My silly painful dilemma

[JustJones]

I apologize for the long story but here goes......

ok, I'll start by telling you that i'm 25 and have never had a girlfriend
A couple of years ago I got sick of being depressed from liking girls that didn't like me back and somehow I managed to block it all out. I don't know how I did it but somehow I completely repressed my feelings about women and for those two years I felt content and relatively happy.
Recently, I met a wonderful Korean girl at uni. I found everything about her completely mesmerizing and after talking to her a few times I couldn't help but fall in love with her. She brought back all those wonderful feelings I had forgotten about and I felt fantastic!
Anyway, I asked her if she would join me for some lunch (something i've never had the balls to do before) and she agreed to! (not a date or anything tho)
We were having a really nice conversation and then she told me she had a, wait for it..........a boyfriend I can't remember why but I was pretty sure that she didn't. otherwise I wouldn't have fallen in love with her in the first place.
This totally crushed me. The thought that some guys got their hands on the thing I cherish most in the world. It makes me simultaneously upset, angry, frustrated and just **** depressed and it feels like my whole worlds been set ablaze. I even saw photos of them together on facebook and that made it even worse.
Now all those other feelings, the ones which made me repress it all in the first places are back and I just want to turn back time and choose to never meet her.
I feel bad also, because if she knew that she was causing someone this amount of grief, she would be heartbroken. She's such a nice person.

So does anyone have any advice for someone in my position? or have you had a similar situation?
I don't think I have the strength in me to repress it all again and now I've met her I feel like i'll never meet anyone with a soul as beautiful as hers again and I'm going to live out the rest of my life never knowing what it's like to be loved by anyone other than my family.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well its like a hitting a hole in 1 if you're playing golf.

I got turned down by three women within the past couple of months...after being single again.
The rejections feels not so good but it didn't killed me...my emotions arn't me. I processed it and let it go.
It is what it is. I don't have to take ownership of it forever nor hold on to it forever...

I take it as a personal developement kind of deal. For me mostly it's becuase I'm able to open myself up
again and willing to love again. I'm actaully proud of myself for facing my fears..getting out of myself and
trying

Or i take it as...I'm getting closer to meeting someone that's right for me.

As lone as I have a willingness to move forward and stay open..I'll be alright.
She'll come into my life eventaully..No sweat. I don't worry about it..
Just putting one foot in front of the other moving forward.

That's what relationship is mostly anyway...personal developements.. Our partners will put us through
the acid test on a good day.. A relationship is a journey.

Dating is a journey in itself...whatever i learn through this process will also help me when I get into
a relationship.

My soul is as beautiful as any hawt babe out there..
I'm as beautiful as any single women out there.

Why am i like this ?
Well....Jenni died. She was the most beautiful person I've met in my life inside and out.
yeah to cherish someone...That's what i used to tell jenni all the time...i cherish her.
So whatever it is i go through is beautiful now...i don't take life for granted anymore.
I experince life for whatever it is...pains , rejections, fears, luaghters, fun, joy, loniness, friendship, flriting with girls..,etc
I guess I'm starting to cherish myself too.

Well, another thing is...no matter how repressed or depressed I feel..Jenni ain't coming back.
Jenni's death rip me apart...yet it open my eyes in a wierd beautiful kind of way.
Even in her death she's beautiful. No one can ever replace her.

That's okay...my next gf is beautiful too.

 

[JustJones]

Thanks Lonesome Crow, thats very encouraging. Actually, there's a part of me that likes the fact that all these feelings have come flooding back, but at the same time, I can't help but feel totally overwhelmed by it

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Thanks Lonesome Crow, thats very encouraging. Actually, there's a part of me that likes the fact that all these feelings have come flooding back, but at the same time, I can't help but feel totally overwhelmed by it

yeah...it's okay. I felt like that too..when i started talking to girls
and opening up myself again...You'll be okay.

Just let it go through you..it'll stabalize in a bit.

 

[wadokai]

Hey Jones,

I've felt as you have. In fact, since entering uni, almost every girl i've crushed on has been taken. It's really demoralizing. It's almost like a curse...well at least thats how i feel about it. But I'm glad you were strong enough to at least ask her for lunch.

It sucks that she's got a bf, but hey you could still be friends. Good people are hard to come by and if she is a really nice person you should still be friends with her.

I understand your pain though. But like Crow said, try to move forward. I wish you the best of luck!