My loneliness.

[Papabear]

I'm one of those people that spends a lot of time around others yet I still feel lonely... disconnected would be a good word.

I think of my days without people (which are fewer than days spend with); class, coffee shop at the bookstore... check out some new books, head down to the park and walk around for a bit, go home and cook myself dinner, head to the dojo, come back home for the rest of the night to browse the net or read something with a movie on in the background.

The whole time I do this I feel disconnected... lost in my own thoughts. I frequently try to interact with the rest of the world, I try to meet women and new friends... strike up a quick conversation with someone looking at the same author or waiting on their coffee next to me... but I still feel outside this wall of superficiality.

I spent last night out with friends and had a really great time but I still felt outside of that wall... and let me tell you, it's lonely out there. I wonder how many people feel this the way that I do. Like the world is some sort of superficiality and a lot of what you interact with is just that... an interaction for your thoughts.

I know when to savor great moments in the real world, that's not the difficult part, I have many great memories from times where I've been able to cross that wall. The difficult part is to maintain that fusion of real world interaction and myself throughout the not great times. I think a lot of my issue is the product of being a thinker. I've noticed people that are typically less free thinking and less intelligent have a much easier time adjusting to being happy in the world... maybe something along the lines of "ignorance is bliss".

One thing I do know is that I spend a lot of time wishing I had someone to share this with. I'm not sure if having that person would be the key to solving my loneliness issues or if I have some other seeded issue that would prevent me from truly merging (in the sense that I have great friends but I still rarely get it). I want to share those few great memories I have. I want to share a cold autumn day picking out pumpkins where you rush inside to hot apple cider, or walking around a Christmas festival after a great dinner listening to carolers with the smell of roasted nuts and the tastes of candy canes lingering in your sense. I wouldn't blame this on my lack of looking and more on my lack of finding, I've certainly put forth the effort here, I'm just waiting to find (which is the part where everyone tells you to stop looking at let it find you... b.s. if you ask me, that's how people end up 60, single, and angry.)

I guess if I were to explain myself to you I'm that guy, the one sitting on the bench in the park, alone, with a coffee, and quiet. The guy you are never sure why they are there. The one that goes to the art museum alone, sits at the bar at nice restaurants (no sense in taking up a whole table for myself). All this isn't from lack of interaction but inability to truly interact. I want whatever it is that will bring me back, be it a woman, a friend, or a self realization.

How many of you out there feel this way, or have before and have bridged this "gap"?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm not really sure how to describe what I term as loniness. I mean, I can look it up in the dictionary
to get a couple of definitions for it....but that's not exactly how I would decribe how i feel at times
either

Yeah..disconnected, something like that.
I've been in a room full of people and felt alone.

I guess there's a difference between being lonely and alone.
Well, i live alone now but I don't feel lonely....sort of salitude.
I thought about being a monk...but I love women too much.lol

I was in a lone term relationship and i felt lonely as hell....or i felt alone.
A wrong partner I guess. She told me she was my soulmate..obviosuely not
There were times i felt she completed me though.

Yes finding that special someone can make a difference. Someone to share your life with.
Your hopes, dreams, triumph and failures. I guess that's what people mean by chemistry.
However I lack balance...when I love someone...I get really into them and loose myself.
It's feels good at first..but not too healthy in the long run.

Anyway, I went into recovery at very young age and it sort of help me at that moment
in time of my life. They gave me a lot of living tools and we get into great discussion as this subject.
By being able to relate to certain people, it helped me not to feel so lonely anymore.
Plus there were that genuine connection...I suppose.
Plus i was a part of something that was bigger than me.
Yeah...plus helping others help curve my thoughts away from myself.
People termed it as getting out of yourself.
yeah...I can get really deep into my thinking at times.

There's also a conception of a HP. I guess a loving god of my understanding that
would go everywhere I go so that I don't feel alone in this life journey.
The only problem is...I don't belive in god or religiouse.lol
Then I was told that's why it's a conception and not a concept.
Meaning my perception of what a HP or truth is would change as I get closer....I guess so. I then was told ...The more i know, the less
I know...lol
What it really means is...I'll always be learning.

There's plenty of self help books and many other books that use variouse terms to dicribe
a condition I had. Some people call it a walking dougnut... I felt empty inside no matter what
happened. It didn't matter if i was in a relationship , had money to spend..ect
People, places and things will releave me of that emptiness for while....but that emptiness
or disconnect comes back. I guess the conceptions is that a HP is so big or unlimited...bigger than
that hole I have inside of me.

i guess it sort of makesence If I try to give a person the responsibilties of filling that emptiness
i have is asking too much. People have limits

I also started getting into meditations...not so much to seek out god. There's not really a right way
or a wrong way.
It's a process of getting out of my mind, not letting my mind control me, or reacting to my thinking all the time.
There's an old saying..."control your mind or it'll control you."

