Lonely among the lonely...

[Bei]

I feel even lonelier when I come on here most of the time. I don’t know how to make any friends on here because I’m scared to put myself out there. I did manage to make a connection with someone and he’s so nice but I think I got too clingy so now I feel like a weirdo and I want to cry. I have way too many insecurities and I’m sure I just need to relax. It’s so hard though.

I think I’ve always done this in my years of interacting with people online. As soon as I find that one special person I lose some interest in making more friends because I feel like it’s too hard. No, that might not be it. I think it’s just the being so shy thing. It prevents me from getting to know people. Like when I used to play mmo’s I always had my tiny group of close friends while other people had many. Even online I was told that I was always so quiet.

I sometimes feel like I have a harder time communicating with people online then I do in person or at least with using my voice versus typing. I came back to the forum because I thought this would help with my loneliness but it hasn’t. Most of the time, I just feel out of place on here. I know this is my doing and not the sites. I’m just too shy I guess.

Not sure If I’m just venting or asking for help. Maybe both but if you read this, thank you.

 

[Mike413]

I'm probably lonelier than the loneliest people on here. Most of them anyway.

 

[Oldyoung]

I see what you mean. I feel the same way about this forum. It's nice, but if you want to make 'friends', I think you'll either have to send PMs, or visit the chat-room.

To me, PMs are uncomfortable, since I feel it's invasive to the person I'm sending to. Like I'd bother them..

The chat though, I enjoy. It's not as populated as it used to though, so even if it doesn't 'click' with you right away, give it a few tries. It was easier back when I started I suppose..

In short, I feel your pain and wish you good luck.

 

[Cucuboth]

I feel the same about this site sometimes. It sort of feels like I'm on the outside (yet again) of a closed group of friends and people that know each other. Even amongst other people that say that they are lonely, I still don't fit in. To PM someone feels like intruding, unless they ask me to. Even on online XBox games, I rarely, if ever, say anything (although sometimes, being quiet there has it's benefits).

 

[Sci-Fi]

I get what you all are saying about sending PM's and intruding and I've been a member of this forum for two and half years. Still feel that way. I've been playing an online game for a couple years and I rarely if ever talk to anyone because I don't want to bug people. Use to have a group I met and chatted to all the time but they rarely play the game anymore and I haven't searched for others to join with. I just play by myself, sometimes I'll get random invites to join someone but mostly just alone. I don't what it is about this fear of bothering other people, because if you don't you'll never meet people and make new friends.

 

[Locke]

I feel the same way, I don't think that I'm liked here or that I fit in. I've said it before, and a few people straight out told me that it isn't true, but I can't shake the feeling. I feel very lonely on this forum.

But someone recently gave me a lot of good advice about this, and one of the things he said is that some members are hesitant to reach out to new people because they've become close to other members in the past, only to have their friend leave the forum. It must hurt to get to know someone, and that person just disappears one day.

So maybe that's part of it. Others, like me, may not know how to make friends or how to carry on a conversation properly. There are people who I'd like to PM, but I'm just afraid to and I don't know how to start a conversation.

Anyway, I'm kind of weird, and I'm not good at this.....talking......stuff.....but I'll be anyone's friend.

 

[Bei]

I'm probably lonelier than the loneliest people on here. Most of them anyway.

Sorry to hear about how lonely you feel. I hope it gets better.

I see what you mean. I feel the same way about this forum. It's nice, but if you want to make 'friends', I think you'll either have to send PMs, or visit the chat-room.

To me, PMs are uncomfortable, since I feel it's invasive to the person I'm sending to. Like I'd bother them..

The chat though, I enjoy. It's not as populated as it used to though, so even if it doesn't 'click' with you right away, give it a few tries. It was easier back when I started I suppose..

In short, I feel your pain and wish you good luck.

Yeah, being the first to pm someone or going into chat makes me really nervous so I just kind of avoid it.

I almost went into chat this one night that I was feeling really hyper after a workout. It was totally the wrong time to try though no one was on to let me in. I haven’t tried again.

I feel the same about this site sometimes. It sort of feels like I'm on the outside (yet again) of a closed group of friends and people that know each other. Even amongst other people that say that they are lonely, I still don't fit in. To PM someone feels like intruding, unless they ask me to. Even on online XBox games, I rarely, if ever, say anything (although sometimes, being quiet there has it's benefits).

Yes, I guess it can feel this way when joining any kind of group even other lonely people.

This will sound weird but I was watching a one of my favorite shows and they had this really lonely character for a couple of episodes. He was so lonely he went to AA meetings and had never even been an alcoholic. I thought to myself, “I want one”. It’s not so easy though.

I get what you all are saying about sending PM's and intruding and I've been a member of this forum for two and half years. Still feel that way. I've been playing an online game for a couple years and I rarely if ever talk to anyone because I don't want to bug people. Use to have a group I met and chatted to all the time but they rarely play the game anymore and I haven't searched for others to join with. I just play by myself, sometimes I'll get random invites to join someone but mostly just alone. I don't what it is about this fear of bothering other people, because if you don't you'll never meet people and make new friends.

