New Friend Is Ignoring Me

[Lost Soul]

I made a friend last night I think, and we chatted on WLM (MSN) and after I sent her my link to my website about my life with Asperger's, she didn't say much and now she is ignoring me. That was since last night.

 

[Lanlan]

She might be just busy! Or she might just have no understanding about aspergers. Give her time to read about it. Maybe she has a lot going on in her life and can't cope with thinking about making a friend with aspergers, some peoples' lives are already complicated and are just looking for simple friendships if they have a lot of problems of their own. Please don't take it personally.

 

[Lost Soul]

Well, she finally spoke and said she was somewhere for cake which I find off becuase she didn't say anything since last night, so maybe she just left her WLM on.

I think I was annoying her, I really need social skills

 

[Treehere]

I'll be honest here Lost Soul, no matter how you feel about it, people do tend to get put off if you directly tell them that you have aspergers or that you are autistic.

It's like if I, meeting a new friend for the first time, went directly and told them something personal about myself and then linked them directly to a wikipedia page where I expected them to read through and suddenly understand. People have their limits - I myself would be put off by it and I'm very knowledgeable about autism.

Next time you meet someone online, how about avoiding the aspergers thing all together? Talk about your interests, what you're up to at the moment and try to find some common ground. Once you've built a relationship then you can try talking about it.

 

[Lanlan]

'and said she was someone for cake'

I don't know what that means but I know that cake is a good thing!

How far down the aspergers/autism spectrum are you, out of interest if you don't mind saying?

 

[Lost Soul]

'and said she was someone for cake'

I don't know what that means but I knoiw that cake is a good thing!

How far down the aspergers/autism spectrum are you, out of interest if you don't mind saying?

I'm not sure, I guess I'm the same like everyone else with Aspergers but I'm different then most of them so I might be a little further up the scale then most people with Asperger's, but I could be wrong.

 

[Lanlan]

You have the 'benefit' of knowing you're different I guess.

I'ts not your fault people don't understand you, equally it's not their fault. Do you know anyone else with aspergers or are there any groups near you? It might help to speak to other people who feel like you do.

 

[csmswhs]

I'll be honest here Lost Soul, no matter how you feel about it, people do tend to get put off if you directly tell them that you have aspergers or that you are autistic.

It's like if I, meeting a new friend for the first time, went directly and told them something personal about myself and then linked them directly to a wikipedia page where I expected them to read through and suddenly understand. People have their limits - I myself would be put off by it and I'm very knowledgeable about autism.

Next time you meet someone online, how about avoiding the aspergers thing all together? Talk about your interests, what you're up to at the moment and try to find some common ground. Once you've built a relationship then you can try talking about it.

i'm not put off about it at all, to be honest, and trust me, i'm not just saying this either, i'm put off by people like you.

 

[Lost Soul]

No, I know no one else. There is the Provincial Autism Center but it's mainly a resource library, they only have gathering every so often.

 

[Lanlan]

'One of these days I'm probably going to bash my own head in with a baseball bet becuase I feel so stupid and helpless. '

Now that would be stupid! I'm sorry I have no idea how to format on here as I'm new so I'd love to know how to emphasise something or quote something.

I know a few people with aspergers and I really think it's surprisingly common so I'm betting if you really investigate you can find some people with it near you. It might be good to socialise with people who come up against the same problems and prejudices. You're not a bad personn just because of aspergers, but it may make people without apspergers find it hard to relate to you. It's alll a learning curve just try and make it easy for yourself by meeting people with the same hassles and don't expect people without aspergers to react to you how you would.

Best of luck anyhow.

 

[shells]

I'll be honest here Lost Soul, no matter how you feel about it, people do tend to get put off if you directly tell them that you have aspergers or that you are autistic.

It's like if I, meeting a new friend for the first time, went directly and told them something personal about myself and then linked them directly to a wikipedia page where I expected them to read through and suddenly understand. People have their limits - I myself would be put off by it and I'm very knowledgeable about autism.

Next time you meet someone online, how about avoiding the aspergers thing all together? Talk about your interests, what you're up to at the moment and try to find some common ground. Once you've built a relationship then you can try talking about it.

Good advice.

 

[Lanlan]

It's hard though because on the other hand you want to be honest with people, and also you don't want shallow people who are happy to be your mate until they find out you're a bit different and they drop you. In some ways I think maybe it's better to be upfront and then you know if someone carries on being your friend it's for all the right reasons. I understand what you're saying, Treehere, but I think sod the people that can't cope with the thought of aspergers, people should take you as you are or they're not really friend material.

