lonely_love
Member
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2011
- Messages
- 7
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Mom says I'm moping. I want to scream at her. I'm not moping. I'm so lonely and so hating my messed up life that I want to either:
a. drink lots of beer and forget the mental pain
b. break up w/ Boyfriend so that I'd be truly alone and thus able to attempt death
c. attempt death.
But, hey, obviously I'm moping. Her father committed suicide. She has an alcoholic sister, and two sisters have gotten cancer from smoking. She herself has anger problems (and only stopped hitting me within the last five years), and she drinks alcohol to help with her back pain. My family's messed up. But, hey, obviously... I don't matter. I'm not real. I don't matter! I'm NOTHING. Just a house-elf. A maid. Man, she called me downstairs, and, like, she'd changed her dinner plans and told me to help w/ dinner & then scolded me for getting the plan for when to clean out the litter box wrong. Oh, yeah, it's all verbal/emotional abuse now.
And where's the one person that cares about me? Out eating. Of course, who cares? Nobody cares about me.
Therapy session on Thursday. Somehow...I'm really afraid that I won't make it.
a. drink lots of beer and forget the mental pain
b. break up w/ Boyfriend so that I'd be truly alone and thus able to attempt death
c. attempt death.
But, hey, obviously I'm moping. Her father committed suicide. She has an alcoholic sister, and two sisters have gotten cancer from smoking. She herself has anger problems (and only stopped hitting me within the last five years), and she drinks alcohol to help with her back pain. My family's messed up. But, hey, obviously... I don't matter. I'm not real. I don't matter! I'm NOTHING. Just a house-elf. A maid. Man, she called me downstairs, and, like, she'd changed her dinner plans and told me to help w/ dinner & then scolded me for getting the plan for when to clean out the litter box wrong. Oh, yeah, it's all verbal/emotional abuse now.
And where's the one person that cares about me? Out eating. Of course, who cares? Nobody cares about me.
Therapy session on Thursday. Somehow...I'm really afraid that I won't make it.