I hate birthdays and pretty much all holidays. My husband doesn’t do a good job of celebrating or giving gifts, not even a card. We’ve been married 5 years so after many disappointments I expect zero presents now and don’t want to exchange presents or cards at all.
I am turning 40 this year which is kind of a milestone birthday so I said I want to go to a certain restaurant and get a cake too. He agreed to do that and yesterday when we were getting ready to go, I was mad about something else and said he’s only going now because it involves food.
There is a lot of meaning behind what I said because he never takes me anywhere or plans any dates, and he does not genuinely want to do anything with me unless we’re going out to eat. There are so many times I plan something or pay for tickets, even while on vacation, and he will get mad and refuse to go somewhere, wasting the money and leaving me to go alone or not at all. I will never forget the brunch I booked on vacation in Hawaii and had to eat at the table alone with a beautiful view because he was mad and refused to go inside. All the wasted movie tickets over the years as well.
So we’re getting ready to go, then after what I said he tells me he’s not going and I can go do what I want. I think he was offended and thought I’m calling him fat by saying that. But that wasn’t the meaning. It was him never planning or doing anything with me except eating. I’m pretty disappointed he is doing this for my birthday, but not surprised and don’t want to go to the restaurant alone, so I just go upstairs and spend the day in a room. Depressed of course.
Then later during dinner time he says as if nothing happened, do I want to go to dinner and get the cake?
Umm…no? I feel 100% he only suggested it because he is HUNGRY now. As I told him, I wanted to go to the restaurant early when they open to avoid the rush. So I did not say much just no, and he goes to get himself take-out food. My real birthday is on the weekend but we chose this day to celebrate because he is off work and I wanted to go eat on a weekday.
I feel like I need to expect totally zero on my birthday to avoid disappointment now, not even a birthday meal. It depresses me but I don’t have other friends to celebrate with. I just get so sad now when the birthdays roll around.
Just venting about it. Don’t become me in this kind of marriage.
I am turning 40 this year which is kind of a milestone birthday so I said I want to go to a certain restaurant and get a cake too. He agreed to do that and yesterday when we were getting ready to go, I was mad about something else and said he’s only going now because it involves food.
There is a lot of meaning behind what I said because he never takes me anywhere or plans any dates, and he does not genuinely want to do anything with me unless we’re going out to eat. There are so many times I plan something or pay for tickets, even while on vacation, and he will get mad and refuse to go somewhere, wasting the money and leaving me to go alone or not at all. I will never forget the brunch I booked on vacation in Hawaii and had to eat at the table alone with a beautiful view because he was mad and refused to go inside. All the wasted movie tickets over the years as well.
So we’re getting ready to go, then after what I said he tells me he’s not going and I can go do what I want. I think he was offended and thought I’m calling him fat by saying that. But that wasn’t the meaning. It was him never planning or doing anything with me except eating. I’m pretty disappointed he is doing this for my birthday, but not surprised and don’t want to go to the restaurant alone, so I just go upstairs and spend the day in a room. Depressed of course.
Then later during dinner time he says as if nothing happened, do I want to go to dinner and get the cake?
Umm…no? I feel 100% he only suggested it because he is HUNGRY now. As I told him, I wanted to go to the restaurant early when they open to avoid the rush. So I did not say much just no, and he goes to get himself take-out food. My real birthday is on the weekend but we chose this day to celebrate because he is off work and I wanted to go eat on a weekday.
I feel like I need to expect totally zero on my birthday to avoid disappointment now, not even a birthday meal. It depresses me but I don’t have other friends to celebrate with. I just get so sad now when the birthdays roll around.
Just venting about it. Don’t become me in this kind of marriage.
