Meeting people

[Tealeaf]

I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa

This is exactly my point. Small efforts will take you a long way. We all need to try first before we blame others or say we've failed.

Many of us have already done all this, and this is why we complain.

 

[Aisha]

I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa

This is exactly my point. Small efforts will take you a long way. We all need to try first before we blame others or say we've failed.

Many of us have already done all this, and this is why we complain.

More time spent complaining is less time spent trying. Just because you were disappointed the first time, the first hundred times, or the first thousand, doesn't mean the next person won't turn out to be the ideal friend you're looking for. Seven billion people on earth. We can't and won't identify with all of them, but we can try until we find the ones we do click with.

 

[SofiasMami]

I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa

This is exactly my point. Small efforts will take you a long way. We all need to try first before we blame others or say we've failed.

Many of us have already done all this, and this is why we complain.

Maybe I should make a thread on lowered expectations
I find life to be more satisfactory when I don't have high expectations. Maybe that's just me but I don't think so.

-Teresa

 

[Tealeaf]

I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa

This is exactly my point. Small efforts will take you a long way. We all need to try first before we blame others or say we've failed.

Many of us have already done all this, and this is why we complain.

Maybe I should make a thread on lowered expectations
I find life to be more satisfactory when I don't have high expectations. Maybe that's just me but I don't think so.

-Teresa

I consider my expectations reasonable.

Occasionally we get someone who's so determined to tell everyone to not point fingers that it almost seems like they themselves are pointing fingers (generally with little to no information about other people's situations), which is not something that belongs on a forum like this.

 

[Aisha]

I consider my expectations reasonable.

Occasionally we get someone who's so determined to tell everyone to not point fingers that it almost seems like they themselves are pointing fingers (generally with little to no information about other people's situations), which is not something that belongs on a forum like this.

Ouch. Okay, little hurtful. There was no need for that. I wasn't assuming or presuming anything about anyone's situations and I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. It was all general statements. Please don't take everything so personally. It's just one person's opinion, it won't affect you or your life. I'm not pointing fingers, I was trying to do the opposite, I'm sorry you feel that way. It wasn't directed personally at anyone and I thought that was obvious. I just said people could try harder to get what they want, that's all. If it doesn't apply to you, there's no need to take it to heart.
Again, like I said, I tend to be very idealistic,as compared to what people consider to be realism. That is, when I'm not severely depressed. Occasionally, that tends to clash with the opinions of others, as opinions do.
On another note, I completely understand why TheRealCallie has that disclaimer in her signature now..

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Maybe I should make a thread on lowered expectations
I find life to be more satisfactory when I don't have high expectations. Maybe that's just me but I don't think so.

-Teresa

I find life perfectly satisfactory without people to bolster me up, apart from family. It's not because I have lowered expectations that I'm happy this way.. I'm just more comfortable being alone than with groups or people; no matter how good a friend they are, being with company drains me of energy eventually. Of course I feel lonely at times, that is our nature, that's why I'm on this forum. But for the most part I'm content as I am.
I was just trying to address the issue that the OP raised. I may not need a social life to keep me going, but there are those who want it and crave it, which is natural. As I've said, we are all social animals but to varying degrees.What I was trying to put across was the importance of trying to attain your goal, and of not being discouraged. As it is and should be with every goal. It's not just something I made up on the spot, this is age old advice, to try, try again and perhaps next time, try harder. Everyone's heard it, everyone's felt frustrated or annoyed with it at times, but it doesn't make it less true.

 

[matt4]

I do think modern technology has made it more difficult to make new friends. It's certainly made it easier to keep in touch though.

Aisha, I was talking in the context of the wider world and not just this forum. Studying popular people is all well and good but can lead you to try to follow them in terms of interactions. What's the point of not being yourself? You can't act all the time, of course you can improve. It just seems that people aren't interested in making friends at all. On tinder, okcupid for example or in real life. It's my observation.

I'm not sure anyone is blaming others. I think a lot of people are just sick and tired of being friendly. Making the effort to be friends with people and having it thrown in their face. I have the ability to be self-critical about myself. I was merely asking whether people have the same problem as I run into. I don't think it's unique, the low value on friendship people place now.

You know how many times I've tried making friends with someone. Trying many different approaches even in terms of dating? I know I'm a good person and conversational. I've been self-critical enough to say my appearance my have let me down on a few occasions.

More time spent complaining is less time spent trying. Just because you were disappointed the first time, the first hundred times, or the first thousand, doesn't mean the next person won't turn out to be the ideal friend you're looking for. Seven billion people on earth. We can't and won't identify with all of them, but we can try until we find the ones we do click with.

Some of us need to let off steam after the first hundred or first thousand. Some of us may give up entirely if we don't see people having similar issues. We may think it's just us.