Maybe I should start bothering people. Someone's bound to like me right?

I feel the same way, I don't think that I'm liked here or that I fit in. I've said it before, and a few people straight out told me that it isn't true, but I can't shake the feeling. I feel very lonely on this forum.

But someone recently gave me a lot of good advice about this, and one of the things he said is that some members are hesitant to reach out to new people because they've become close to other members in the past, only to have their friend leave the forum. It must hurt to get to know someone, and that person just disappears one day.

So maybe that's part of it. Others, like me, may not know how to make friends or how to carry on a conversation properly. There are people who I'd like to PM, but I'm just afraid to and I don't know how to start a conversation.

Anyway, I'm kind of weird, and I'm not good at this.....talking......stuff.....but I'll be anyone's friend.

I have the same thoughts all the time.

I actually had someone tell me about how they didn’t like welcoming the new people because it made them feel insecure, like, they would come in and take over and people would forget them. I thought it was really sweet of them to share that with me. I’m kind of weird and find someone being that honest with me really adorable.

This did make me think about how some people might not like me on here already. Paranoid thoughts are my minds favorite kind to have.

There are lots of people I would want to pm too. I sometimes want to pm people to tell them how much there replies to threads make me laugh but I don’t because I’m afraid I’ll be a bother. Most people are not even this mean. I’m sure it would make someone feel nice but all my over thinking always stops me.

 

[Davido0219]

Hi niave, sorry to hear about your predicament Yeah, this shyness thing can be really debilitating. Going through and reading all the posts, I want to reply to so many of them because i can relate. But then comes this worry and fear that my attempted words of encouragement might not even make a difference, so I reply to very few. I'm hoping to believe that every word of encouragement out there from our members CAN make a difference. So I'm sending some words of encouragement to you. I hope you can just hang in there and know that we're all here to help each other through the lonely times, and I wish that things get much better for you soon.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey niave, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time with this. It's not easy doing what you want to do when you worry about how others will take it or what others would think. I used to be like this the first time I joined the forum. Something kinda snapped in me and I just didn't care anymore and went on a posting spree lol.

Same goes with the PMs. Whenever I feel like just PMing anyone, I do it.. but I don't expect replies or anything like that just in case that person doesn't reply and that would just leave me feeling disappointed. I guess I just do it without expecting or worrying about what happens next.

 

[painter's radio]

Yeah the fear of bothering others is a real drag isn't it.

Online Vs real life. I feel both have their + and - points, for me. Online is certainly less intense so in a way it's easier to relax and say what's really on your mind, but also it's easy to ignore someone, or to put the conversation on hold if you don't feel like it. You can't really just not respond to someone in real life who's just asked you a question! Online conversations (at least those outside of chatrooms) go at your own pace, in your own comfort zone. But hey many of us are shy insecure paranoid weirdos... is it really a good thing that we can pick and choose our conversations so freely? So easy to not even try in the first place.

But you know, just ask yourself. How would you feel if someone messaged you or just replied to you in a thread and told you that the things you say really resonate with them? That they understand you. That they find you humourous, or insightful, or interesting, or any other positive word? Perhaps some people may find such a compliment awkward. Sometimes I get shy when receiving a compliment, but do I enjoy the feeling? Heck yeah! So if you want to say something nice to someone then go ahead and do it, regardless of whether they say much in return, it's a good thing to do and may lead on to something greater.

mmo's are a strange beast for frienships, and relationships. Friendships, relationships, rivalries, marriages, death threats. I've seen and had all of those but the one I play now (Guild Wars 2) I feel quite lonely in. And it's such a big game, full of thousands of people. Why do I feel so alone in such a big crowd? I don't know. My first thought is that I just don't see much of a click with anyone there... but for all I know a potential soulmate could be right there under my nose. It feels very hard to find a home for me there. I'm happy in my guild full of lovely people but I don't know anyone.

I wonder how many of us put people on pedestals. Place them above ourselves and give them this untrue confident image. See their sarcastic or witty replies and think they have everything they need, completely forgetting we are on a forum for loneliness. Why would they bother with depressing lonely weirdo scum like you, right? xD Even if you do reach out, tell people you enjoy their presence, things may not come from it. You may still feel like an outsider, a single entity in a crowd of many. But it doesn't mean people don't like you. I liked every single post in this thread so far and would gladly talk with any of you. And I'm rambling now, and need to buy food. So there we are

 

[Bei]

Hi niave, sorry to hear about your predicament Yeah, this shyness thing can be really debilitating. Going through and reading all the posts, I want to reply to so many of them because i can relate. But then comes this worry and fear that my attempted words of encouragement might not even make a difference, so I reply to very few. I'm hoping to believe that every word of encouragement out there from our members CAN make a difference. So I'm sending some words of encouragement to you. I hope you can just hang in there and know that we're all here to help each other through the lonely times, and I wish that things get much better for you soon.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Very sweet of you and I hope things get better for you too.

