Making friends in college??

[floydian]

I'm in my second year of college. The only "close" friend I made last year turned into my girlfriend. We got an apartment on campus together this year instead of returning to the dorms. For all that I have, though, I'm still lonely. I don't have any guy friends at my school that I can hang out with. I'm thinking about moving back to the dorms and getting a roommate again, but I don't know if I would be able to make friends there anyways. After all, it didn't work last year. I am shy and self conscious (i'm 20 years old but have a baby face and look about 3 years younger than i am). People avoid eye contact and conversation with me, and when they initiate, they always tell me how young I look. When I initiate, they show zero interest in carrying out a conversation. Any suggestions??

 

[SilentThinker]

Invite them out or start a general topic like,"How are you?" and "How is school?"

Try to find out what they are interested in and talk about it with them.People are interested in talking about that but dun ask too much questions.(They have not know you well and by asking too much qns,they may have the impression of,"What is this stranger asking so much?")

 

[querida]

hi floydian....im from australia so the colleges down here are a bit different in the sense of the whole dorm thing, most people either still live at home or live off campus in their own apartment, but perhaps the idea of going back to the dorm is one possible way, have you discussed this with your girlfriend, to make sure she doesn't feel rejected by taking the step backwards?

some of the way i made friends was through the group assignments we were set...perhaps when catching up for the assignment you can suggest to have lunch or coffee afterwards, or rather than it be all talk on the assignment you make general conversation on other things, such as the movies or if there is a particulary strong sports team your college has, then that? you could also join a club?

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think that joining organizations on campus and having lunch with classmates greatly increase the chance that you will make friends. After all, the more people see your face the more likely they are to feel comfortable around you. At least that is what I believe.

 

[MiKeY]

I always found that I made more friends within my major starting my junior year; when you're taking all your gen-ed requirements, you see different people each time. Once you're into your major, though, you start seeing familiar faces more often.

What about the rec center? They often have intramurals and other "groups" that meet up for random interests. Check out the list of campus organizations... we had everything from the Pagan Society to the Lawn Chair Association (don't ask... really).

 

[flylikeplanes]

I agree, you do make friends within your major. You see the same people, youve taken the same classes and have more things in common. So once you are into your major classes, you will definitely meet more people.

The dorms after your freshmen year arent really a place to make friends. People who have made friends in the dorms, make them during thier freshman year. You only see freshmen in the dorms if you think about it. Most sophmores and juniors and seniors all have apartments off campus mostly. After freshmen year, dorms become really annoying to live in, cause as you mature and grow, more freshmen keep coming in who are imature and are just barely starting to grow up. So it sucks to be around a bunch of immature brats who just started college and think they own the place already when in reality they have no idea whats coming.

 

[Penguinqt]

I'm in my second year of college. The only "close" friend I made last year turned into my girlfriend. We got an apartment on campus together this year instead of returning to the dorms. For all that I have, though, I'm still lonely. I don't have any guy friends at my school that I can hang out with. I'm thinking about moving back to the dorms and getting a roommate again, but I don't know if I would be able to make friends there anyways. After all, it didn't work last year. I am shy and self conscious (i'm 20 years old but have a baby face and look about 3 years younger than i am). People avoid eye contact and conversation with me, and when they initiate, they always tell me how young I look. When I initiate, they show zero interest in carrying out a conversation. Any suggestions??

Yeah, I don't know if I can really help, since I am also a 20 year old, female in college having some of the same issues. Well, I mean at least you have a girlfriend, but yeah, most of my friends I made my freshman year (I'm a sophomore now) have faded away, were disrepectful to me, and were too immature for me to deal with.
I have the opposite problem: I have a few male friends, all a bit immature, and I don't have any girly friends to be with, even though the college I attend is like 70% girls!

I am also kind of shy, but I have had the best luck starting a conversation with someone just by smiling at the person, and having eye contact. Obviously, if they don't keep eye contact, and they don't seem to be smiling back or don't appear to be friendly, move on.

I would also suggest finding friends in your major, except currently I'm having the problem of not being able to make friends in my major--yet. There are a few nice people that I can potentially see being my friends in a few months or so. So I don't know if that would work for you.

Of course joining a club might be helpful in meeting new people and making new friends, and if you want guy friends, probably join an intramural sport or something, a hiking club, a men's choir, or a video gaming club (however if we had one of those, I'd certainly join and I know other girls who would join too! ^_^).

Also, how big is your college? I go to a fairly small college (4,000 people), so sometimes it's hard to make new friends, since it's so small, and everyone already knows you, yet if you're at a big college, it'd be hard to make friends because of the sheer number of people.

Good luck to you!

 

[Eric]

Your post caught my eye since college was very pivotal to me being in the predicament I am in. Whatever you do, firstmost and foremost........get that degree. Once you have a degree you will be more likely to control your destiny/timeline and look back when you're 47 and see that life was better. You'll be more likely to be a homeowner, have long-time freinds, be financialy stable. Just don't take your eye off that degree no matter how lonely things might get.
In 1980 I was at a university here in Texas and my eye kept wandering from the degree and the game plan because I was consumed with "companionship" or the lack thereof. Eventually my failure at "fitting in" caused me to withdraw from the university. I went back to community colleges over the years, did well academically but still never got a degree because by this time unstable relationships and new disasters(usually from the significant other) would necesitate leaving school again. The best time to stay focused is now, while your young. Get that degree. You'll thank me in 20 years, trust me.
Eric

 

[Goodmorningamerica]

Pardon my language, but screw them. It sounds like you have a nice GF which is more than I have.

 

[Chikid]

I'm like the opposite. I've been able to make a bunch of friends at school, but I wish I had a girlfriend. I think they make you feel better. It's definitely nice to have friends in similar classes so that you can get together to study and hangout with. I would recommend being active around your school or just ask some kids you sit by to get together and do homework or something.

 

[Magic_Storm]

Exposing yourself around your university area can help to people get familiar with you if they start seeing you constantly. Be earlier to class if possible, some people like to go in before class time. Maybe you will find someone to talk while you wait for the class. Engaging in university activities or anywhere else can help you to find future friends. Take your chance when you get group projects.

About your girlfriend, if you tell her that you are interested to move back to dorms, that probably will make her feel bad or wonder if you do not like to be living with her, or something else.