 

[Lost Soul]

But then I lose one step. You see, when I talk to people, I usually have steps that build up a conversation. I'm not sure how to explain it. If I don't mention that I have the asperger's, that I wouldn't know what else to say, they can see I'm awkward and will be wondering why and will mistake me for just another freak.

I can't help the way I act and I really, really lack social skills in for the most part so I'm totally lost. I act goffy a lot and I automatically expect the other person to know what I'm doing and the understand. That's a big problem with me. I once met someone on my street online and her boyfriend threaten me becuase I was talking to her like I known her for ages but I only met her that night. He threaten to beat me up if I ever talked to her again. So I didn't.

At the time, I didn't know I had asperger's so I didn't have much explaining to do. But at least now I have an extra step.

---

I think it's a good thing to know as much about someone the sooner the better. When I meet someone, online I look at their profile and check out their webpage soI can learn as much as I can about them.

 

[Lanlan]

That's hard. My neighbour has aspergers and his social skills are rubbish, he's often getting himself into trouble as he says things that other people think are out of order. That's why I think finding other like-minded people might be good.

 

[Lost Soul]

Finding people like me is as hard as making friends, I have searched the Net and everywhere and can't find any, found a handful that is similar. Maybe I'm unique, that's bad.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'll be honest here Lost Soul, no matter how you feel about it, people do tend to get put off if you directly tell them that you have aspergers or that you are autistic.

It's like if I, meeting a new friend for the first time, went directly and told them something personal about myself and then linked them directly to a wikipedia page where I expected them to read through and suddenly understand. People have their limits - I myself would be put off by it and I'm very knowledgeable about autism.

Next time you meet someone online, how about avoiding the aspergers thing all together? Talk about your interests, what you're up to at the moment and try to find some common ground. Once you've built a relationship then you can try talking about it.

I understand and agree with this completely. Basically, it's about not shoving your life's book into someone's face the SECOND you meet them. Get to know someone first, then you can get a little more close. Unless it was a conversation that had you talking to someone in the first place, then it doesn't really need to be said.

You seem to be consumed with not just having autism, but making sure people know that you do. You seem very adamant about making absolutely sure everyone knows. We all have conditions and issues, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to know right away.

 

[Treehere]

@ csmswhs and lanlan

I understand; it is not a condition I put off by at all and it is something I will gladly have in a person. However if I met someone who blantly told it outright and then gave me a page about it, I would be put off, not for the fact that I don't like autism/aspergers, but for the fact of 'isn't that a little too much information about yourself for a first meeting, i understand, but can't we get back to what we were talking about before, it was really fun! : ('.

I have friends who are autistic. However it is something I have either noticed myself, they have told me after a few weeks of knowing them or if they have to explain something to me. I don't like to think of Autism as a personality trait after all. A person is a person and I prefer to know them, laugh with them and get to know them better myself, instead of been given a page to read about them. They are lovely people who don't let autism get in the way of smiling. : )

I just want to make clear especially that I don't have a problem with autism in the slightest. I am simply giving Lost Soul some all around advice which is talk to the person, not about yourself and your problems but about what interests you and build it from there.

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@ Lost Soul

It sounds like you're stressing out when you meet new people. I'm sure the other person doesn't think you're being awkward on the other end at all. I bet they like the goofy part of you : ) Simply relax and do what I do. Listen to the person speak and get to know their interests.

You sound like a lovely person to be honest who shouldn't be stressed out when talking to people. Simply go with the flow and you'll be surprised how easy it is : )

 

[csmswhs]

hi tree, i apologize for what i said. its just that i truly wouldn't be put off by someone saying that to me, call me odd, but i wouldn't myself anyways. no big deal to me. as long as they seemed like a nice person, i'd assume there was a reason for it. and i'd try to learn and understand why if i didn't allready figure it out myself. isn't that what a true friend should act like anyway?

apparently this person is someone who is very concerned with their autism, and it is bothering them. and feels it is important for people to know upfront. i suppose true friends should not only be there when someone is up but down also?

i have things about myself, that i sware, if i had it all up front with the world first, they would understand me better, and less time would be wasted etc..

i understand your point tho, and i still pretty much disagree with you, but i do think your a nice person, and i do apologize for the way i replied to you. i make mistakes! alot

hope you are well

 

[sadface]

You can't force someone to be your friend.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Yup. True.