Is What I Want So Bad?

[Pike Creek]

I was up all night with worry...I'm trying to figure out what I want in a boyfriend. Three sentences:

1. I want to be loved, taken care of and treated like I'm precious.
(not financially taken care of, emotionally and lovingly of course)

2. I want my opinions and concerns to be listened to with sincerity and care and to be taken seriously with respect.

3. I want to be appreciated and valued.

And of course, I want my significant other to want all that too. We don't need lots of money, social standing, material things etc...those things don't matter at all to me. But a strong, loving and respectful connection means the world. I'm willing to give all that and more.

Is it asking too much? I mean, of course, people disagree and fight etc...nothing is perfect. But if these three things are in place, even the rough patches can be smoothed over without permanent damage. Why is that so difficult to achieve? It seems like having a secure loving relationship would be what most people want, but there is so much resistance to it, and I don't understand why.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Stop worry about it, all those things come as part of the package when you find the right person.

 

[lonelydoc]

I would say that's very reasonable except for the "precious" part.

Unfortunately none of us are precious and nobody is going to make us feel that way. That's just a fact of living in the overcrowded modern world.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

Unfortunately none of us are precious and nobody is going to make us feel that way. That's just a fact of living in the overcrowded modern world.

The fact that one were chosen out of seven plus billion people out there, I respectfully disagree

 

[TheRealCallie]

You aren't asking too much at all. Everyone looks for those things, but they aren't something you can see when you see someone or even when you first meet someone. It takes time to find someone that, not only do you mesh well with, but you feel that you would want to date them.

As for what lonelydoc said....EVERY single life on this Earth is precious. No one is required to make you feel that way, but people who care about you will generally at least try. However, you should first make yourself feel precious to you. That's really what matters.

 

[hiki]

i took about a full year to find a man again after my last bf. it wasnt easy as i have some physical issues, too many men alright but they often just wanna screw or not interested at all in you.

sometimes i think its just plain luck. only chance at it is try to increase your luck by just trying. different approaches even. sometimes playing it good and right doesnt always work and you have to risk ... underhanded decisions.

i met mine at the beach, while picking up trash over there - effort to clean the beach out of helping out environmentally. he was doing hte same. i wanted to find a guy who was into those things and i met one at such an event. been happy since.

i guess imagine something specific about the guy, not too general and broad and try to start there. dont limit yourself but its best to have a starting point on your search right?

we have to be accepting of the specifics also that we do want. coz ignoring them sometimes, we end up with men that fits the general criteria but... misses the others. which we originally thought didnt matter but, sometimes its those other things that mess up with relationships.

it helps also to look back into your own failures. that helped me a lot. as ive made a lot, treated a few badly - now i dont pull off such stupid stunts on my guy. experience, just raw experience i guess.
--

i seem to have misunderstood. and you actually already have one. just that its not working out? lol oops

 

[Pike Creek]

You guys sure empowered me today...I had the "heart to heart"...wow, it was brutal...took about 4 hours. At first it was the usual back and forth bs...then him doing the usual "maybe this isn't working, maybe we should break up"...(immature a-hole says that EVERY fight)...then finally something clicked in me. I actually said out loud what I'd written originally in this post...the 3 things....which erupted more accusations and argument. But I did say that I was pushed beyond my limit. Some silence, then he asked quietly "what does that mean" and I said very sadly that I'd been thinking of leaving because it was too difficult.

Back and forth then some ignoring...he came to me a while ago and said he felt bad about everything and he'd make more of an effort. Now, whether I believe this or not is all on me. But I did give a sort of ultimatum. I told him if he threatened to break up then he had better mean it and leave. He agreed not to use it as a threat again.

I have to say, though most people might be happy that things seem resolved...I'm not. You see, he does this every time we fight and then reverts back to the same old bs. I told him that if it happened again we'd have to talk about separating. I have some depression issues and have worked terribly hard over the last 30 years to manage them without meds...and my issues are popping up again left and right. Not to say he's the reason, but our relationship is and I have to treat myself as precious right? I hope I got through to him. I'm glad I didn't sweep it under the rug as the norm of a relationship, my worries were definitely valid.

Thanks ALL.

 

[Case]

I hope your situation improves, Pike. If he says he will work harder, then call this a final probationary period. If he falls back into bad behavior again, just be mentally prepared for the separation as much as you can. I've been through a divorce, so I know something about this topic.

 

[Pike Creek]

I hope your situation improves, Pike. If he says he will work harder, then call this a final probationary period. If he falls back into bad behavior again, just be mentally prepared for the separation as much as you can. I've been through a divorce, so I know something about this topic.

Thanks Case...I was actually prepared for it today. Divorce is terrible, I hope to never have to go through such a heart wrenching situation. But you know, every time promises are made and broken...yeah it hurts, but it also strengthens my resolve. I'm a very (or was) independent woman...I know I'm still in there somewhere. The woman who won't take the crap for too much longer. I just hope he doesn't mess up and force me to end things.