Fragile
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2010
- Messages
- 108
- Reaction score
- 1
As a lonely, introvert person I've basically missed out on the the whole concept of love.
My whole life feels as if in stasis, in my mind, as if frozen in time. I can recall the days being a young boy who played in the grass of our familys back garden. How whe took daily trips down to the lake during the summer, just to swim, play and relax.
I guess I'm blessed in that way.
I've never been loved by another person though. I'm "old" now. Going into the latter stages of life, seeing my body crumble right before my very eyes, and having a sense of regret running through me like an endless river that once was the cause of happiness during my childhood.
I feel lost. Like I let down myself, like I failed, a failure is what defines my very exisstence.
I should have tried harder, I should have done more, I should have been more social, then maybe, maybe, I would have a wife and kids right now...
But I got nothing. I guess I'm one of those folks who happily paid for a lottery ticket as child, hoping to get that big brown teddy-bear to take home all for myself.
Only to end up with a worn out ticket, it's not valid, but I guess I'll keep it, as a memento of this day, the day I, even I, could have been something...
I'm a failure with women, they simply don't like me. I guess it's because of my looks or something. Or maybe I just don't get it, I've tried for years now, and ****, I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, none of them ever even wanted to meet me. Boy does that make you feel ugly and hate yourself.
I feel nothing like a "man", I feel like a freak, somthing that is disgusted, and that should be disgusted.
The feelings and thoughts that tag along with that is not pretty, I tell you.
I feel sick and I just want to get help at this moment, but all I really want is to be "normal" I just want to be accepted and maybe even loved, I don't want to be a monster in the shadows anymore.
My whole life feels as if in stasis, in my mind, as if frozen in time. I can recall the days being a young boy who played in the grass of our familys back garden. How whe took daily trips down to the lake during the summer, just to swim, play and relax.
I guess I'm blessed in that way.
I've never been loved by another person though. I'm "old" now. Going into the latter stages of life, seeing my body crumble right before my very eyes, and having a sense of regret running through me like an endless river that once was the cause of happiness during my childhood.
I feel lost. Like I let down myself, like I failed, a failure is what defines my very exisstence.
I should have tried harder, I should have done more, I should have been more social, then maybe, maybe, I would have a wife and kids right now...
But I got nothing. I guess I'm one of those folks who happily paid for a lottery ticket as child, hoping to get that big brown teddy-bear to take home all for myself.
Only to end up with a worn out ticket, it's not valid, but I guess I'll keep it, as a memento of this day, the day I, even I, could have been something...
I'm a failure with women, they simply don't like me. I guess it's because of my looks or something. Or maybe I just don't get it, I've tried for years now, and ****, I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, none of them ever even wanted to meet me. Boy does that make you feel ugly and hate yourself.
I feel nothing like a "man", I feel like a freak, somthing that is disgusted, and that should be disgusted.
The feelings and thoughts that tag along with that is not pretty, I tell you.
I feel sick and I just want to get help at this moment, but all I really want is to be "normal" I just want to be accepted and maybe even loved, I don't want to be a monster in the shadows anymore.