not sure if its appropriate

[DisturbedHell]

Hi
I am not sure if it is appropriate but i just want to ask.

i am a 25 year old women suffering from andreogenetic alopecia..

i was a previous user on this forum http://www.heralopecia.com/interact/

i have been suffering from andrgenetic alopecia since young there was an instance when i was talking a a friend she is beautiful, full head of thick hair and has a rich boyfriend lots of guys going after her, her boyfriend is veryn nice to her. while me sad miserable and lonely at home suffering from a botched plastic surgery + androgenetic alopecia + jobless and friendless and single and miserable.

there was once she said it is just hair only it is not as if you had been raped.. tbh i rather be raped than lose my hair.. How many of the people out there would understand how i am feeling??

And i do not know why something triggered in me, i hated raped victims from then on i do not know why...

these is how i wrote and i was banned but what i meant i was expressing how i feel only... i mean i am there miserable and losing my hair you do not have to make such statements like that right? i mean that friend of mine, why did she have to say that?


i was banned on that forum...

this is how i was banned

You have been banned for the following reason:
posts not conducive to Terms of service policy of maintaining a supportive helpful environment

Date the ban will be lifted: Never

PS: If there is anything to be done, please advice instead of banning me.. staying at home all day long because of a botched surgery and losing your hair makes you mad while you get older and older and still miserable and single

 

[ardour]

You shouldn't compare what you've gone through to rape. That isn't appropriate, nor is it necessary to get your feelings across.

I'm a balding guy, I know it's much worse for women, but it did start at 14 so I can sympathise.

edit: hating rape victims cause she thinks she has it worse... that's crazy and horrible.

 

[Locke]

You're asking if people here think the ban was appropriate?

In my opinion, making a comment about hating rape victims deserves at least a temporary ban. That was just a terrible thing to say. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, one of six women has experienced an attempted or completed rape, and that's just in the US. You have to think about how those 1 out of every 6 women feel. You likely angered a lot of people with your comment.

 

[DisturbedHell]

i know but my friend should not have said that to me right? this was what i was trying to say...
she should have not said it is just hair not as if you have been raped
she could have said something else.. this was what i was trying to say but my hair matters a lot i am feeling suicidal over my hair does she have to bring rape in to anger me more..

---

this is what i am trying to say my friend started it first but now it looks like i am the criminal..

---

You shouldn't compare what you've gone through to rape. That isn't appropriate, nor is it necessary to get your feelings across.

I'm a balding guy, I know it's much worse for women, but it did start at 14 so I know how it can destroy self-esteem.

edit: hating rape victims cause she thinks she has it worse... that's crazy and horrible.

it is horrible to lose your hair for a woman..
when you are at home and you can think of your hair you go crazy
i can kill myself anytime because of my hair loss i stay at home not wanting to go out. i do not care about life anymore

---

You're asking if people here think the ban was appropriate?

In my opinion, making a comment about hating rape victims deserves at least a temporary ban. That was just a terrible thing to say. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, one of six women has experienced an attempted or completed rape, and that's just in the US. You have to think about how those 1 out of every 6 women feel. You likely angered a lot of people with your comment.

did my friend not anger me with her statement then? try to think of countless women who lose their hair by saying that to me do i think i would feel better? NO.

---

 

[Locke]

Your friend was trying to tell you that it could be worse, and in her opinion, being a rape victim is worse. Maybe she's a rape victim, and hasn't told you about it? I doubt she was trying to hurt or anger you.

I'm sorry about your hair loss, it sounds like a very difficult thing to go through. If you're feeling suicidal, please look through the resources in this thread: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=3079

 

[DisturbedHell]

Your friend was trying to tell you that it could be worse, and in her opinion, being a rape victim is worse. Maybe she's a rape victim, and hasn't told you about it? I doubt she was trying to hurt or anger you.

I'm sorry about your hair loss, it sounds like a very difficult thing to go through. If you're feeling suicidal, please look through the resources in this thread: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=3079

i would rather get raped than lose my hair...
i hope my friend loses her hair i wish more girls in this world lose my hair the way i did to be honest.... i simply hope for more woman to lose their hair so they can understand what i feel instead

---

she is out clubbing and has dates compared to miserable and lonely me how can she say that about me? i really hope she loses her hair and get disfigured...

 

[1000lifetimes]

Hey disturbedhell

For what it's worth I don't think you should be banned, but I don't think you should hate rape victims either. I understand it was a comment made in anger and the comparison your friend made would seem (at the time) like someone saying "oh you broke your arm? Big deal!! That guy over there broke his leg...he can't even walk! I feel bad for him...but not you".

