Is there hope for ME...? (WARNING: Long read)

[Badjedidude]

fairly - if i would be you, i would just shot my head offff.

I believe I understand what you meant here, JaNKa, but I don't think it's very nice to say it in the manner that you did. To be honest I found this comment to be quite rude. Like I said, however, I understand what you were trying to convey.

Just... try to find a better way to say it next time, OK?

 

[JaNKa]

fairly - if i would be you, i would just shot my head offff.

I believe I understand what you meant here, JaNKa, but I don't think it's very nice to say it in the manner that you did. To be honest I found this comment to be quite rude. Like I said, however, I understand what you were trying to convey.

Just... try to find a better way to say it next time, OK?

Yeah. I`m just in ''nicer'' situation, but still wanted to kill my self and maybe will do it. I just guess he is accustomed and flagged up with hes terrible life, so he probably will live his life this way all his life. He`s accustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomedaccustomed with being hurted.

 

[Seven Days]

I understand what he's saying and believe it or don't I appreciate the sympathy. He's right though, I'm pretty much used to it.

I've been texting someone recently who I enjoy talking to, and seems to reciprocate. They've helped me feel alot less lonely than normal, so it's been easier the past couple days. I'm hopeful for college too, so for now I actually feel o.k.

Thank GOD I go to college tomorrow, finally an opportunity to start something new.

 

[Moaninglonewolf]

Recently I began lurking through this site and I actually didn't think of registering as I'm not really good at English and thus I didn't believe I could make much of a contribution to the site nor express myself properly.

BUT after reading your post I felt the need to write an answer because I couldn't believe how similar we are. Even the title was most meaningful to me and touched my soul because it's nearly the same as a line from one of my favourite songs these days.(The song is "Hope for Us" by the group "Shadow Gallery" and one of the lines in the chorus is "I wonder is there hope for us?". The song describes my(actually our) present state perfectly which is why I think you should give it a listen.)

-I am 18, male
-I wouldn't call myself either good or bad looking, I'm an average Joe.
-I go off to college one week from today.
-I have never kissed a girl
-I have never hugged a girl
-I have never dated a girl
-I have never asked a girl out
-I have never been in any situation whereby any of the above could possibly occur.

All of these statements apply to me as well except that I won't be going to college until next year as this will be my last year in highschool.

Actually as a child I had a good number of friends with whom I spent most of my time although I was a shy kid. I guess these were the happiest times of my life: it's sad that it was all over before I knew it. The above situation of yours occured to me when I started highschool. I was the quiet loner of the class and was the easiest target for bullies. During classes they made fun of me with humiliating jokes and continued their harassing behaviour during breaks. As time passed I became more and more introverted and withdrawn and I avoided social contact whenever I could. As a result I lost contact with all of my friends and couldn't make any friends in highschool and was soon left out. But I was somehow content with my situation as I had found myself some good hobbies like playing computer games, playing the guitar and heavy metal music which consumed most of my free time. So most of the time I didn't feel a huge lack of companionship in my life even though I spent most of my free time at home alone and wasn't into any social activities.

Then due to my sister's insists I started reading self-improvement books about topics like overcoming shyness etc. and to my surprise they proved useful. I got some temporary boost to my low self-esteem and made some friends in my school(actually just two friends but it was still a huge gift for me as I didn't have any friends at that time.) These guys have been my only close friends to this day because I couldn't make anymore friends at the school as we always hung around with each other and became the unpopular and freaky trio of the school in the eyes of other people.

 

[Moaninglonewolf]

Recently I began lurking through this site and I actually didn't think of registering as I'm not really good at English thus I didn't believe I could make much of a contribution to the site nor express myself properly.

BUT after reading your post I felt the need to write an answer because I couldn't believe how similar we are. Even the title was most meaningful to me and touched my soul because it's nearly the same as a line from one of my favourite songs these days.(The song is "Hope for Us" by the group "Shadow Gallery" and one of the lines in the chorus is "I wonder is there hope for us?". The song describes my(actually our) present state perfectly which is why I think you should give it a listen.)

-I am 18, male
-I wouldn't call myself either good or bad looking, I'm an average Joe.
-I go off to college one week from today.
-I have never kissed a girl
-I have never hugged a girl
-I have never dated a girl
-I have never asked a girl out
-I have never been in any situation whereby any of the above could possibly occur.

All of these statements apply to me as well except that I won't be going to college until next year as this will be my last year in highschool.

