Must it be experienced?

[ChaosDragon]

A decent while ago a high school classmate and I were tlking and I had mentioned that leading a lonely life is pretty terrible, and something told me he was a bit put off by it. So, I asked him what the problem was with expressing that sentiment and he said to me all the typical things "It's not that bad; it'll get better quickly; You're exaggerating it."

Since a few weeks ago I've noticed that he seems to be going through the same thing now, evidenced especially by the style of messages he leaves on his facebook. It would seem that he's experienced what it's like to have one's heart completely shattered and having to live with that for perhaps the first time in his life, and it's almost ironic at how much worse he's taking it than I have. I think it's likely because while I've dealt with that sort of thing quite a lot throughout my life, for him it's almost a new experience.

My theory is that unless you've actually had an extended visit to Downsville(™ ) it is next to impossible to equate yourself and your experiences to someone who has, and attempting to do so just makes it look like you're talking out of your ass.

 

[Minus]

I imagine it is possible for those that interact with the world around them in a manner that i would guess would be within the norm, to discount the difficulty of those that always seem to be on the outside looking in. If he is down solely because of some relationship experience, then he is probably just visiting Downsville™ and will be on his way out again before long. Before long he can say "I was there" so i know "It's not that bad; it'll get better quickly; You're exaggerating it."

 

[Lonesome Crow]

hahahhaaaa...that's funni.

That's why you don't take advice or give advice.
It's impossible to know exactly what a person will go through, process or react to any life's situation.

You can learn how to listen to peaple, try to be understanding, supportive, or have compassion.
Everyone have thier own truth. What rings true for one person dosn't necessary mean it's true for another
even if both people had gone through simular circumstance. We all process life different.

I go through the samething with my daughter or she's going through some challenges that i've experince.
However I can't tell her what to do or promise her it will even get better. I don't give her advice and I'm her dad.
I also don't belive she's exaggerating her difficulties..it's her truth.
All i can do is be there for her and let her know that I love her very, very much and I care about her very much.
hahahaha....the same principle I too must apply to myself....
It's a reminder that I too should love, care and cherish myself unconditionally for whatever the heck I'm experincing in my life at the moment.

Must it be experinced?....
Sometimes on hands training is best....

A wise man will learn from his own mistakes.
A genius learn from other men's mistakes

Or You can learn from other people of what to do...
You can also learn from others of not what to do.
Never the less...the chioce is your's and your's alone.

Making mistakes is not the end of the world. We learn from our mistakes.
So whatever decisions you make will never be wrong.
If you made a decision that had negative outcome, if you learn from that decision.
Then that's the correct decision for you. Even if you made the same decisions over and over again.
We all have different learning curve or awarness.
It's loving ourselves, caring for ourselves,having compassions, forgiving ourselves and being patience with ourselves as we experinces lifes.
We are perfectly not perfect. We can evaluate our decisions and actions for better outcomes...but we must never, never condem ourselves.

 

[ChaosDragon]

I imagine it is possible for those that interact with the world around them in a manner that i would guess would be within the norm, to discount the difficulty of those that always seem to be on the outside looking in. If he is down solely because of some relationship experience, then he is probably just visiting Downsville™ and will be on his way out again before long. Before long he can say "I was there" so i know "It's not that bad; it'll get better quickly; You're exaggerating it."

The thing is, if you're right then that means he's just getting a taste of it, but at the very least it opens up his mind to the possibility "What if I had to live basically every day like this?", though I wouldn't doubt he'll still go back as you've said.

Point being, only through having these kinds of negative experience can one be able to truly appreciate the actuality of the difficulty of the ones outside looking in. The unlucky few who do go through it entirely rather than just tasting it tend to be more like the Lonesome Crow describes- not putting it down for anyone else instead of just telling someone it'll get better.

 

[sappy]

as far as loneliness goes , i think everyone experiences that to some degree at some point in their lives but as far as chronic loneliness and clinical depression goes not many people can relate to that or have gone through it. that being said your right...when people who havent gone through these things try to relate they wind up sounding like they know next to nothing about what the other person is going through, and they dont. its almost as if they try to "relate" in any way they know how, without thinking about what they are saying. lonely people are often also depressed, and what you say to a depressed person (although you may have good intentions) may mean something totally different to them, which they might take negatively.....in short, yes in my opinion you have to have experience something before you can give any good advice...anything else is just an attempt to make the person feel better, and while the intentions are good, in the end they might do more harm to the person than good