Nothing to see here.

[blackdot]

I really want to say something but I can't think of anything to say.
I really want to do something but I don't know what it is I should do or how to do it.
I wish I could understand things but there is no way to figure things out.
I wish I had the answers but I can't even think of the questions.

I feel blah and numb. So tired. Tired of being tired.

Anyways, nothing to see here.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Hello blackdot,
I feel the same way sometimes, there's times where I have no idea what to say to people. I even try to think of interesting things to say sometimes and nothing seems to come out. Feel free to express more about this if you need too.

 

[blackdot]

Was just sitting at work this morning trying to avoid the conversations. One of the managers was down talking to people. They were talking about kids, ex wives/husbands, dating, cheating on loved ones... just things that I would have no input. Everyone was talking cause it's just a normal conversation to them. They have all experienced the stuff and I'm sitting there wanting to scream that not everyone is so happy about life.

I was eating lunch a little while ago and I was trying to think of how to describe how impossible it is to find someone to date. People tell me I just need to go out and get someone. As if there is a local store that sells a wife.
I think the best way to describe it would be ask them, "would you ever go up to someone that doesn't have legs but wishes they could walk and ask them 'have you ever thought about just standing up and walking around?'"

All my energy these days goes into just trying to find something to lie to myself about to keep my mind hoping for a brighter future but I also know that my time is running out very soon for that. Then I'll be left just "living" my life as a nobody. I really didn't want to be like one of the guys I went to college with but I'm seeing that as the only option.

Any time I do reach out to people that I know, they never listen.

 

[blackdot]

*sighs* I just accidentally stepped on a millipede while on break.

 

[blackdot]

[video=youtube]

 

[lonelyfairy]

Hang on there, you're not only one with those kind of feelings. Sometimes it's just good to live with the flow. Take care. :/

 

[blackdot]

oh, I know a lot about living with the flow. I've just come to the end of the flow and now I'm getting dumped out on my own.

 

[blackdot]

woke up at 11am today.
had more weird nightmares all night and stomach felt like crap.

 

[blackdot]

why can't it rain?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Come to Georgia - you can take our rain with you.
It's been raining here for weeks.

 

[blackdot]

they keep calling for it here in NC and it will cloud over but then never rain.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sorry you're still feeling like this. The rain usually depresses me.
Anytime it rains, I usually find myself taking a nap. The only time rain doesn't bother me is when it's thunderstorms.
Cause I find them interesting.

 

[blackdot]

I don't need the rain... my plants need the rain.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's normal to feel these feelings, but there are pluses to never having had those experiences as well.

1.) No kids - You have more time and money for yourself
2.) No spouse - You don't have arguments and drama and tears and fights
3.) No cheating on loved ones - Well, you're already better than those people, because someone who would do that is an *******.

Etc.

 

[blackdot]

I want a kid though. I want to spend time with it.
I want a spouse though. Drama is better than just staring at the ceiling fan all day.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Get a puppy. You really don't sound like you would be ready to be a father.

Kids aren't just escapism from boredom. They are a commitment. You have to teach them values that make them be able to be good adults someday. They are like mini-yous.

 

[blackdot]

I am very much ready to be a father. I don't consider them a escapism from boredom.
My brother has kids and I always enjoyed taking care of them until he moved away.
I wanted to teach them values and experiences but can't.

I don't want a pet.

 

[MissGuided]

Come to Georgia - you can take our rain with you.
It's been raining here for weeks.

^Yes, this. Come help Eve and I build an ark.

 

[blackdot]

sitting at work today
fun, fun, fun

 

[EveWasFramed]

I am very much ready to be a father. I don't consider them a escapism from boredom.
My brother has kids and I always enjoyed taking care of them until he moved away.
I wanted to teach them values and experiences but can't.

I don't want a pet.

I think I disagree with what Muse said - I don't see you as someone who isn't "ready" to be a dad or just looking for a spouse to relieve boredom.
I think blackdot just hasn't been fortunate in that area yet.