If someone said that to me when I broke my arm...I'd feel a bit bitter and angry about it...but I wouldn't hate the guy with the broken leg...(or in your case the rape victim)...I'd hate the person who trivialized my condition/struggle. Don't hate the victim...hate the victimizer.

Im Sorry you had to put up with your lucky friend, who married into money, adding insult to your painful injury, as well as the other insensitivity you've endured. Sometimes I think cruelty comes too naturally from this world...but for some reason nobody's angry about it.

 

[DisturbedHell]

Hey disturbedhell

For what it's worth I don't think you should be banned, but I don't think you should hate rape victims either. I understand it was a comment made in anger and the comparison your friend made would seem (at the time) like someone saying "oh you broke your arm? Big deal!! That guy over there broke his leg...he can't even walk! I feel bad for him...but not you".

If someone said that to me when I broke my arm...I'd feel a bit bitter and angry about it...but I wouldn't hate the guy with the broken leg...(or in your case the rape victim)...I'd hate the person who trivialized my condition/struggle. Don't hate the victim...hate the victimizer.

Im Sorry you had to put up with your lucky friend, who married into money, adding insult to your painful injury, as well as the other insensitivity you've endured. Sometimes I think cruelty comes too naturally from this world...but for some reason nobody's angry about it.

This was the answer i was looking for...
instead of putting craps loads like what not being condusive etc. i amt a direct person.. lots of women like to put up a false front about things..
then later come cry about it i prefer to just deal with the problem...

same here when it comes to hair loss, they put up a false front saying its hair, appearance do not matter when their bf dumps them because they are bald the first person they come crying to in the forum is to scold that guy and complain why is society so mean when they were the one who wanted to be strong.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello disturbedhell, you sound so lonely, unhappy and angry and although saying that you hate rape victims is truly a terrible thing to say, at the same time I think it is more an expression of your own deep despair and self hatred rather than an expression of hatred towards those poor, poor women who have been raped.
I don't understand those people who say to someone who is deeply unhappy that other people have it worse. How is this supposed to make the unhappy person feel better? And when the speaker has so much going for herself as well, it rubs salt in the wound. Could your friend walk for one day in your shoes without feeling really lonely and unhappy? I doubt it.
To an extent I can understand what losing your hair is like as mine came out when I had chemotherapy back in 1995 and I was bald for almost six months. I know that my hair loss was only temporary so I was lucky in that respect compared to your situation, but at least I can identify with you in a small way and can understand why you feel so bad about losing your hair. Women are judged on their looks to a large extent by society.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I understand where you're coming from. It's all subjective really. But I really don't think it's very nice to wish upon others negativity just because you can't have what they do or that they are not understanding or grateful for what they have as compared to you. People don't have the same upbringing or same mind or thoughts as you... it's definitely not comparable at all.

Why wish someone to be disfigured or lose their hair just because you're feeling bitter about it? Let them be if they can't appreciate you or understand you.. or are mean to you.. then that is their own loss in life to be a better person. This negativity you think of others.. could just be one of the many reasons you have a hard time even accepting yourself.. despite what you dislike about your condition.

I don't know.. you may shoot me with hatred by me saying this but.. just my opinion. And I don't care. I'd rather lose my hair, and find a wig or do something to cover my head in a fashionable manner than be raped, hurt and abused... because that.. well, what if it emotionally and physically changed me.. made me go crazy.. how can I ever cover that up fashionably.. or with anything at all? I may not even be able to be myself. *shrugs*

Whatever honeysuckle I go through in life.. that's between life and me. People don't owe me anything.. I don't owe them anything.. in fact, even life doesn't owe me anything. You can't choose how you were born in this world, you can choose how you live in this world, though.. content, grateful and happy for whatever good you can find.. or miserable all the time.

Whatever it is.. I wouldn't wanna wish someone else negativity or to be hurting the way I have.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

You can always just wear wigs... My ex girl friend was always able to fool me with a wig, I couldn't ever tell it wasn't her real hair. She often shaved her head as well.

Sorry to hear about your botched plastic surgery...

 

[Sci-Fi]

That wasn't really nice what your friend did but maybe she felt that would help put things into prospective for you, not really understanding how your condition affects you. I understand why you got banned, though not a permanent ban unless you've had previous bans or warnings. Sometimes as a moderator you can only give someone so many chances before enough is enough. But if it was your first ban and you've never had any warnings before it does seem extreme. Everyone has their issues and things that depress them to the extent they sometimes think "I'd rather have X than what I'm going through" but in saying that you belittle what people who have gone through X, which in your case and statement X is rape. You need to understand that to someone who would have been raped they would probably rather have your condition than to have ever been raped.

