

[sk66rc]

There is a difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is when you are alone and you enjoy it. Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. If you like loneliness then you are not lonely, you are solitary. Nobody likes loneliness but some people really do enjoy solitude. Real loneliness is painful. I hate it. I suffer from it and have a fear that it will be my problem for the rest of my life. Studies have shown that chronic loneliness is a health risk. It scares the honeysuckle out of me, especially when I think of how it can affect me when I get older. I want to get rid of loneliness and come to a place where I never have to be lonely again, or at least not chronically lonely as it's normal to experience occasional loneliness. And I really do like people, I just often feel I lack the skills to connect with people and don't know how to meet people or make more connections with people. I feel limited on some level. But I'm trying. It's a work in progress.
[/quote]

Of course... I do understand the fundamental difference between solitude & loneliness... Loneliness is more of the state of mind that results from, but not limited to, unintentional solitude... And state of solitude can also have a negative affects... Solitude can be used as a punishment, as in "solitary confinement in prison" among other examples, & studies have shown prisoner's violent tendencies have gotten worse in majority of the cases... I believe it's when we figure out how we handle the "solitude" that results in feeling lonely or not...

 

[Rosebolt]

There is a difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is when you are alone and you enjoy it. Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. If you like loneliness then you are not lonely, you are solitary. Nobody likes loneliness but some people really do enjoy solitude. Real loneliness is painful.

Not entirely true. Solitude is an objective term. Loneliness is a subjective term. Whenever someone is walking alone, he is in solitude. Wether he also feels lonely is an entirely different matter, and irrelevant when guaging if someone is in solitude. In other words, loneliness is a mental state, while solitude is a physical state. Two entirely different things that cannot be compared.

To the OP, i believe everything is a choice. That does not mean that all choices are visible, or easy. It's very hard to make the choice to feel good, but it's possible. And also, after making the choice, getting it done is even harder.

 

[Oldyoung]

I think loneliness is never the first choice. But it becomes the lesser of evils for people who struggle with some mental/physical health issue.

Should I go out in public and make a fool of myself, and feel bad about it?

Should I call up someone I know, annoy them, get rejected and end up feeling bad about it?

Or stay home and watch TV?

..I'll watch TV.

 

[Solivagant]

Should I go out in public and make a fool of myself, and feel bad about it?

Should I call up someone I know, annoy them, get rejected and end up feeling bad about it?

Assuming those were guarantees, they would also result in feelings of loneliness.


Being alone can be a choice depending on the circumstances, but I don't think loneliness is a choice, at least not by my personal definition. Loneliness, to me, by nature carries the connotation of being an unpleasant and unwanted feeling/state of being. Lonely means that I don't want to be alone, but I feel like I am anyway. Sometimes I want to be alone, but I never want to be lonely.

 

[Incognita]

I think you can choose not to BE lonely but feel lonely isn't a choice.

 

[Lishniy Chelovek]

No but it's better if you can convince yourself that it is.

 

[Rosebolt]

Being alone can be a choice depending on the circumstances, but I don't think loneliness is a choice, at least not by my personal definition. Loneliness, to me, by nature carries the connotation of being an unpleasant and unwanted feeling/state of being. Lonely means that I don't want to be alone, but I feel like I am anyway. Sometimes I want to be alone, but I never want to be lonely.

The way i see it, loneliness, despite it being a negative feeling by default, is still a choice because one can "choose" to be stuck in it, instead of engaging it situations which might alleviate the feeling (and cause different levels of anxiety before completion.) It's not a choice in the traditional sense, in that it's not as clear and easily made, but it still is one, lurking in the back.

I'm really curious to know how you look at that idea, if i may be so bold to ask.

 

[Outcast]

While many people choose to be 'alone' loneliness is entirely different. I often find myself alone but that doesn't mean I'm lonely. Some people may choose to be lonely in a way. They might do it subconsciously and not even realize it, they could be doing it to themselves by the life they are living or the choices they are making and only they can solve their own problems. It takes time for them to realize that.

 

[Zackarydoo]

Loneliness can be a choice if you choose not to mix with people, but in those cases you wouldn't really feel lonely as that's a negative feeling that most people would avoid if they could. So I think in those cases a better description would be that someone in a loner, as that's the life they prefer and are happiest that way.

To be lonely, like I am, means that you don't have much contact with others for reasons out of your immediate control, and that you wish things were different.

 

[Lishniy Chelovek]

Like Outcast I do see a large difference between loneliness and being alone. Loneliness is a feeling - being alone and feeling a longing for the company of others. No-one would choose to feel lonely. People choosing to be alone is a different kettle of fish (and what's a fish doing in your **** kettle you ******* weirdo? No I don't wan't a cup of cofffee). Wanting to be alone doesn't answer the question. Being alone isn't good for any number of reasons, and when I try to convince myself that I want to be alone it seems like the fox telling himself that the grapes taste honeysuckle (foxes don't eat grapes Aesop, you muppet). It's easier though, hating what you can't have and convincing yourself that it's your choice.