Actually as a child I had a good number of friends with whom I spent most of my time although I was a shy kid. I guess these were the happiest times of my life: it's sad that it was all over before I knew it. The above situation of yours occured to me when I started highschool. I was the quiet loner of the class and was the easiest target for bullies. During classes they made fun of me with humiliating jokes and continued their harassing behaviour during breaks. As time passed I became more and more introverted and withdrawn and I avoided social contact whenever I could. As a result I lost contact with all of my friends and couldn't make any friends in highschool and was soon left out. But I was somehow content with my situation as I had found myself some good hobbies like playing computer games, playing the guitar and heavy metal music which consumed most of my free time. So most of the time I didn't feel a huge lack of companionship in my life even though I spent most of my free time at home alone and wasn't into any social activities.

After a while the feeling of loneliness started to grow and I started reading self-improvement books about topics like overcoming shyness etc. and to my surprise they proved useful. I got some temporary boost to my low self-esteem and made some friends in my school(actually just two friends but it was still a huge gift for me as I didn't have any friends at that time.) These guys have been my only close friends to this day because I couldn't make anymore friends at the school as we always hung around with each other and became the unpopular and freaky trio of the school in the eyes of other people.

Now just when I was nearly content with my life, I became interested in girls and romantic relationships suddenly. Wherever I went I saw couples of my age and felt jealous and I was filled with wrath and hatred. I knew there was no hope of a romance for me as the only possible candidates of a girfriend for me were the girls in my school who saw me as a freak, loser etc. But that was not the only problem.

I didn't want to date any random good-looking girl(as if there was any girl who would be interested in me) but rather I wanted to fall in love deeply, to love someone intensely and honestly and find some who would return these feelings. But some really strange situation occured as a result of this search for true love. It's been nearly 2 years and I haven't fallen in love with one reallife girl but rather I keep falling in love with fictional characters. Seriously, I'm not even interested in real girls anymore because I can't even get myself to like one let alone fall in love with one.

Some of the latest subjects to my sick platonic love have been Neytiri from the movie Avatar, Alyx Vance from Half-life 2 and Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I was in love with each of them during separate periods of time(I guess I prefer monogamy) and the Neytiri period is still going on.

One thing that surprised

 

[Moaninglonewolf]

Recently I began lurking through this site and I actually didn't think of registering as I'm not really good at English thus I didn't believe I could make much of a contribution to the site nor express myself properly.

I don't expect that you will waste your time reading my pathetic long post but still I have to express myself anyway cos I'm all filled up with emotions which I have to vommit somehow.

BUT after reading your post I felt the need to write an answer because I couldn't believe how similar we are. Even the title was most meaningful to me and touched my soul because it's nearly the same as a line from one of my favourite songs these days.(The song is "Hope for Us" by the group "Shadow Gallery" and one of the lines in the chorus is "I wonder is there hope for us?". The song describes my(actually our) present state perfectly which is why I think you should give it a listen.)

-I am 18, male
-I wouldn't call myself either good or bad looking, I'm an average Joe.
-I go off to college one week from today.
-I have never kissed a girl
-I have never hugged a girl
-I have never dated a girl
-I have never asked a girl out
-I have never been in any situation whereby any of the above could possibly occur.

All of these statements apply to me as well except that I won't be going to college until next year as this will be my last year in highschool.

Actually as a child I had a good number of friends with whom I spent most of my time although I was a shy kid. I guess these were the happiest times of my life: it's sad that it was all over before I knew it. The above situation of yours occured to me when I started highschool. I was the quiet loner of the class and was the easiest target for bullies. During classes they made fun of me with humiliating jokes and continued their harassing behaviour during breaks. As time passed I became more and more introverted and withdrawn and I avoided social contact whenever I could. As a result I lost contact with all of my friends and couldn't make any friends in highschool and was soon left out. But I was somehow content with my situation as I had found myself some good hobbies like playing computer games, playing the guitar and heavy metal music which consumed most of my free time. So most of the time I didn't feel a huge lack of companionship in my life even though I spent most of my free time at home alone and wasn't into any social activities. Neverthless, my parents were really disturbed because of this negative progression in my personality. They knew I felt lonely and unhappy but when they should have given me support and consolation they instead took up this bullyish behaviour of telling me how pathetic I was and how other normal kids spent most of their time outdoors whereas I avoided going out as much as possible.

After a while the feeling of loneliness started to grow(thanks to my family) and I started reading self-improvement books about topics like overcoming shyness etc. and to my surprise they proved useful. I got some temporary boost to my low self-esteem and made some friends in my school(actually just two friends but it was still a huge gift for me as I didn't have any friends at that time.) These guys have been my only close friends to this day because I couldn't make anymore friends at the school as we always hung around with each other and became the unpopular and freaky trio of the school in the eyes of other people.

