moping != depression

[lonely_love]

Mom says I'm moping. I want to scream at her. I'm not moping. I'm so lonely and so hating my messed up life that I want to either:
a. drink lots of beer and forget the mental pain
b. break up w/ Boyfriend so that I'd be truly alone and thus able to attempt death
c. attempt death.

But, hey, obviously I'm moping. Her father committed suicide. She has an alcoholic sister, and two sisters have gotten cancer from smoking. She herself has anger problems (and only stopped hitting me within the last five years), and she drinks alcohol to help with her back pain. My family's messed up. But, hey, obviously... I don't matter. I'm not real. I don't matter! I'm NOTHING. Just a house-elf. A maid. Man, she called me downstairs, and, like, she'd changed her dinner plans and told me to help w/ dinner & then scolded me for getting the plan for when to clean out the litter box wrong. Oh, yeah, it's all verbal/emotional abuse now.

And where's the one person that cares about me? Out eating. Of course, who cares? Nobody cares about me.

Therapy session on Thursday. Somehow...I'm really afraid that I won't make it.

 

[Crossroads]

You sound old enough to make healthy decisions for yourself. If you have a problem with your mother, talk with her. I'm sure she has been through emotional distress from her father committing suicide, the loss of you could be equally devastating or worse. If she hasn't hit you within 5 years, thats a good step in the right direction. Some people suffer from abusive parents for much of their childhood and into adulthood. You matter to someone. Whether it be your boyfriend or family member, don't ever think you don't matter. You've said that your boyfriend prevents you from committing suicide, so stick with him! Talk it out with him. He could really be your foundation to a stronger you. Not only him, but the people in your life also. Find someone who you can rely on. Your family is the best place to start. So just know that even if you don't realize it, people care about you. You just have to take strides to find them. I know it's probably difficult to take this information to heart, but the most help you can get is from within. Realize you are a strong enough person to overcome this. Give therapy a shot. Pour your heart out to your therapist and tell him your problems. If your paying for therapy sessions, you're showing that you want to help yourself and don't give up. If not, someone cares for you and wants you to be happy. If your just moping around, try helping around the house. Eventually your mother will start to appreciate the effort and you'll find living with her will be a lot easier. Your depression will subside, and when it does, you overcome your greatest stress and feel stronger from it.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs lonely love*

hey it may not be much but we care about you

I know you can make it

I suffered a lot of similar emotional abuse from my mother when I lived with her, even if I was having the worst possible day imaginable she could always make it worse

but I made it through and so far so good

how old are you?

would you be able to move out of the house someday or go to college?

I know running away doesn't solve things, but a little distance between you and people who treat you poorly can help

and you might be overlooking someone in your life who does care about you,

it may not seem like it but I'm sure your boyfriend cares for you

*hugs*

 

[Sci-Fi]

Some parents (people) don't know how to deal with it, some just don't want to accept it. Sounds like she's been through quite a bit with other family members, it might be weighing down on her. Best you can do is try. You mentioned Therapy, talk to your therapist if you really want a change and get better they can help, it's their job. They might be able to help talk to you mom too sounds like she might need someone to help her too.

 

[I'm Fine]

Parents can screw up their kids in ways that no-one else really can. Hopefully you'll be able to move out on your own sometime soon. If you can keep that as a goal - something to look forward to, it might help you deal with the day-to-day living. Just a thought anyway.

 

[A new life]

Death will come too soon all by itself.

Put that thought right out of your mind.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You might try looking up if ACOA (Adult Children Of Alcoholics), Alan-On,
CODA or Ala-Teen. Support groups of people that lived through a living hell
as you had.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home. My father N Step father are both very abusive alcoholics. Subsequenly I got involved in toxic or abusive relationships. My EXWF N EXGF were abusive...eventually they too got physical..but it was so comfortable N familar to me.
I knew how to function in dysfunction as un healthy as it was.
I didnt realized what was happening until I was in my mid 20s.

I found myself abusing drugs N alcohol..partying or wahtever forms
of addictions to escape the mental N emotional pains. I even tried to
commit sueicide as the ultimate check out N solve all my problems salution. I spent 2 years after that on a drinking, partying binge.
I was very successful in my career..lots of money N material success.
Looking good on the outside N all messed up on the inside
I became like my fathers..I hated them. Hence I hated myself even more
for being like them. So I numb out even more..hoping I would OD. Another suicide attempt,,but the slow way.

Even after getting clean N sober..I would still emotionally shut down or
numb out. It was my survival instink or behaviors I developed over
years of being abused.

Even to this day. I have or wish not to have a relationship with my fathers. My step father remains very abusive to me. He had progressively gotten worst. He is like poison to me. Nothing I do is good enough for him...but he actaully gose out of his way to abuse me...all the mental N emotional head games.

Theres help if you want help. Lots of healthy living tools N coping skills n healing. I can actaully talk and listen to people that understands me.
Ive actaully ran away from home again..Thousands of miles away from my father. My HSGF n I wanted to do this years ago.
She too came from a very abusive N dysfunctional home. We understand each other.
Its that love, understanding N compassion we have for it other. Its healing for the both of us.
But just the distance away from that enviornment dysfucntional N abusive alone had helped the both of us.
I dont suffer from depression as much as I used to..but my GF still gets anxiety attacks or depressed from time to time.
Shes a very loving N gentle person. She wants the same as I do. To love N to be loved.

Be well