 

[DisturbedHell]

i never had previous warnings. although i did mention about my suicidal feelings about my hair.. i really hope more girls lose their hair by all the posts your have commented. i really rather wish i got raped than to lose my hair. tbh i got raped and molested once but the agony was nowhere to losing my hair. your satisfied now?

i never had friends, never dated, never had a guy coming after me. was bullied throughout school. happy now?

tbh my rape was minor to all these agony i suffered...

satisfied?

---

Hello disturbedhell, you sound so lonely, unhappy and angry and although saying that you hate rape victims is truly a terrible thing to say, at the same time I think it is more an expression of your own deep despair and self hatred rather than an expression of hatred towards those poor, poor women who have been raped.
I don't understand those people who say to someone who is deeply unhappy that other people have it worse. How is this supposed to make the unhappy person feel better? And when the speaker has so much going for herself as well, it rubs salt in the wound. Could your friend walk for one day in your shoes without feeling really lonely and unhappy? I doubt it.
To an extent I can understand what losing your hair is like as mine came out when I had chemotherapy back in 1995 and I was bald for almost six months. I know that my hair loss was only temporary so I was lucky in that respect compared to your situation, but at least I can identify with you in a small way and can understand why you feel so bad about losing your hair. Women are judged on their looks to a large extent by society.

i hope my friend loses her hair, go one day and night without going to the salon to rebond her hair, get disfigured and grow fat she stays at home day and night depressed. without a life of shopping and clubbing. i really wish this days to some girls who have hurt me and what i will say to them..

" its just your looks and hair it is not as if you had been raped. Go wear a wig, or do something to cover your head in a fashionable manner than be raped, hurt and abused... because that.. well because rape will emotionally and physically change you.. made you go crazy.. how can you ever cover that up fashionably.. or with anything at all? You may not even be able to be myself."

i wish i can say that when you are on the verge of suicide because of your face and hair when nothing else matter. not even rape...

this it it. i am seriously sick.. i am sick how insensitive people can be.

 

[GraceBlossom]

Hi ,

I am not going to comment on the other stuff, I think that has been done enough. What I am curious about is how hating others, and what they have, is going to change the situation with your hair loss. Maybe it will make you think it will make you feel better, but it never will it will just make your pain worse.

Happiness can only come from within. I am not sure where you are, but have you heard of Gail Porter, if not just look her up and see how she handled hair loss. Why not wish for a cure or better treatments, than trying to inflict more pain into the world.

I hope you find a way to live and finished some happiness.

 

[DisturbedHell]

Hi ,

I am not going to comment on the other stuff, I think that has been done enough. What I am curious about is how hating others, and what they have, is going to change the situation with your hair loss. Maybe it will make you think it will make you feel better, but it never will it will just make your pain worse.

Happiness can only come from within. I am not sure where you are, but have you heard of Gail Porter, if not just look her up and see how she handled hair loss. Why not wish for a cure or better treatments, than trying to inflict more pain into the world.

I hope you find a way to live and finished some happiness.

i hope they will be in my situation so they will experience my pain instead of criticising me.

---

Ever been to north korea? the last i watched from a documentary some people there were waiting for war so they could die.

it is easy for people like us to say happiness comes from the heart. but when you are in their situation things would be different

 

[ladyforsaken]

i never had previous warnings. although i did mention about my suicidal feelings about my hair.. i really hope more girls lose their hair by all the posts your have commented. i really rather wish i got raped than to lose my hair. tbh i got raped and molested once but the agony was nowhere to losing my hair. your satisfied now?

i never had friends, never dated, never had a guy coming after me. was bullied throughout school. happy now?

tbh my rape was minor to all these agony i suffered...

satisfied?

---

Hello disturbedhell, you sound so lonely, unhappy and angry and although saying that you hate rape victims is truly a terrible thing to say, at the same time I think it is more an expression of your own deep despair and self hatred rather than an expression of hatred towards those poor, poor women who have been raped.
I don't understand those people who say to someone who is deeply unhappy that other people have it worse. How is this supposed to make the unhappy person feel better? And when the speaker has so much going for herself as well, it rubs salt in the wound. Could your friend walk for one day in your shoes without feeling really lonely and unhappy? I doubt it.
To an extent I can understand what losing your hair is like as mine came out when I had chemotherapy back in 1995 and I was bald for almost six months. I know that my hair loss was only temporary so I was lucky in that respect compared to your situation, but at least I can identify with you in a small way and can understand why you feel so bad about losing your hair. Women are judged on their looks to a large extent by society.

i hope my friend loses her hair, go one day and night without going to the salon to rebond her hair, get disfigured and grow fat she stays at home day and night depressed. without a life of shopping and clubbing. i really wish this days to some girls who have hurt me and what i will say to them..