Now just when I was nearly content with my life(Even though I still felt lonely), I became interested in girls and romantic relationships suddenly. Wherever I went I saw couples of my age and felt jealous and I was filled with wrath and hatred. I knew there was no hope of a romance for me as the only possible candidates of a girfriend for me were the girls in my school who saw me as a freak, loser etc. I wasn't good at talking to girls anyways. But that was not the only problem.

I didn't want to date any random good-looking girl(as if there was any girl who would be interested in me) but rather I wanted to fall in love deeply, to love someone intensely and honestly and find some who would return these feelings. But some really strange situation occured as a result of this search for true love. It's been nearly 2 years and I haven't fallen in love with one reallife girl but rather I keep falling in love with fictional characters. Seriously, I'm not even interested in real girls anymore because I can't even get myself to like one let alone fall in love with one.

Some of the latest subjects to my sick platonic love have been Neytiri from the movie Avatar, Alyx Vance from Half-life 2 and Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I was in love with each of them during separate periods of time(I guess I prefer monogamy) and the Neytiri period is still going on. I still think about her most of the time and listen to love songs all the while dreaming her with me, crying occasionaly because I can never be with her.

One thing that surprised me in your post was that even though you've been through such a long sad time, you haven't considered the option of suicide once(and that is really happy for you). I for one have seriously considered commiting suicide many times but each time I did I decided not to end my life for various reasons. Of course one of the reasons was that I feared death but the biggest reason was because I couldn't find a suitable method to do it. But now I have found some good method and I'm waiting for the right time to end it all.

Anyway sorry for crappy English, sorry for the lenght(in fact I didn't really expect it to be so long maybe I should start a new thread myself) and for telling my story(actually I could write much more stuff than these) but I wanted to point out the similarities and more importantly I wanted to show you that there are people far more pathetic and hopeless than you are, in hope of bringing you some consolation. I don't know if there is hope for you but at least I'm sure that you are not as hopeless a case as I am. I hope you can find some happiness in the future...

 

[futurecatlady]

Seven Days, trust me--college is a time to start over. Nobody knows who you are, nobody has any stupid preconceived idea of how they should act toward you, and social stratification is MUCH less than in high school. No matter who you are, there are other people like you and if you look, you will be able to find them in college. College was the best time of my life because I no longer felt chained to my "image"--I could just be me and worry about that. I found people who were like me and who I could get along with, and groups that would take me in.

I cannot promise you that you will find love in college, but I am fully confident that you can find yourself and your place in the world if you open yourself up. You can find a sense of self-worth that will seem foreign and wonderful to you, and while the pain of being alone may be there until you find someone, it will be accompanied by strength and willfulness.

Good luck! I am excited for you!

 

[Badjedidude]

it looks like a half of all members iin this site are quite strange and confusin 0_o

Yeah, it's us.

There's no way that it could possibly be you.

*rolls eyes*

 

[drifter]

...
I said,"Wow!congrats man!" like a good friend and then started to break down right there in class. I just couldn't stop thinking,"If HE'S good enough, WHAT THE HELL AM I!?" "I am literally the dog crap on societies' boot.."
*drip*
A tear hits my desk, and a cry I fail to stifle escapes into the room. The silent room... Where the lesson is in progress. And I don't notice it happened. I keep crying for almost 30 seconds, I'm hiding my face behind my hands and tear after tear hits my desk. Then I hear,"*my name*, do you need to go to the restroom?" and I look up.. and EVERYONE is staring right at me. Without a word I get out of my desk and start running, I run all the way to the parking lot, and get in my car, and just sit in it, bawling my eyes out,
And then I get cold.
I start shaking.
My chest pulsates with sharp pain every time my heart beats. And it hurts, dear GOD it hurts so bad.

And I looked it up, it turns out that when the human mind is exposed to more trauma than it can express, literally, when it OVERLOADS with pain, it projects the pain physically.. so it doesn't cause BRAIN DAMAGE.

I've felt those words man.. u couldnt understand how much i felt it..

I wish i could express more about it, but i dont seem to find the words anymore.. I guess im just too tired ..

Sometimes i look around to all this good looking guys who, even tho they're pathetic and ignorant, seem to have it all.. girls, sucess, friendships.. and I just wonder how much time will I survive this.

I guess I'm the pathetic one.

 

[QuietGuy]

Welcome to the site, Moaninglonewolf! OK, specific replies below:

Recently I began lurking through this site and I actually didn't think of registering as I'm not really good at English thus I didn't believe I could make much of a contribution to the site nor express myself properly.