Hey niave, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time with this. It's not easy doing what you want to do when you worry about how others will take it or what others would think. I used to be like this the first time I joined the forum. Something kinda snapped in me and I just didn't care anymore and went on a posting spree lol.

Same goes with the PMs. Whenever I feel like just PMing anyone, I do it.. but I don't expect replies or anything like that just in case that person doesn't reply and that would just leave me feeling disappointed. I guess I just do it without expecting or worrying about what happens next.

Thanks lady, hopefully something might snap in me and I won't worry so much anymore. Also seems like you go about pm's the right way. No expectations, I should have less of these.

 

[Solivagant]

There are lots of people I would want to pm too. I sometimes want to pm people to tell them how much there replies to threads make me laugh but I don’t because I’m afraid I’ll be a bother. I’m sure it would make someone feel nice but all my over thinking always stops me.

I have trouble knowing when it's appropriate to initiate conversation, so instead of worrying about it I just follow the Golden Rule. Ask yourself, would you appreciate receiving that PM from someone? If yes, PM. If no, don't PM. Very simple. You won't always get a reply, but I think most people feel good when others reach out to them, and on a forum for loneliness I imagine this would be even more true. In fact by making the first move you might be helping out someone who is anxious to make friends but doesn't know how to start the conversation.

And look at it this way: On the rare chance that your PM might "bother" someone, they'll only stay bothered for a minute, and then they'll forget all about it. So it's not like you're greatly inconveniencing anyone here.

 

[edamame721]

Hi niave, I'm sorry if you don't feel that you fit in, but I think making friends takes time in real life. I think online can be even harder as you're not sure when someone is on and it can be a while until you talk enough to feel comfortable.

To be honest, I used to feel bad for not having "likes," but every time I come here with an issue, someone takes the time to reply back to me. And it feels good being able to reply and give advice to someone else when they post. If you think about it that way, I think that will make you feel better. You may not feel you connect perfectly with everyone, but there is caring and concern here. *hugs*

 

[davey]

Any lonely people here?

---

talk to myself.

 

[Bei]

I have trouble knowing when it's appropriate to initiate conversation, so instead of worrying about it I just follow the Golden Rule. Ask yourself, would you appreciate receiving that PM from someone? If yes, PM. If no, don't PM. Very simple. You won't always get a reply, but I think most people feel good when others reach out to them, and on a forum for loneliness I imagine this would be even more true. In fact by making the first move you might be helping out someone who is anxious to make friends but doesn't know how to start the conversation.

And look at it this way: On the rare chance that your PM might "bother" someone, they'll only stay bothered for a minute, and then they'll forget all about it. So it's not like you're greatly inconveniencing anyone here.

That's a good way to look at it. Thanks for your thoughts. I've already pmed someone first and it went great.

Hi niave, I'm sorry if you don't feel that you fit in, but I think making friends takes time in real life. I think online can be even harder as you're not sure when someone is on and it can be a while until you talk enough to feel comfortable.

To be honest, I used to feel bad for not having "likes," but every time I come here with an issue, someone takes the time to reply back to me. And it feels good being able to reply and give advice to someone else when they post. If you think about it that way, I think that will make you feel better. You may not feel you connect perfectly with everyone, but there is caring and concern here. *hugs*

Thanks Edamame, it can be hard on here. I think if I got out enough it wouldn't be as hard for me in real life but I never go anywhere. So, that's why I'm trying to make more friends here. I worry I seem to eager to be friends sometimes but so far it's been going great with new people I've met on here. There are a lot of nice people on here.

Thanks for the hug

 

[Danielle]

Hi there, I am sorry for how you are feeling. You should most defiantly try the chatroom again...if there isn't someone to let you in right away...someone will be along! I'm usually in there in the evenings....and would love to make a new friend! Please come back!

 

[Bei]

Hi there, I am sorry for how you are feeling. You should most defiantly try the chatroom again...if there isn't someone to let you in right away...someone will be along! I'm usually in there in the evenings....and would love to make a new friend! Please come back!

Hey Daniel, thanks! I feel like I'm in the wrong time zone here and no one is really on when I am. Maybe I can figure out when a good time to try it might be.

 

[Danielle]

what time zone are you? I am EST usually when I go in around 6-10pm people pop in and out...

 

[Bei]

I'm in PST so not too far behind. xD

 

[markedman]

Hi,
I read your message and you have to do what's right for you. Low self esteem is a killer, I know, I have it. Get in with a crowd where you can convey confidence, where you have some knowledge and can participate. Once you get the hang of doing that, your mind says to you, " Hey! this works and feels good. Let's do some more!" P.S. I am not good at public chatting either, one on one chatting is much more comfortable to me. I get intimidated with crowds.