Maybe I should make a thread on lowered expectations Smile
I find life to be more satisfactory when I don't have high expectations. Maybe that's just me but I don't think so.

Would that be satisfactory in a relationship or friendship?

What I was trying to put across was the importance of trying to attain your goal, and of not being discouraged.

Thank you, that's part of the reason why I keep going. I know not everyone out in the world is the same. Even if it feels so

I need friendship/a relationship as I am is unfulfilled, and a great portion of my 26 years on this planet have been largely dull, mostly due to not having things to share with people.

 

[Aisha]

I do think modern technology has made it more difficult to make new friends. It's certainly made it easier to keep in touch though.

Aisha, I was talking in the context of the wider world and not just this forum. Studying popular people is all well and good but can lead you to try to follow them in terms of interactions. What's the point of not being yourself? You can't act all the time, of course you can improve. It just seems that people aren't interested in making friends at all. On tinder, okcupid for example or in real life. It's my observation.

I'm not sure anyone is blaming others. I think a lot of people are just sick and tired of being friendly. Making the effort to be friends with people and having it thrown in their face. I have the ability to be self-critical about myself. I was merely asking whether people have the same problem as I run into. I don't think it's unique, the low value on friendship people place now.

You know how many times I've tried making friends with someone. Trying many different approaches even in terms of dating? I know I'm a good person and conversational. I've been self-critical enough to say my appearance my have let me down on a few occasions.

Some of us need to let off steam after the first hundred or first thousand. Some of us may give up entirely if we don't see people having similar issues. We may think it's just us.

What I was trying to put across was the importance of trying to attain your goal, and of not being discouraged.

Thank you, that's part of the reason why I keep going. I know not everyone out in the world is the same. Even if it feels so

I need friendship/a relationship as I am is unfulfilled, and a great portion of my 26 years on this planet have been largely dull, mostly due to not having things to share with people.

I was speaking in terms of the wider world too Matt. I realize this forum is not the only place one can make friends. And I know this isn't a unique problem, there were times growing up I felt that way too. I get that constant rejection will tear people down. I'm very easy to hurt in that way myself, which is probably part of the reason I started closing myself off at the beginning. But if it's something I dearly wanted, I'm not sure rejection would hold me back. Maybe it would. At this point I don't think I'll know, since its not something that concerns me much now.

I completely understand what you mean by not being able to be yourself with others. By studying 'popular' people, I didn't mean to fake a different personality, I just meant charisma may be something it is possible to acquire. I have seen others change and suddenly have more friends than they knew what to do with. Including my younger brother, who went from being a severely bullied, closed off introvert, to someone I couldn't take a 15 minute walk with, when he was home for the holidays earlier this year, without running into 4 or 5 of his friends at different points along the route, all of whom approached with enthusiasm and excitment- until they found out he'd only be staying a week. At that point, I had been home for several months and hadn't run into even one of my friends, which was something I was quite grateful for. ..We're very, very different people in some ways.

Some people are better than others at interpersonal relations because they have skills the others don't. Skills can be learnt. And once learnt, implementing them is optional. Many people who have a lot of friends didn't get them because they just naturally attracted them, although there are many who are naturally charismatic too. Most people who got there worked for it, and worked on themselves. That is what I meant by introspection and changing ourselves first and not blaming others. 'Blame' wasn't the right word to use at all, but I hope you see what I mean. If it is a genuine goal you want to achieve, don't give up. Read and learn about it, make a plan, then try to implement it. It is a goal like any other, why not approach it like an actual life goal? If plan A doesn't work, modify it and modify it again. Then try the rest of the alphabet.

I'm not on tinder or dating sites so I don't know about those things, but it seems to me people have very specific intentions when they go to that sort of site and app, and not being in person makes it easier to reject people and not be concerned about what they might feel. I've met many very nice people in real life, I think most people are genuinely nice and friendly and if you approach them they will be open to friendship.. everyone's experiences are different. I'm always open to friendship if it comes along, but an active social life isn't something I miss or particularly crave, since it tires me out.
As I've said, don't be put off, you can see just from this site how many good people there are, and everyone here will be a good person in real life too, I'm sure. People take time to warm up and open up, so particularly in these times where everything is fleeting, persistence and reliability will probably be rewarded.

I understand that sometimes people want sympathy and/or empathy and not advice. But I hope you understand it's just an opinion in the end, and I only want to help and encourage, even if some people might think the opposite. People often tend to take advice harshly and consider it to be the other person telling them they're not good enough. No. Every single person is good enough just as they are. But if you have something you want to achieve don't turn aside advice, whether you think it's wrong or right, understand it's made with the best possible intentions. I don't think it's unsolicited, since the thread was made specifically concerning this. But then, if I'm wrong, just ignore my rambling I wish you good luck in any case.