I don't expect that you will waste your time reading my pathetic long post but still I have to express myself anyway cos I'm all filled up with emotions which I have to vommit somehow.

Good for you, for registering, and for posting. You've come to the right place. It's not a case of "making much of a contribution" - it's a case of simply needing help, and we're here to help you. And you express yourself perfectly clearly, so no need to worry about that either.

I got some temporary boost to my low self-esteem and made some friends in my school(actually just two friends but it was still a huge gift for me as I didn't have any friends at that time.) These guys have been my only close friends to this day because I couldn't make anymore friends at the school as we always hung around with each other and became the unpopular and freaky trio of the school in the eyes of other people.

It may reassure you to know that I was in exactly the same situation at school. I only had about 2 or 3 friends, and together we were regarded as the uncool loners by everyone else. There was the main common room, where most people went at lunchtime, and then there was a little room at the back, where we went, on our own. We didn't feel able to hang out with everyone else, because we were too shy, and they wouldn't have included us in their socialising if we'd joined them. So I know how you feel.

Now just when I was nearly content with my life(Even though I still felt lonely), I became interested in girls and romantic relationships suddenly. Wherever I went I saw couples of my age and felt jealous and I was filled with wrath and hatred. I knew there was no hope of a romance for me as the only possible candidates of a girfriend for me were the girls in my school who saw me as a freak, loser etc. I wasn't good at talking to girls anyways.

Lack of friends is bad enough, but lack of interest from girls is the real soul-stabbing killer. I completely understand your "wrath and hatred", because I felt exactly the same. It seems to be particularly intense at school. I found that once I got a bit older, the horrific emotional pain started to fade, and was more bearable.

I didn't want to date any random good-looking girl(as if there was any girl who would be interested in me) but rather I wanted to fall in love deeply, to love someone intensely and honestly and find some who would return these feelings.

Good for you. When guys start becoming interested in girls, a lot of them just want to be seen to be dating the hottest chick in the school, to boost their egos. But you're looking for something much deeper than that.

But some really strange situation occured as a result of this search for true love. It's been nearly 2 years and I haven't fallen in love with one reallife girl but rather I keep falling in love with fictional characters. Seriously, I'm not even interested in real girls anymore because I can't even get myself to like one let alone fall in love with one.

Some of the latest subjects to my sick platonic love have been Neytiri from the movie Avatar, Alyx Vance from Half-life 2 and Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I was in love with each of them during separate periods of time(I guess I prefer monogamy) and the Neytiri period is still going on. I still think about her most of the time and listen to love songs all the while dreaming her with me, crying occasionaly because I can never be with her.

Ahh... Neytiri...

I tell you, she has had a curious effect on many guys! There's something strangely attractive about a female fantasy human like her. And Avatar has created a strange new phenomenon, which you may have heard of: "Avatar blues"

Audiences experience 'Avatar' blues
Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible

The fantasy world of Pandora (before the humans ruin it) is so wonderful that many people became depressed and even suicidal when returning to the real world at the end of the movie.

Not sure what to say about your love for Neytiri. It's completely understandable - your heart desperately wants to feel love for someone, and she is meeting your heart's need for the moment. Hopefully this is just a stage that you're passing through, and will eventually grow out of.

you are not as hopeless a case as I am.

Your case is far from hopeless. There is always hope, even though it may not feel like it.

We're all in lonely situations, and we're all here to help each other. So please post whenever you feel the need to.

 

[Dominator88]

Well it looks like your in a similar situation that Im in, frequently thinking about girls and wanting real love, I got so desperate I ended up losing it with a girl when I was 20 because I didn't wanna be a virgin any longer. Im 21 still not one girlfriend yet or even a kiss, so your situation isn't that bad, Im not much older but you still got 3 years before your 21, plenty of time to find a girl who accepts you for who you are.

The bed thing, clutching a cold wet pillow, wow pretty pathetic but I can't say Im much better, I always hug and kiss a pillow at night pretending its one of the girls I met on the internet, humping it kissing the pillow lying in the middle of the pillow pretending Im lying in her melons.

Im also starting university on sept 7, are your going to uni to? Or Community College? Im worried about my first say also, saw some beautiful girls at orientation and met a guy and talked to him but no friendship sprouted from that, probably never see him again and I avoided going near him at the bus stop waiting for my ride, lol.

Just be humble and friendly don't look all stiff or awkward looking, maybe get your self some stylish new clothes (I suggest no Hollister or Aber Crombie), if your going to university I don't know if there is much opportunity to make friends, you head into a big seminar room then lecture, and lecture over. You would have to sit in the same place all the time and get to know those around you first talking about uni related stuff.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Shut the fresia up.

lulz