Hello fellow lonely people. I know it all too well.
It has been a while since I've been on this forum.
Anyways, I come here again, need some help and advice, during a difficult time. Preferably from females, as I think they would provide better advice, be better in tune and better understand the situation. I'm very confused on what to do. From my male standpoint.
Sorry in advance for the long post...
Here is the issue:
I met a girl from an online dating site. And we ended up making a really good and mutual connection, and mutual like for one another. That is something that I found to be extremely rare and hard to find, especially from a dating site. We talked a lot through email. Then through chats for hours. And through a few live sessions. We shared interests and feelings. I've told her things I've never told anyone before. Things I thought I'd never tell anyone before. It was a wonderful feeling, and it went on for almost 2 months. One big problem however was that we are a fair distance apart. Not too incredibly far though, it would be about a 4-5 hour drive away, but unfortunately neither of us have a car.
Some of the things I shared with her and told her, I think were risky... But I had to tell and share those things in order for her to truly understand me. It really was not anything bad, just things that most "normal" people would not understand and could take the wrong way. But I felt that she could understand. I told her such things like that I have been alone for a LONG time. And that I have felt very lonely. And that I had a pretty traumatic experience with a girl in the past that was somewhat psychopathic. Actually a very strange and complex story. She told me she was okay with all this, and felt sorry and angry for me that it had happened to me. She also told me a couple of very personal things prior to that as well.
However, about a week or so later, our emails and chats began to become shorter and fewer. I started getting the feeling that she stopped liking me as much. She said that she has been very busy, and stressful things were happening in her life. She apologized, saying it was not me, nothing to do with me, I did nothing wrong. I tried to be understanding and accepting of it, even though I missed her. Our communications slowly diminished further.
Asked her again about it, she also confessed that her ex-boyfriend contacted her, says he still loves her. She was with him for 5 years she tells me. Broken up for 1 year before we started chatting.
I'm afraid to ask her more about that, as I feel it could mean the end between us. That is something I don't think I could handle. Being alone for so long, it is painful, and it can encompass you in darkness...
Especially when you get a taste for something like this and then go back to that lonely life yet again...
But she did tell me she still wanted to chat with me, but has been busy and going through life changes and has lots on her mind.
After about 2 weeks of not having a chat session, due to her getting sick and being very busy, we got into a chat session last night.
I told her in an email that I've been depressed, asked how are things going on for you, is there anything I can do to help what you are going through, and that I miss her, would like to chat again, and that I am confused, etc.
As I expected, that chat didn't last too long. She told me she was tired from work, but apologized for her strange actions. And said it was nothing that I did. She told me she feels that she owes to explain her actions of not being as communicative now but it is awkward to tell me. I asked her does it have to do with me, and she said no. I told her, if it will make you feel awkward, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. Unless it is something that I need to know, and that I will leave it up to her, to tell me if she wants to, no pressure. And lastly that I will give her the time and space she needs right now. She also admitted that she does in fact feel pressured to talk to me right then, after I asked her if she felt that way. : (
So we parted.
But I fear, that this could be the end...
Trying to get rid of me in as nice of a way as possible?
I feel regrets because I actually feel that I love her, but I never have actually said so. I feel that would be too intense and uncomfortable to say, because of the distance thing, and as I've only really talked to her online... I've also considered that maybe I should have asked her to "be my girlfriend" or something like that, and maybe that was expected of me and waited of me to do so? (I've heard of other people that have made a "relationship" that was internet and long distance). But I never did so, because of the distance thing, and I feel like that would just be too weird, and unnecessarily intense.
And I also wanted her to know that I was thinking of traveling the distance just to see & visit her.
And that I hope this is not good-bye between us...
Would telling her any of these things be a BAD idea now???
I'm torn between the best thing to do:
- Let things go and let her have her time and space that she needs. And try to play things "cool". This is what I am leaning on what I feel is best.
- Or, take action now and say how I feel, full out or on a lesser & safer scale, instead of being silent, before it could be too late?
I'm confused. And I sure as hell don't have much experience with this stuff at all.
