Living life with no friends, perpetual state of stuck, what's the solution?

[HappyYogi]

Firebird~

You are giving much, much, MUCH too soon in life!

My goodness, you are only 21 years old. A kid! Yet you are *already* envisioning yourself as this sexless, friendless old person!

STOP!!!

Okay, you have some inbalance in your life. Dont' we all??? Does not mean it cannot be fixed. This I know for sure.

Do you know how many men like you are out there? Introverted, intelligent, but sociall awkward men? LOTS! Do you know many of them find WIVES and CAREERS? It's TRUE! How do I know this? I've met them AND I've studied the enneagram. Study that for insight...type "5". It may help.

I am in my 40's. When I was your age I felt the same way! I felt almost MUTE. Yes, that is how I have described my YOUNG self...MUTE. I was so so so so quiet. I had social anxiety because I didn't know what to say, etc. I had little if any friends thru high school. College was lonely.

But let me tell you, I have changed! And it wasn't a bad change, it was a change I ENJOYED. As a young person, because I was in so much pain I was really self centered. Others noticed and that didn't help me. In time, thru experience and some maturity, I am not a person who is truly interested in others. Truly. This one aspect of a person, showing interest in another and listening to them and their ideas and stories helps immensely with forming positive relationships.

But in the beginning, I wasnt' really interested in them! I think it was because I was so wrapped up in myself and thinking I could never relate to anyone else but that wasn't true. The truth is, I really enjoy chit chat. I learn a lot from people. They also provide me with interesting ideas and stories. I am certain, in time, you could get to this point and learn to enjoy people on a light, easy level and go from there. I am certain of it.

But this takes time. It took me time. It also took a bit of an attitude adjustment. I had to be more positive about "getting out there", more positive about myself and more interested in others.

I am not berating you. You are not there right now. That is OK but I truly believe you can get there in time. There is more than hope..you are really OK. You are just a certain personality type, nothing wrong with that, that often blooms later in life and that is very OK.

The key is to accept those differences, appreciate your uniqueness and adopt the attitude of faith...that everything is working out for your highest good.

 

[firebird85]

I've already accepted me for who I am. I'm not going to accept being lonely and lost like this though. But it doesn't solve the problem of:

no friends for almost a decade, little to none before, no girlfriends ever, no dates, no female friends, no contacts, and because of this, life is empty, and I have NO opportunities.

I'm past accepting myself, the issue is much more.

 

[21acceptedbeingalone]

honeysuckle firebird. Every one of your posts in this thread is like I typed it myself man. Im sorta at the point of being rock-bottom myself right now. I haven't had any friends in 4 years. In any given day I probably speak one or 2 sentences out loud to people. Im 22 now and once I got to college I just stopped trying and for a long while convinced myself that I was content with being a loner. I just immersed myself in distraction like video games and wasting all my time on the internet and honeysuckle. I created my nickname on this site "21acceptedbeingalone" when I was in that state of mind. But lately now that I am near done with college, still friendless, still just as socially awkward, still just as socially clueless, and still just as shy ive been just feeling ******* lost. I have no idea how to change my situation.

Like you man I feel like I want to make friends and stuff, but at the same time im an introvert and extremely talkative people drain me. I also feel like I am clueless on changing this situation because ive been a loner for so long. Like how the hell are you supposed to tell someone you've had no friends for 4 years? In my mind I cannot imagine anybody but another loner person not being scared away by that. I want to just open up to people about the reality of my past, but am afraid of people just immediately judging me negatively and dismissing me because of it. Like I feel like im totally disconnected from people my age too. When I see people out talking with their friends and honeysuckle it feels like an alien world to me.

You said this in one of your posts:

"It shouldn't take much effort to be friends with someone/s, and get to know people and get-togethers, but for some souls, it's a puzzle that will almost never be cracked. "

That is exactly how I feel about myself too. I feel like making friends is a puzzle I cant crack. It's like life is a game of Tetris and everyone else gets the long line pieces occasionally but people like me are just missing a crucial piece to attempt the puzzle.

 

[TrailerTrish]

The link you posted (http://intellectualexpat.blogspot.com/20...entic.html) was most excellent, and speaks quite loudly to my own experience. Thank you for this!

I have found over a very long time that what passes for popular culture really does not interest me at all, and it has been my candid observation over many years that those most socially popular tend to be the most shallow and superficial. Those who live in the outer circles of society are far more interesting for me. They are willing to share their inner lives, rather than banter on about American Idol, Survivor, or their X-Box 360.

Having never been one to go along with the herd I've had to learn to keep my ideas and views to myself in social situations for the most part, and just wait for someone to show they are real so that I might engage them privately apart from the herd, when possible.

 

[firebird85]

[video=youtube]

The women part is TRUE.

 

[jjam]

[video=youtube]

The women part is TRUE.

had to pause
4:58-5:10
no. just. no.

I have empathy for you, he, and so many others regarding this subject, but that's going too far.

 

[hye345]

I have empathy for you, he, and so many others regarding this subject, but that's going too far.

I agree. He accuses mainstream society of making sweeping generalizations about people lacking social skills, but he then goes on to make generalizations about the mainstream.

On the flip side, I understand where he is coming from, because I've been there, (albeit to a lesser extent probably). Being in a classroom (or any location for that matter) where everyone has a 'group' that they sit by, catch up, maybe make a joke here and there... while you sit by yourself, in the middle, surrounded by pleasant conversation, just not to you. Its hard not to paint an inaccurate picture in your mind, portraying everyone else as mindless sheep, annoying chatterboxes, etc... anything that protects our ego and makes us feel better. Unfortunately, over the long term, this also makes us very jaded and bitter.

Again, I've done it at some points in my life, so have most of you. Its not right, but its human nature, and it happens.