" its just your looks and hair it is not as if you had been raped. Go wear a wig, or do something to cover your head in a fashionable manner than be raped, hurt and abused... because that.. well because rape will emotionally and physically change you.. made you go crazy.. how can you ever cover that up fashionably.. or with anything at all? You may not even be able to be myself."

i wish i can say that when you are on the verge of suicide because of your face and hair when nothing else matter. not even rape...

this it it. i am seriously sick.. i am sick how insensitive people can be.

---

You got your wish, girl. I AM losing my hair because I underwent treatment for cancer. By the way, I also lost my taste buds and I can't taste food and every time I eat, I feel sick and would throw it all up.

Oh, also, I guess I'm not really comfortable saying it was rape, but I guess, sexually abused?... yeah I was there. Not to mention the emotional, physical and psychological abuse that came along with it as well.

Bully in the childhood, sure, throw that in too.

But hey, was that other innocent people's fault that I had such a life?

For the record, I wasn't being insensitive because I've been through it too, and going through it still at the moment (with your whole business about wanting girls to lose hair just to know how it feels like).

So YOU happy now? I was on the verge of suicide during the whole period I underwent multiple abuse. But I would NEVER wish anyone to go through what I did no matter how mean they are. Because it was painful and heartbreaking.

Can't believe someone would actually find pleasure or satisfaction in my pain and agony. I guess that makes you, one of them girls who were mean to you. You're no better, DisturbedHell. At least, I know I'm not like you and them.

I'm done with this.

 

[GraceBlossom]

Hi ,

I am not going to comment on the other stuff, I think that has been done enough. What I am curious about is how hating others, and what they have, is going to change the situation with your hair loss. Maybe it will make you think it will make you feel better, but it never will it will just make your pain worse.

Happiness can only come from within. I am not sure where you are, but have you heard of Gail Porter, if not just look her up and see how she handled hair loss. Why not wish for a cure or better treatments, than trying to inflict more pain into the world.

I hope you find a way to live and finished some happiness.

i hope they will be in my situation so they will experience my pain instead of criticising me.

---

Ever been to north korea? the last i watched from a documentary some people there were waiting for war so they could die.

it is easy for people like us to say happiness comes from the heart. but when you are in their situation things would be different

---

I see what you are saying about North Korea, but also take into account of people who have survived being Prisoners of War. So many of those, chose to be happy inside no matter what was happening, and that is what helped them win spiritually. Everyone has their own personal war, with where they are trying to find peace inside of themselves, wishing ill will on others just saps your strength. I sincerely hope you find a way to live with your war.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I suspect your biggest problem in life is not your hair, but your poor attitude. This is what's driving people away in a nut shell. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and improve your life, and stop wishing other people ill just because you don't have it so good. That's a heinous way to live, quite frankly, and a hundred times worse than losing your hair is a poisonous mind. You can improve your life, buy some wigs-check etsy for wigs there are a zillion of them. Buy some hats that help hide it. There are even chemo hats on there with real human hair hanging out the sides all around so it looks like a full head of hair. Stop wallowing in self pity and change your own fortune. I'm shocked you have one friend that will put up with that attitude, let alone any more. Therapy might help you as well, seek help if you're feeling suicidal. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and helps no one, especially not you. If you carry these bad feelings inside you all the time, you'll not find relief on the other side because no matter where you go, there you are. Wishing ill on someone else will rebound on you, karma comes back around. And millions of people out there have something a heck of a lot worse than hair loss. You're lucky and don't know it.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

All of us have challenges in life to overcome. You really don't KNOW the challenges that others around you are going through. You have one life to live. You can choose to make the best of it or fritter it away. Of course losing your hair is upsetting. But, it is what it is. And, spending a lifetime mourning that loss isn't going to change what it is. So, pick up the pieces and get on with your life. And, find other ways that make you feel good about yourself. Learn a new skill like cooking a great meal. Volunteer. Better yourself in other ways. And, whatever you can do to improve your physical appearance to satisfy yourself, do it. But our bodies are merely the shell of who we really are. You are not your hair and your hair is not your soul and spirit. A beautiful spirit trumps all.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Im sorry that you went through all that, but I think you lost much more than your hair. Like...maybe your humanity. To wish ill on someone, just because you suffer, well....I think you need to focus on YOU and getting some help for your mental/emotional suffering.