Old photographs

[J.Osterman]

Hello everyone. I suppose I'm here because I'm stuck looking at old photographs. Memories of moments long since past, but which I can't seem to shake. Perhaps that's because my current circumstances have me weary, or perhaps it's because I'm not as strong in will as I ought to be. Maybe both.

I recently stepped away from a graduate degree program that wasn't working out and moved back to the USA. I chose to move back to be with my father who has been going through some very rough times. I live with him and his room mate in her house. I have no job yet, though I suppose I've only been back four months now. There is a nature preserve however that I've gone to since I was a teenager which I have been volunteering at to try to keep busy and stay active in my field (wildlife science). I'm also looking into other similar volunteer opportunities to get involved in so long as I'm unemployed. At the moment however, most of the acquaintances I've made volunteering are a fair bit older than me and I haven't spent any time with them outside of volunteer work.

Despite positive steps like volunteering, I can't help but feel demoralized and yes, lonely. Naturally, I have second-guessed my decision to leave the graduate program and it has brought back memories of missed opportunities in the past, of how I held back so many times, of how I thought myself worthless. I was pretty shy growing up and missed out on a fair bit because I let fear get the best of me. And while I know lingering on the past only robs me of a better future, at the moment I just feel dejected. So in the spirit of letting things out and, hopefully, letting things go, I came here to share. Thanks for providing this space and I hope to reciprocate any kindness shown me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hi, welcome to ALL

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and know what you should be doing. It can be tough though, when you have so much going on, with not much working out the way you'd like.

Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for and feel free to visit the chat room.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey J.Osterman, welcome to the forum.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Welcome to the forum. I can relate to you with the photos thing... it's hard to work out how to feel about some photos of the past.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi and welcome!
I've found that any huge life change including moving back to the US (been there, done that) triggers a lot of soul-searching. I think you'll get through it. Then eventually you'll have another big life change and you'll get through that too.
Take care and keep us updated on how you're doing.

-Teresa

 

[J.Osterman]

Hello again all. Thanks for the warm welcome. Appreciate it.

Indeed, TheRealCallie. Sometimes, such as lately, it's a little harder to keep that good head on one's shoulders! Even so, I'm trying. It's so funny how we can sometimes forget the good moments and let them get lost in the shadows of the "bad." For all I may have missed out on it the past and in spite whatever fears I had before, I've had a lot of good experiences and known some good people. I might not have any friends nearby at the moment, and it may be stressful at times with my dad (He's rather downtrodden lately. Understandable, given stress with health problems, finances, etc.), but it's not going to help anyone to linger on the things that haven't gone as I would have hoped. A little easier said than done at times, but worth the effort, right?

LonesomeLoner, it can be, yeah. Though I guess, those old photos lead me to think about photos I could have taken, but didn't. The what ifs. Too late for that now though. It does become a little unsettling and awkward however when I'm with others who are sharing stories about their pasts and I don't really have much to contribute haha Naturally, I worry about being judged and thought strange for not having lived as fully up to this point as maybe I should have. And even recognizing the wonderful experiences I have had and that there's still plenty of living ahead, it can be hard to shake that feeling.

Coming back to the States has been interesting for sure, Teresa. Particularly with the political circus that always seems to be in town. Granted, that's probably the case anywhere you go. At least, it was/is the case in Canada where I was before coming back. But yes, stepping away from the graduate program was a huge life change. And, as you say, there will inevitably be more such changes later down the road. Hopefully, after surviving the current predicament, I'll be a little stronger then than I am now.

 

[Nuke1967]

Hello and Welcome,

I can relate to looking back on old photos and remembering some of the more simple periods of our lives, like being a kid when you had no adult worries, it will put a smile on your face thinking about some of the best years of your life.

 

[wolvesjr]

welcome to the forum J. I hope you enjoy your time here. Hang in there. There are a lot of others here who can relate.

 

[Zhara]

Hi, Welcome ...

 

[Magalie]

Hi,J.Osterman and welcome to the forum!

 

[PenDragon]

Hello J.Osterman, welcome

 

[J.Osterman]

View attachment 9Thanks for the welcome everybody. PenDragon, that tree looks familiar.

 

[constant stranger]

Greetings J.Osterman! I find common cause with anyone who's drawn to old photographs and recalling the past.

 

[9006]

I'm the same sometimes; I look at old pictures of past events and remember how great things were, I don't like how serious life becomes and tend to dwell on the past a little too much. Memories is a nice place to visit, but I really wouldn't wanna live there.

Welcome to the site.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Welcome to the forum and I hope you enjoy your stay.

 

[Peaches]

Hi Osterman! What you describe in your post is my life at the moment except for the wildlife, which sounds pretty cool. Hope you can find your way very soon.

 

[J.Osterman]

Haven't been on here in a few days. Thanks again everyone for the welcome.

Wildlife is where it's at, Peaches haha You should go check some out!