Thanks for reading and any replies.
It has been a while since I've been on this forum.
Anyways, I come here again, need some help and advice, during a difficult time. Preferably from females, as I think they would provide better advice, be better in tune and better understand the situation. I'm very confused on what to do. From my male standpoint.
Sorry in advance for the long post...
Here is the issue:
I met a girl from an online dating site. And we ended up making a really good and mutual connection, and mutual like for one another. That is something that I found to be extremely rare and hard to find, especially from a dating site. We talked a lot through email. Then through chats for hours. And through a few live sessions. We shared interests and feelings. I've told her things I've never told anyone before. Things I thought I'd never tell anyone before. It was a wonderful feeling, and it went on for almost 2 months. One big problem however was that we are a fair distance apart. Not too incredibly far though, it would be about a 4-5 hour drive away, but unfortunately neither of us have a car.
Some of the things I shared with her and told her, I think were risky... But I had to tell and share those things in order for her to truly understand me. It really was not anything bad, just things that most "normal" people would not understand and could take the wrong way. But I felt that she could understand. I told her such things like that I have been alone for a LONG time. And that I have felt very lonely. And that I had a pretty traumatic experience with a girl in the past that was somewhat psychopathic. Actually a very strange and complex story. She told me she was okay with all this, and felt sorry and angry for me that it had happened to me. She also told me a couple of very personal things prior to that as well.
However, about a week or so later, our emails and chats began to become shorter and fewer. I started getting the feeling that she stopped liking me as much. She said that she has been very busy, and stressful things were happening in her life. She apologized, saying it was not me, nothing to do with me, I did nothing wrong. I tried to be understanding and accepting of it, even though I missed her. Our communications slowly diminished further.
Asked her again about it, she also confessed that her ex-boyfriend contacted her, says he still loves her. She was with him for 5 years she tells me. Broken up for 1 year before we started chatting.
I'm afraid to ask her more about that, as I feel it could mean the end between us. That is something I don't think I could handle. Being alone for so long, it is painful, and it can encompass you in darkness...
Especially when you get a taste for something like this and then go back to that lonely life yet again...
But she did tell me she still wanted to chat with me, but has been busy and going through life changes and has lots on her mind.
After about 2 weeks of not having a chat session, due to her getting sick and being very busy, we got into a chat session last night.
I told her in an email that I've been depressed, asked how are things going on for you, is there anything I can do to help what you are going through, and that I miss her, would like to chat again, and that I am confused, etc.
As I expected, that chat didn't last too long. She told me she was tired from work, but apologized for her strange actions. And said it was nothing that I did. She told me she feels that she owes to explain her actions of not being as communicative now but it is awkward to tell me. I asked her does it have to do with me, and she said no. I told her, if it will make you feel awkward, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. Unless it is something that I need to know, and that I will leave it up to her, to tell me if she wants to, no pressure. And lastly that I will give her the time and space she needs right now. She also admitted that she does in fact feel pressured to talk to me right then, after I asked her if she felt that way. : (
So we parted.
But I fear, that this could be the end...
Trying to get rid of me in as nice of a way as possible?
I feel regrets because I actually feel that I love her, but I never have actually said so. I feel that would be too intense and uncomfortable to say, because of the distance thing, and as I've only really talked to her online... I've also considered that maybe I should have asked her to "be my girlfriend" or something like that, and maybe that was expected of me and waited of me to do so? (I've heard of other people that have made a "relationship" that was internet and long distance). But I never did so, because of the distance thing, and I feel like that would just be too weird, and unnecessarily intense.
And I also wanted her to know that I was thinking of traveling the distance just to see & visit her.
And that I hope this is not good-bye between us...
Would telling her any of these things be a BAD idea now???
I'm torn between the best thing to do:
- Let things go and let her have her time and space that she needs. And try to play things "cool". This is what I am leaning on what I feel is best.
- Or, take action now and say how I feel, full out or on a lesser & safer scale, instead of being silent, before it could be too late?
I'm confused. And I sure as hell don't have much experience with this stuff at all.
Thanks for reading and any replies.