HappyYogi
Well-known member
Hi Guys...
I wonder what you think of my new way of dealing with those who are not so warm to me or subtley reject me, etc.
Okay, in the past, especially when I was a young adult, I'd unconsciously seek approval from those who rejected me or were cold to me. In my mind, I guess I thought if I showed them I was nice enough, funny enough, interesting enough they would like me.
OR, from my spiritual teachings, I'd be really kind to them "killing them with kindness" thinking that if I were open and warm to them they would be to me.
Now I think the being kind no matter what is the highest way to be but it would leave me feeling more insecure than ever.
So finally, now in my late 40s, I've decided to simply "mirror" them. I've decided to never give more than I receive and never try to get any more from a person who isn't open to me. If a person isn't open to me or isn't particularly warm or friendly, I am the same way back. No wondering why, no asking myself what I can do better...I just quietly give them the message that I don't give to those who aren't kind to me.
I have found this to be a more practical way of integrating with the world. I have noticed that it gains you more respect. Most of the world does not respect someone who keeps trying with someone who rejects them. But they respect you if you withhold and do not give more than you are given to!
So now I do this. Those who are not particularly kind to me I blow off or ignore or simply do not smile much at them. I am always decent and I may smile and be polite but I don't make more time for them than they make for me.
I notice I feel healthier being this way. No pie in the sky thinking that others will understand and love me if I am loving anyways...they actually respect me more for holding back! And I think it makes them value me more.
I got this principal from dating stuff...they advice to always "lean back" with men to see if the men will step up for you. If they don't they don't really care about you. If they do you know they like you.
Same with "friends". People who want to be your friend will treat you nicely. People who don't value you won't. While you can forgive them and wish them love secretly, you should not give more to the people who don't care about you. You should "lean back" and go on with your life.
What do you think?
I wonder what you think of my new way of dealing with those who are not so warm to me or subtley reject me, etc.
Okay, in the past, especially when I was a young adult, I'd unconsciously seek approval from those who rejected me or were cold to me. In my mind, I guess I thought if I showed them I was nice enough, funny enough, interesting enough they would like me.
OR, from my spiritual teachings, I'd be really kind to them "killing them with kindness" thinking that if I were open and warm to them they would be to me.
Now I think the being kind no matter what is the highest way to be but it would leave me feeling more insecure than ever.
So finally, now in my late 40s, I've decided to simply "mirror" them. I've decided to never give more than I receive and never try to get any more from a person who isn't open to me. If a person isn't open to me or isn't particularly warm or friendly, I am the same way back. No wondering why, no asking myself what I can do better...I just quietly give them the message that I don't give to those who aren't kind to me.
I have found this to be a more practical way of integrating with the world. I have noticed that it gains you more respect. Most of the world does not respect someone who keeps trying with someone who rejects them. But they respect you if you withhold and do not give more than you are given to!
So now I do this. Those who are not particularly kind to me I blow off or ignore or simply do not smile much at them. I am always decent and I may smile and be polite but I don't make more time for them than they make for me.
I notice I feel healthier being this way. No pie in the sky thinking that others will understand and love me if I am loving anyways...they actually respect me more for holding back! And I think it makes them value me more.
I got this principal from dating stuff...they advice to always "lean back" with men to see if the men will step up for you. If they don't they don't really care about you. If they do you know they like you.
Same with "friends". People who want to be your friend will treat you nicely. People who don't value you won't. While you can forgive them and wish them love secretly, you should not give more to the people who don't care about you. You should "lean back" and go on with your life.
What do you think?