PsychoBilli
Well-known member
I stumbled across this site a couple weeks ago, but I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it. Probably because I haven't really looked at it that hard.
I wouldn't classify myself as lonely, though most other people I know probably would. I've always been one to wander off and do my own thing. I was the kid in school who would sit in the corner drawing or staring out the window. If other kids came along to join me I'd welcome them just fine, but I was never one to reach out.
Recently there were some people at work who seemed to be looking to get my attention, but they went about it in a manner that made me think they were mocking me. This persisted for nearly a year and a half, all the while my general attitude deteriorating. There were times in this period where women outside that group at work would flirt with me, and I'd simply be repulsed. I wanted nothing to do with anyone.
The mess with the people at work caused me to rage and a fume. I would try to ignore it and walk away, but they simply refused to be ignored. This ultimately culminated in me lashing out through a hostile e-mail. The person I lashed out at reported the letter to management and it ultimately cost me my job of 10 years. What I did went well beyond the line, and I'm lucky I wasn't charged with a felony. Eerily, I don't really care that I lost my job. The fact that I have to figure something out now is just a mild irritation. The fact that I don't have to put up with the crap from the people at work anymore is a relief.
Exploring what caused me to melt down as made me realize that my asocial attitude is probably the heart of the issue. I never tried to reason with or talk to these people. I just tried to ignore it and it got to me. There were plenty of opportunities where I could have spoken up and taken control, but anxiety made that seem impossible.
So that's where I'm at. I'm not sure if this is the place for me, or if continuing to lurk about the internet will only make it worse. However, I have some free time now, and if I don't find new things to do I'm going to go even more nuts than my screen name implies.
I wouldn't classify myself as lonely, though most other people I know probably would. I've always been one to wander off and do my own thing. I was the kid in school who would sit in the corner drawing or staring out the window. If other kids came along to join me I'd welcome them just fine, but I was never one to reach out.
Recently there were some people at work who seemed to be looking to get my attention, but they went about it in a manner that made me think they were mocking me. This persisted for nearly a year and a half, all the while my general attitude deteriorating. There were times in this period where women outside that group at work would flirt with me, and I'd simply be repulsed. I wanted nothing to do with anyone.
The mess with the people at work caused me to rage and a fume. I would try to ignore it and walk away, but they simply refused to be ignored. This ultimately culminated in me lashing out through a hostile e-mail. The person I lashed out at reported the letter to management and it ultimately cost me my job of 10 years. What I did went well beyond the line, and I'm lucky I wasn't charged with a felony. Eerily, I don't really care that I lost my job. The fact that I have to figure something out now is just a mild irritation. The fact that I don't have to put up with the crap from the people at work anymore is a relief.
Exploring what caused me to melt down as made me realize that my asocial attitude is probably the heart of the issue. I never tried to reason with or talk to these people. I just tried to ignore it and it got to me. There were plenty of opportunities where I could have spoken up and taken control, but anxiety made that seem impossible.
So that's where I'm at. I'm not sure if this is the place for me, or if continuing to lurk about the internet will only make it worse. However, I have some free time now, and if I don't find new things to do I'm going to go even more nuts than my screen name implies.
