Hello everyone,
I am a 37 year old male. Married, 2 kids. Looking from the outside, most people would be happy to live my life. I am in the final year of my PhD. I have an excellent job, high income, just bought myself 53.000€ car.. I am well respected in the community as I am also internationally known as a professional at my job. I have achieved so much, and yet I have never been so miserable, sad and depressed. I feel no joy in ANY OF THIS! It has just become a statistic.
Despite my wife and two wonderful children, I feel so alone.. It's like it all came at too high a price. Most of my childhood friends weren’t nearly as ambitious, and as I stood apart, I began to lose those friends. Most of them felt envious, and I understand that. But still, I never tried to make them feel less worthy. And so, today I can't say I have friends. I have colleagues I work with. People I can have coffee with and talk about Corona etc. But, those are not the people I can myself confide to.
Most of the time I could handle it all. But, in the midst of everything, my mother killed herself this Christmas. I think I'll never forget the sight of her and the rope, as I am the one who found her. And the more I think about it all, the more I’m sure it’s one of the triggers that made me start to feel this way. There's no more joy in anything ... I'm just doing things to get them off my list. I'm not sure what to do anymore. How to find happiness again? What direction should I follow? Is time simply gonna fix everything? The loneliness is killing me.. But, I can't nor do I want force people to be my friends. And I certainly don't need friends like the ones I had before.
I am a 37 year old male. Married, 2 kids. Looking from the outside, most people would be happy to live my life. I am in the final year of my PhD. I have an excellent job, high income, just bought myself 53.000€ car.. I am well respected in the community as I am also internationally known as a professional at my job. I have achieved so much, and yet I have never been so miserable, sad and depressed. I feel no joy in ANY OF THIS! It has just become a statistic.
Despite my wife and two wonderful children, I feel so alone.. It's like it all came at too high a price. Most of my childhood friends weren’t nearly as ambitious, and as I stood apart, I began to lose those friends. Most of them felt envious, and I understand that. But still, I never tried to make them feel less worthy. And so, today I can't say I have friends. I have colleagues I work with. People I can have coffee with and talk about Corona etc. But, those are not the people I can myself confide to.
Most of the time I could handle it all. But, in the midst of everything, my mother killed herself this Christmas. I think I'll never forget the sight of her and the rope, as I am the one who found her. And the more I think about it all, the more I’m sure it’s one of the triggers that made me start to feel this way. There's no more joy in anything ... I'm just doing things to get them off my list. I'm not sure what to do anymore. How to find happiness again? What direction should I follow? Is time simply gonna fix everything? The loneliness is killing me.. But, I can't nor do I want force people to be my friends. And I certainly don't need friends like the ones I had before.