tangy_original
Member
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
- Messages
- 8
- Reaction score
- 0
Today is a bit of a Coldplay day. Lots of quarter life/existential crisis-ey thoughts. I'm not satisfied with being lackluster, but i have next to no money, and I'm too gripped with fear to apply for scholarships. I'm scared the school I want to transfer into won't like me, and then I won't get accepted and this will all be for nothing. I am afraid of being poor for the rest of my life.
I hated growing up without any money, and my dad being unable to cosign for a loan. I can't get nearly enough money, even though I work 35 hours a week on top of being a full-time student, and he wants me to buy myself a car. I'm losing my ******* mind over here, and I hate how my life is going. I love my dad, but he has this huge flaw that is stressing me out so bad. What if my life is actually meaningless in the end? I know on a cosmic level that it is, but I want my life to be meaningful to myself and the people who surround me.
I just need someone to tell me that I'm not stupid in a tone that's convincing enough for me. I feel like everyone that tells me that my poems and screenplays are amazing is just trying to make me feel good about myself, but what the hell can I do to stop myself from thinking they're being disingenuous? What if I'm just humoring myself by thinking that I might be talented? I can't make a living off of talents I don't actually have.
I want to get married, have kids, and raise them, but I'm tentative to even think about that if there's a chance that I'll ruin their lives by ending up an impoverished lout. I want to experience life, and I want to do it without ending up some kind of disaster living in a stupid town full of inbreds and small diner "Regulars". I've got nothing to show for myself. I'm so sorry for my parents. They tried so hard to raise me to be successful and I've missed the mark every time. I'm trying my best, but **** it this sucks.
I hated growing up without any money, and my dad being unable to cosign for a loan. I can't get nearly enough money, even though I work 35 hours a week on top of being a full-time student, and he wants me to buy myself a car. I'm losing my ******* mind over here, and I hate how my life is going. I love my dad, but he has this huge flaw that is stressing me out so bad. What if my life is actually meaningless in the end? I know on a cosmic level that it is, but I want my life to be meaningful to myself and the people who surround me.
I just need someone to tell me that I'm not stupid in a tone that's convincing enough for me. I feel like everyone that tells me that my poems and screenplays are amazing is just trying to make me feel good about myself, but what the hell can I do to stop myself from thinking they're being disingenuous? What if I'm just humoring myself by thinking that I might be talented? I can't make a living off of talents I don't actually have.
I want to get married, have kids, and raise them, but I'm tentative to even think about that if there's a chance that I'll ruin their lives by ending up an impoverished lout. I want to experience life, and I want to do it without ending up some kind of disaster living in a stupid town full of inbreds and small diner "Regulars". I've got nothing to show for myself. I'm so sorry for my parents. They tried so hard to raise me to be successful and I've missed the mark every time. I'm trying my best, but **** it this sucks.