Marriage

[Black Manta]

When I was younger I thought being married and having kids would make me less lonely, but ironically it makes it worse. My wife and kids are just like all the other people in the world that I don't quite fit in with.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know exactly how you feel. Surprisingly I was more lonely when we were together than I am now that we are apart. It's all a matter of perspective and what you are doing for yourself, I think.
I think some people get confused by marriage. Even married, you HAVE to have your own life. You can't rely entirely on your spouse. And it makes it a lot worse when your spouse has a life of their own. So, what do you do for yourself, what do you enjoy?

 

[mari1969]

In my case have a partner make feel tranquil it feels like something basic that I need to have. I know very well what I must do “feel well with me” “accept what I have” but I can’t.

 

[kamya]

If this is the case would you say that you just married the wrong person?

 

[Joturbo]

Holiday/weekend away without the adult children doing stuff you enjoyed when first married??

 

[Black Manta]

If this is the case would you say that you just married the wrong person?

I know I did, but even so I'm surprised how apart I am from a person I see constantly. And even if things were bad with the wife I didn't think things would be so bad as far as my kids went.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

If this is the case would you say that you just married the wrong person?

I know I did, but even so I'm surprised how apart I am from a person I see constantly. And even if things were bad with the wife I didn't think things would be so bad as far as my kids went.

Thanks for saying this. A lot of my friends that got married have ended up miserable. Several got divorced... but were left very poor by the marriage ceremony and kids. Several have remained married to people they dislike only to avoid the financial and emotional cost of a divorce. One told me she allows her husband to have any affairs he wants just he can't be obvious about it.  One poor friend divorced her husband but lives with him because he refuses to get a job and without her would be homeless...so she is trapped after getting a divorce. 

I personally don't think that there is such a thing as marrying the wrong person. I think everyone has a short term period where they "love" the other person. But that love fades. I don't believe that marriage forever is natural OR even was originally meant to be this way.

Marriage was originally a way to take care of women who couldn't work. Fathers knew they had to provide for their daughters so they paid men to marry them. It had to be forever because they were paying for care for life. But most men had mistresses.   When women got the freedom they came up with this fiction of love forever to justify marriage... 

Everyone always thinks that having kids will be great but it can go sooo wrong. Your child can get hooked on drugs, get cancer,  just dislike you. 

You can be married and lonely. It isn't a solution.

 

[Joturbo]

If this is the case would you say that you just married the wrong person?

I know I did, but even so I'm surprised how apart I am from a person I see constantly. And even if things were bad with the wife I didn't think things would be so bad as far as my kids went.

Thanks for saying this. A lot of my friends that got married have ended up miserable. Several got divorced... but were left very poor by the marriage ceremony and kids. Several have remained married to people they dislike only to avoid the financial and emotional cost of a divorce. One told me she allows her husband to have any affairs he wants just he can't be obvious about it.  One poor friend divorced her husband but lives with him because he refuses to get a job and without her would be homeless...so she is trapped after getting a divorce. 

I personally don't think that there is such a thing as marrying the wrong person. I think everyone has a short term period where they "love" the other person. But that love fades. I don't believe that marriage forever is natural OR even was originally meant to be this way.

Marriage was originally a way to take care of women who couldn't work. Fathers knew they had to provide for their daughters so they paid men to marry them. It had to be forever because they were paying for care for life. But most men had mistresses.   When women got the freedom they came up with this fiction of love forever to justify marriage... 

Everyone always thinks that having kids will be great but it can go sooo wrong. Your child can get hooked on drugs, get cancer,  just dislike you. 

You can be married and lonely. It isn't a solution.

Oh well .....myself and five of my immediate circle obviously not normal then.All married twenty plus years ..and I know two of them definitely still love their wife's.I would marry my wife again ...we both still love each other...love spending weekends away...so where do I and my friends fit in to your theory then.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

You are lying . it is always the most vocal about how happy they are that are not.

 

[Joturbo]

Lol ...not taking the bait.Of course not possible you could be wrong

Wish I was close enough to the other three boys I play cards with then I could really proove you wrong.

Funny went down to the holiday home this weekend I jointly share to fix it up after the winter.When I came in after fixing up the outside I saw my wife cleaning so being a bit mischievous starting joking about generally being a pain.My wife glared at me dead in the eye and said stop being an arse hole and make me a cup of tea.I thought I'll push it a bit ...no make your own smiling back.She then called me a prick and hit me with her brush.....I made her cup of tea and I thought God I love my baby ..........ps your only the second person to call me a liar easy when your behind a keyboard eh....

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

Lol ...not taking the bait.Of course not possible you could be wrong

Your posting on a "lonely life" message board. Nuff said.

 

[Joturbo]

Lol ...not taking the bait.Of course not possible you could be wrong

Your posting on a "lonely life" message board. Nuff said.

Read my intro my wife is my best friend....I have friends but not close enough to eradicate the lonliness.

Pleas expand Emily what do you mean.Have you ever been married you seem to be an authority on it

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

 

[Joturbo]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

Why do you say that Callie

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

Why do you say that Callie

Oh, I meant Emily, not you.

 

[Joturbo]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

Why do you say that Callie

Oh, I meant Emily, not you.

It's just I'm a bit simple I need it explained.....but no worries if it's obvious best leave it

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

Why do you say that Callie

Oh, I meant Emily, not you.

It's just I'm a bit simple I need it explained.....but no worries if it's obvious best leave it

Or realistic?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well someone seems a bit bitter....

Why do you say that Callie

Oh, I meant Emily, not you.

It's just I'm a bit simple I need it explained.....but no worries if it's obvious best leave it

Or realistic?

So it's "realistic" to call someone you don't know anything about a liar because you don't have a good relationship?  And it's "realistic" to assume that just because someone is posting on a forum like this that they are lonely?

You can't know if Joturbo is happy or not and you have no logical reason to call him a liar.  
Also, I'm posting on the forum and I'm not lonely...

 

[LifePath1]

Why do you say that Callie

Oh, I meant Emily, not you.

It's just I'm a bit simple I need it explained.....but no worries if it's obvious best leave it

Or realistic?

So it's "realistic" to call someone you don't know anything about a liar because you don't have a good relationship?  And it's "realistic" to assume that just because someone is posting on a forum like this that they are lonely?

You can't know if Joturbo is happy or not and you have no logical reason to call him a liar.  
Also, I'm posting on the forum and I'm not lonely...

Nah you're definitely lonely, I can tell. It's in the the way you speak. I don't know about Joturbo.... But you being so defensive about being lonely, just tells me you're the loneliest person here.....

 

[Seahorse]

I can understand that while being happily married you could still feel lonely for additional friendships. I've also grown to realize that if you find friendships or belonging on a forum like this, you will stick around even if you're no longer lonely.