A meditation can just be me taking a simple walk during a sunset. Basically to be in the moment.
To be in the presence and not in my head. Once I'm in the moment, i can truely appricate the smell
of a rose or the sounds of children luaghing as they're playing. Yeah...the simple things in life are free.
A sort of connection with life...i guess.

One of my favorite books is call " The power of the NOW"
The aurther was in a state of Bliss for 2 years of his life.

Serval other books such as , The art of happiness.

I also attended the Course of Mirracle studies.
It's bascailly about getting out of your mind. It has a religiouse over tone though.
Most people that attend that are pretty mellow...better than attending ladie's night and getting into a bar fight.
Will...ladie's night was on the same night as the Course of Mirracles...
I figured..I rather meet my wife in a mirracle meeting than a bar

I hope you find you way.
Thanks for sharing a part of yourself.

 

[AlertKid]

Yes, sometimes i feel extremely disconnected to the world.
I`ve only really got 2 friends in my life right now, excluding
all those I know online. And they can`t possibly keep me
company all the time. I am really shy IRL, despite how I act
online.

At school I`m the quiet gay crossdresser girly boy, everyone
is too embarrassed to talk to. Of course, the rules have changed
a bit, and if I`m caught crossdressing then I`ll definitely get
suspended. D: It`s horrible walking around in men`s clothes. I can`t
stand it, it just doesn`t feel right at all. I mean, I`m happy as a boy
but i am not happy wearing male clothes, so now i`m even more
emo at school. I sit down in class and feel ugly, and too ``normal``.

I don`t know if you believe what i said relates to your loneliness, but
this is my loneliness...I want to like, just find others who accept me.
it`s tiring and getting old, the whole -ewww here comes the cross-
dresser...I bet he`ll try and hit on me- thing. I mean, honestly.
How egotistical can a guy be when he thinks all gay men will hit on
him. JUST cause a hetero GIRL likes MEN doesn`t mean they`ll hit
on every man they see. Seriously! >8U
well anyway...i`ve seemed to go on a rant. x____x

 

[BigDaddy1967]

I too feel disconnected at times. I am a school teacher and I Love my job and my kids I have in class. I feel that there is something else out there in this big world we live in. I don't have much communication with my family. Long Story. That is the main reason I moved to this little town. To get away from the rat-race. Too much drama to deal with. Sometimes I feel like the incredible Hulk, destined to walk the earth alone forever, that is my Loneliness.

I don't feel that I am socially unacceptable, I believe that I am an attractive woman. I am single, 43 yrs old and haven't had any kids. I would have loved to, but the right man never came along. I work out daily and eat right. I am a natural blonde and I feel that I have what it takes to be a good wife. I could probably still marry, but like I said, the right one hasn't came along yet with the same interests as me.

So, I just stay in my little world and just have only a few friends. We stay busy traveling and looking for abandoned graveyards and for paranormal activity. That is where I get my thrills.

 

[AlertKid]

So, I just stay in my little world and just have only a few friends. We stay busy traveling and looking for abandoned graveyards and for paranormal activity. That is where I get my thrills.

if i wasn`t 16 or gay, i would propose to you. D:

 

[Papabear]

HatedOne4Life -

I imagine that it would be pretty easy to feel disconnected as a school teacher. I can't imagine spending my whole day around people that are even harder to connect with than your peers.

 

[Rent412]

Whenever I see somebody alone, the way you described yourself, I ALWAYS wonder how they're feeling, why they're alone, and if they wish they weren't. I know how you feel though. I feel so disconnected from the world too. I'm a girl and I happen to be very attractive and get a lot of attention from males, but it doesn't help. Half the time I don't know if they're trying to get to know me, or just trying to sleep with me so they can brag to their friends. I don't know if it's because of my looks, but females are very jealous of me and they just never like me. I don't get along with girls the way most people do. I see how easily other people make friends and I'm just like what the hell is wrong with me? Why don't they want to exchange numbers and hang out with me too? I never make friends when I have jobs that's why I just became a babysitter and I don't even have to deal with people. I'm sitting on the computer at work right now. The kids are playing and I'm just sitting here, lonely. I spoke on the phone with people today too, but I still feel lonely. What I'm trying to get at is you can be ridiculously lonely and empty whether you actually are alone a lot or not. It is an inside thing that we have to get over. I wish so much that I knew how and that I could help you, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. You can start out on the internet. I've never been a fan of internet dating, but they way I feel now I understand why people do it. If you feel so disconnected from the world and find it hard to meet new people, you can try starting on the internet. Maybe you'll connect with someone well and then you can meet and see where that goes. I hope you feel better soon though, because personally, I know how loneliness can eat away at you. I burst out crying for no reason at all sometimes. I think talking to a professional will help, just to help me sort out my thoughts, but I have no health insurance. You should try that if you do.

