Nice Guys Finish Last?

[blackdot]

...

I'm sorry to offend you.

I just felt like posting it because I knew it was a topic that pops up on here from time to time because it happens to be true. I didn't even create a new thread on it. Then I see it come up on CNN and find other people here at work that agreed.

Yes, I should have said most women and not made it sound like it was all women.

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For what it's worth, nice to me is defined as a guy who isn't a selfish, arrogant a-hole. I've always fallen for the "nice" guy over the tool because I want an honest man who isn't afraid of being himself. Any guy who thinks that women are attracted to men who are mean/ignore/abuse them needs to do some self-assessment. You are defining yourself as "nice"...but maybe you aren't as "nice" as you think you are.

I'm not defining myself as nice. I'm going by what others tell me I am.
I'm unfortunately honest which most people are not fond of. Most people want someone that will just agree with everything they say.
I've actually had multiple women tell me they won't date me because I am not mean and abusive. They have told me that they are too used to those types of guys that they can't handle the idea of dating someone who is actually nice.

 

[Ymir]

Aaaah, CNN.

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I've actually had multiple women tell me they won't date me because I am not mean and abusive. They have told me that they are too used to those types of guys that they can't handle the idea of dating someone who is actually nice.

Or maybe they are not attracted to you and just want a way out. Don't trust what people say when they reject you. I try to be as diplomatic as possible and almost never what I say matches what I'm really thinking.

 

[stork_error]

People are attracted to whatever their comfort zone is. If they grew up with negligent parents they seek out negligent mates… unless they are aware of this dysfunction and have worked though it.

 

[blackdot]

Or maybe they are not attracted to you and just want a way out. Don't trust what people say when they reject you. I try to be as diplomatic as possible and almost never what I say matches what I'm really thinking.

In at least one of the cases, I know the female actually said what she meant and wasn't trying to find a way to turn me down.

Personally I wish women would just say what they think. If they think I'm an ugly ogre, then say it and quit calling me cute and nice! ha ha ha!

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I'm someone who can't/wont deal with bullshit, I'm honest & I expect honesty in return.

I can only speak for myself but I'm not attracted to someone that's putting on an act, not being afraid to be who you are is extremely attractive to me.

No game playing-unless it's funtimes in the bedroom!

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've actually had multiple women tell me they won't date me because I am not mean and abusive. They have told me that they are too used to those types of guys that they can't handle the idea of dating someone who is actually nice.

You really should ignore people who spout stupid comments such as that. They were either LYING or in serious need of mental health care.
Either way, you should know that those aren't comments you should ever take seriously.

 

[ardour]

Many women claim to like decent, considerate men, then you meet their boyfriends who are anything but...

That arrogant act requires you to be attractive to begin with. Being overconfident when you're an "ogre" results in more contempt being thrown your way. So I guess we're "stuck" with being nice, which is fine by me since it's not in my nature to be nasty to most people.

 

[Case]

I've actually had multiple women tell me they won't date me because I am not mean and abusive. They have told me that they are too used to those types of guys that they can't handle the idea of dating someone who is actually nice.

My life philosophy is a variation of "Don't be a jerk." If that means people label me as "nice," that's perfectly fine by me. I'd rather be nice than be a jerk every single time.

If a woman told me that she didn't date guys who were nice, I'd be happy that I avoided a colossal waste of my time because I wouldn't want to date her either.

 

[ardour]

My life philosophy is a variation of "Don't be a jerk."

Same here, I'd rather be alone and not have to live with it.

 

[kamya]

Weak guys finish last.

 

[ardour]

Most of what there is to say has been said, but one other thing is that it raises women’s suspicions about you – you’re only being nice because you want something ie. being weazily, wimpy instead of making it plain. Whereas the truth is that some of us don’t necessarily want anything but don't enjoy being arrogant and overbearing either.

 

[Minty]

Hi there, I'm kind of new to the online world of friendships so can't really say how easy it is for me to make friends online but in the 'real world', I find it difficult to connect to people. I have very few actual friends and actually, I don't live in my own Country and can honestly say that I only have one friend here. Plenty of acquaintances though, but that kind of relationship just isn't fulfilling at all.

As for nice guys finishing last, well I am not a guy, but I have always preferred the nice guys, but they seem to prefer the bad girls!

 

[Rosebolt]

Hello Minty, welcome to the forum!

You mean you moved to another country or are you somewhere else for studies or work?

And on topic, i personally really hate the term nice guy. The way i see it used just disgusts me. Kamya said it well. If all you do is shout i'm a nice guy and subsequently abuse everyone around you, you're doing it very wrong.

 

[Minty]

Hi there and thanks for the welcome I'm British and moved to Southern Europe for work a few years ago.

I understand what you're saying. Generally, people are more inclined to be nice I think so coining a man a'nice guy' is almost like saying it's a rare phenomenon, which I don't believe it is but for some reason alot of people do actually believe that to be the case.

Meh, what do I know...I'm rubbish when it comes to men! haha

 

[Rosebolt]

You have more faith in humanity than i do. I think people are generally nice on the surface, but not in their heart.

I'm rubbish with women, so you're not alone there.

 

[paulo]

Being nice is not something you do it`s something you are.

If it`s just who you are, than there is no race and there is no finish.
It`s just you being you.

 

[Case]

Being nice is not something you do it`s something you are.

If it`s just who you are, than there is no race and there is no finish.
It`s just you being you.

^^^This. I never have to think about being nice. In the overwhelming majority of my human interactions, I am nice to others and others are nice to me. For that, I am grateful. But sometimes, even though I'm nice to someone, they won't be nice to me at all, and guess what? It doesn't stop me from being pleasant, helpful, and kind to the next person. If someone doesn't appreciate my personality, then I won't be their friend. Simple as that.

Kindness is ingrained in my personality from my parents. I'm also a kind person because I feel that it's the right thing to do, and it provides me the most drama-free life. If someone thinks I have some evil, hidden agenda just because I have a kind streak, I can't be bothered by such nonsense, and it doesn't make me want to be anything other than who I am.

 

[Walley]

I always thought the term "nice guys finish last" was about sex!
and when they do.. it is appreciated =)

 

[Mistborn10]

The one girl that I've dated told me her friends told her they thought it was weird that we never fought. I don't like to argue with people and I think some people enjoy arguing and fighting to create some drama. I have been told by women I'm too nice and I agree with them, haha.

 

[Badjedidude]

I always thought the term "nice guys finish last" was about sex!

gHaha like jizzs!