Moving

[LadyDaria]

Yeh... there is one test to see who is a friend and who isn't... moving. Next week I am moving to a new place. I thought three things:

- my brother, who's is family, and has an SUV -- would do something, even minor. Like come over to visit and help me with heavier things. He is unemployed. That is what family does right? Nope... he doesn't even bother coming up with an excuse... just no response to my request. I swear if he doesn't come, I do not see what the point is in even having a brother. Really I get nothing from him at all. I just get called for xmas, I guess, due to pity or, my giving his son a gift.

- Surely one of my friends, who egged me on so much to buy this place, would come and give me a little help. I mean not even moving help, just come see the place. No, not a one. Here too most have not even bothered to come with an excuse... just no answer.

- So I actually pay a girl to run my errands. The deal was 2 hours a week were she did what I needed... l called her and told her I wanted her to devote those two hours to helping me move. She freaked out and told me she couldn't do that because of her knees (going up and down the stairs) um... she seems to go up and down the stairs normally when she runs my errands. Ok fine, I told her her car would be a big help.. but then she calls me and get this-- tells me her wrists are hurting her and she doesn't know if she could do anything but drive, but, that she can still run my errands. Yeh I am not paying you to drive. I can just make two trips.

Abandonment. Complete and utter abandonment.

What is, frankly, the point of all these people if when I need them... I don't get them. Isn't it at the heart of any relationship a quid pro quo... friends, family, employee... yet everyone single one of them expects the quid but not the pro.

It just makes me feel like retreating and not going near any of them again... but then I think that is why I am lonely... But these people... they aren't really helping that.

 

[Nightwing]

Wow... just wow. Did you follow up the messages you left?

 

[Senamian]

Wow is right. I don't know... I always found I had to rely on myself rather than others. Either they avoid the situation at hand, or they postpone it... So it turns out to be "the Hell with this I'll do it myself!" Sadly, moving really is one of those things that you need others to help with.

 

[LadyDaria]

Wow is right. I don't know... I always found I had to rely on myself rather than others.

Yeh, so in a way I don't want to be lonely but it seems like when I reach out to others I get very little in return. So it seems like why do I bother in the first place. I have hired a moving company but I am so tired of being alone. I don't see why I should follow up with the messages... they got them... asking more than once well, when there is something they want, they seem to know how to respond.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah funny how no one wants to help you move but when they need to, then it's another story and you are the bad friend if you don't help.

 

[Nightwing]

Yeah funny how no one wants to help you move but when they need to, then it's another story and you are the bad friend if you don't help.

I know... that's why you should follow up. Give them a taste of their own medicine?

 

[Senamian]

When we moved the ones who avoided helping us asked to come see our place... My response was closer to "well... See, we're still unpacking and I don't really feel ready for guests yet. Maybe some other time." basically what did they to us lol.

 

[SofiasMami]

Moving sucks! I just moved in October and my landlord just told me he wants to sell so I have to move again
Oddly, when I've needed help moving, it's come from acquaintances and near-strangers. My "best" friends scattered like cockroaches when I needed help ( and my family is flung over the 4 corners of the globe).
I was very touched by the people who helped me move in Oct but I don't want to ask them again so I am hiring a mover next time.
If I were there, I would help you, to pass along the favor I was extended last Oct.

-Teresa

 

[jaguarundi]

Yeh, so in a way I don't want to be lonely but it seems like when I reach out to others I get very little in return. So it seems like why do I bother in the first place. ....

Understanding that one really well! I have some neighbours who have a holiday home here. They truly are nice people, and the husband said he would help me move and stack my firewood logs after they are delivered. They are heavy (oak) and it wears me out doing it myself. He did do it one year, and said he would again. As a thank-you, I would invite them to a slap-up meal chez moi, and sometimes their family, if they were staying.

The next time I asked him, he was really busy helping someone else but he did it - eventually. Third year - he was really busy but would help me (he said). The weather started to turn rainy, he was still busy - I had to do it myself, couldn't leave the logs getting wet as I was bringing them into the cellar and they would never dry properly.

He hasn't offered again and I haven't asked. I just try to be thankful that he helped me twice before, but this time when I looked at the log delivery I actually sat down and cried. I simply couldn't face it, so I stacked them outside under a tarp instead. Later I saw him out with a fellow church goer of his and his wife's - a man. He was helping him pick up the logs, take them to the guys home in a trailer and stack them. . . .

And these are nice people! But they just don't get it...

Take care of yourself during your move , and at least the real movers know what they are doing.

 

[9006]

These people aren't worth your time IMO, they seem lazy and selfish. People like this are normally full of double standards but quick to point out faults, hypocritical and fickle. You'd be better cutting them out.

I find these situations (not literally) funny because it's difficult to come out the 'good guy', if you remember how they acted and point it out when they're in need then you're the bad one, however if you forgive and forget it makes it easier for them to repeat it again.

 

[LadyDaria]

These people aren't worth your time IMO, they seem lazy and selfish.

But I think I am reaching that point in my life where I am like... who IS worth my time. In 41 years it is like 2 or 3 of them. And this was going through like 900 people that I have known.

 

[Grackle]

Understanding that one really well! I have some neighbours who have a holiday home here. They truly are nice people, and the husband said he would help me move and stack my firewood logs after they are delivered. They are heavy (oak) and it wears me out doing it myself. He did do it one year, and said he would again. As a thank-you, I would invite them to a slap-up meal chez moi, and sometimes their family, if they were staying.

The next time I asked him, he was really busy helping someone else but he did it - eventually. Third year - he was really busy but would help me (he said). The weather started to turn rainy, he was still busy - I had to do it myself, couldn't leave the logs getting wet as I was bringing them into the cellar and they would never dry properly.

He hasn't offered again and I haven't asked. I just try to be thankful that he helped me twice before, but this time when I looked at the log delivery I actually sat down and cried. I simply couldn't face it, so I stacked them outside under a tarp instead. Later I saw him out with a fellow church goer of his and his wife's - a man. He was helping him pick up the logs, take them to the guys home in a trailer and stack them. . . .

And these are nice people! But they just don't get it...

Take care of yourself during your move , and at least the real movers know what they are doing.

Wow, that makes me really angry.

 

[jaguarundi]

^^Well, 7 cubic metres of 50cm oak logs does tend to have a strong emotional effect on me, I can tell you!

 

[9006]

But I think I am reaching that point in my life where I am like... who IS worth my time. In 41 years it is like 2 or 3 of them. And this was going through like 900 people that I have known.

This is the sad reality, you're lucky if you have a group of good friends at all. I'm not saying they're bad people but they're not really a help in life, either. I suppose it depends on what you expect from friends but from what you explained I thought it was pretty selfish of them.