 

[ragingbull17]

Hi Papabear. That was an intelligent, profoundly deep message my friend.

I'm an example of somebody who has never truly been able to cross that 'wall' and I know just where you're coming from. It is indeed a lonely place to be. The worst thing is, although I'm not old, I feel like I am and I feel like a clock is ticking for me. I'm 21 and have nothing to show for it. I go to college every week day and look at women who I feel I could make a connection with, but it's as if I am truly the invisible man. I go on my own, sit on my own totally isolated from the rest of the group, get on with my work and then leave at the end of the day without having spoken a word to anybody. I can't even muster the self confidence to say hello or bye to anybody. When I'm in my bed at night I wonder why the hell I'm still here. I truly am hopeless on most levels, but the thing is, I never entirely give up hope. If I did I wouldn't be writing this message. I know it's a cliche but just hang on in there and try to live your life. The time for people like us has yet to come. If we put ourselves in the correct situations we will find people to share our lives with. I will never let go of that theory of hope and the day I do it will be time for me to check out of this life. I've still got some self discovery to do, but when it's my time for me to find somebody to share my life with, I'm confident it will happen.

Keep hoping my friend, and if you ever want a chat, just P.M. me.

 

[ana]

I've noticed people that are typically less free thinking and less intelligent have a much easier time adjusting to being happy in the world... maybe something along the lines of "ignorance is bliss".

I was thinking about that this week... about how people simple minded people have it easy. And it's not because they are stupid, it's just that some people are completely unaware of what's going on in the world. That superficiality Papabear wrote about, it exists. But only people who put much too thought into things are able to see it and that's why they (us) end up feeling depressed.

When I'm forced into a social situation with this kind of people - the blissfully unaware that the world is a horrible place - I get depressed because oh my god! am i the only person who sees that this is CRAP? And that's why you feel lonely. Because you feel like you're the only person who understands and sees things that no one else is able to see.

 

[AngelDrop]

I can totally relate to a lot of people here..

My town isn't the most friendly place to live... half the time I feel exactly like some of you have expressed; feeling so lonely you dont believe there is anyone out there you can relate to.

 

[SadRabbit]

I can relate to angeldrop. The world is no longer friendly anymore. People just are getting selfish. If you don't look good, not intelligent, lack money, no one is gonna take you serious nor talk to you much. It is sad really.

 

[Estreen]

Wow, that is well put(the "wall" metaphor). I often feel like I am out of the loop with a lot of things that come "normally" for most. For me, it's just not easy to just walk up and introduce myself and drum up an interesting conversation. It takes a lot of thinking for me, and sometimes almost "planning" out. I sometimes feel that if I were just a bit thinner, things would be easier for me, because then maybe I'd get approached more often, although when I think a bit deeper on it, it'd probably be by guys who wanna sleep with me or something, so if there's something I wanna change about myself, I've come to the conclusion that I have to do it for me, and me only.

When I'm out with a friend, and say we're out to a bar or a club or something along those lines; I just see a bunch of "off limits" signs when I look at the people around me. Its like people have already got their own groups or don't look like they'd want me to approach them if our eyes meet. And when I try to think of something to say to a person who looks like they potentially might wanna talk to me, I have next to nothing to say at first. I don't have a lot of "passions" I guess, so it makes it hard. I have interests and things I like, but I'm not huge on sports (only a little into baseball), politics just tends to get people wanting to argue with you (unless they agree), so music and comedy are pretty much the only other "main interests" I have to rely on when meeting new people.

Ok, enough rambling, lol.

 

[kelthuzad]

For me, it's just not easy to just walk up and introduce myself and drum up an interesting conversation. It takes a lot of thinking for me, and sometimes almost "planning" out.

I have to do that too, quiet often. it's very difficult for me to think of good topics for conversation. i guess part of it is that people often tell you stories about things the see or do and my life is..quite ordinary i guess?

anyways, this "planning" thing turns into a sort of role playing game in my head..i'd try to think about what the other person might say and such

and @sadrabbit...i think not even that money/intelligence/stuff works anymore
i mean im doing ok moneywise, and im semi intelligent (or at least i have big fancy paperwork that says so), and its obviously not enough for people to take interest in me.

 

[Sanal]

kel you sexy beast

 

[fallen]

I feel like people just don't understand me. I feel like a total screw-up. I really don't think I belong on this Earth. I was a mistake. People all around me make me feel like I am. Everything I say is always the wrong answer. People don't want to listen to me. There is no one to talk to. I am all by my self. I have felt this way since I was six years old. I hurt badly. I need some love but people just hate me. Even if I don't even know them. I want to die!!!!!!!!!!!