Hi everyone. I decided to write this post because I would really like to share this experience and for once close this chapter of my life. I apologise in advance, as this will be long.
I have an older brother and for some reason, he has been mean with me since I can remember. I know brothers and sisters tend to argue and have conflicts. Yet, I do consider that my brother crossed certain limits and that many things that he did to me were painful and unacceptable. Unfortunately, I let his words and actions affect my life and self esteem.
Ever since we were children, he made everything to harm me and make me cry, such as breaking my toys, teased me until I cried, persuaded other kids to harm me (once he made a group of neighbour kids throw stones at me when I was around 6). He seemed to really enjoy causing me pain and distress. My parents never did much and were always condescending with him and hard on me. I still don't understand my parent's attitude during those years.
As teenagers, things got worse. I was bullied in school by other kids and he would participate and incite many of the humiliations I was put throw. My parents would always be on his side and never believed me. It was in those years when he began to drink heavily and the psychological abuse became physical. He would sometimes punch me and even once he spit on me. He would sometimes say he was sorry but he would eventually do it again. Once again, I had no aid from my parents and all they did was get upset at me for not being able to stand up for myself. Phrases like "you are stupid", "you are ugly", "you are useless", "you are fat", etc were commonly said by him, and unfortunately by my parents as well.
Those years were painful. I was bullied at school and tormented at home by my brother. He was my older brother, he was suppose to protect me, but all he did was made me miserable as much as possible. I never understood why so much hate from him.
The years went by an he didn't change. I could never count on him for anything and always refuse to help me, no matter how desperate I was. If he ever did help me, it was because my parents would make him do it and of course, he would be pissed off and would insult me. He would say how stupid I was all the time, he would even use me as an example of a useless person (things such as "anybody can do it, even my sister can!). I never had absolutely any support or consideration from him. My parents always seemed absent and careless about all these abuse I went through. I suffered in silence for years, which lead me to alcoholism at an early age. To this date, I still struggle with my drinking, I still have self esteem issues and I am very insecure about doing almost everything which has been a limitation for me in many aspects of my life.
We are adults now, he is 33 and I am 30. He has matured a bit, however he is still shallow and insensitive. He has become a bit nicer with me lately, but only after I achieved getting a sponsor to study a PhD abroad. My theory is that he probably thinks that in order for me to gain his respect I should achieve something in my life. They say fraternal love should be unconditional, apparently that doesn't happen in our case. I still don't know how I feel about him. I don't like him of course, I don't know if I love him deep inside. I do know that I want to close this chapter of my life and not care about what he did or does anymore, including his wife (yes, his wife is also a ***** with me, they are truly a match made in heaven).
I guess the moral of the story is don't let how people treat you define you as a person. The world is full of foolish people who judge but never change themselves and this will be until the end of times. All I want to do is say goodbye to all that pain and wish my brother happiness, even if I feel he doesn't deserve it.
I have an older brother and for some reason, he has been mean with me since I can remember. I know brothers and sisters tend to argue and have conflicts. Yet, I do consider that my brother crossed certain limits and that many things that he did to me were painful and unacceptable. Unfortunately, I let his words and actions affect my life and self esteem.
Ever since we were children, he made everything to harm me and make me cry, such as breaking my toys, teased me until I cried, persuaded other kids to harm me (once he made a group of neighbour kids throw stones at me when I was around 6). He seemed to really enjoy causing me pain and distress. My parents never did much and were always condescending with him and hard on me. I still don't understand my parent's attitude during those years.
As teenagers, things got worse. I was bullied in school by other kids and he would participate and incite many of the humiliations I was put throw. My parents would always be on his side and never believed me. It was in those years when he began to drink heavily and the psychological abuse became physical. He would sometimes punch me and even once he spit on me. He would sometimes say he was sorry but he would eventually do it again. Once again, I had no aid from my parents and all they did was get upset at me for not being able to stand up for myself. Phrases like "you are stupid", "you are ugly", "you are useless", "you are fat", etc were commonly said by him, and unfortunately by my parents as well.
Those years were painful. I was bullied at school and tormented at home by my brother. He was my older brother, he was suppose to protect me, but all he did was made me miserable as much as possible. I never understood why so much hate from him.
The years went by an he didn't change. I could never count on him for anything and always refuse to help me, no matter how desperate I was. If he ever did help me, it was because my parents would make him do it and of course, he would be pissed off and would insult me. He would say how stupid I was all the time, he would even use me as an example of a useless person (things such as "anybody can do it, even my sister can!). I never had absolutely any support or consideration from him. My parents always seemed absent and careless about all these abuse I went through. I suffered in silence for years, which lead me to alcoholism at an early age. To this date, I still struggle with my drinking, I still have self esteem issues and I am very insecure about doing almost everything which has been a limitation for me in many aspects of my life.
We are adults now, he is 33 and I am 30. He has matured a bit, however he is still shallow and insensitive. He has become a bit nicer with me lately, but only after I achieved getting a sponsor to study a PhD abroad. My theory is that he probably thinks that in order for me to gain his respect I should achieve something in my life. They say fraternal love should be unconditional, apparently that doesn't happen in our case. I still don't know how I feel about him. I don't like him of course, I don't know if I love him deep inside. I do know that I want to close this chapter of my life and not care about what he did or does anymore, including his wife (yes, his wife is also a ***** with me, they are truly a match made in heaven).
I guess the moral of the story is don't let how people treat you define you as a person. The world is full of foolish people who judge but never change themselves and this will be until the end of times. All I want to do is say goodbye to all that pain and wish my brother happiness, even if I feel he doesn't deserve it.
